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Author: Kim Potgieter

Kim Potgieter and her children in formal wear.

Helping Our Adult Children Without Creating Dependency

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Kim's Blogs, Money. No Comments on Helping Our Adult Children Without Creating Dependency

Last weekend, I spent the most beautiful day at Boulders Beach in Cape Town with my daughter Gabi and my grandson Jordi, who is now one and a half. There we were, three generations together, watching the penguins, enjoying the sea air, and sharing one of those simple family moments that fills your heart.

And, as often happens when I am with my children and grandchild, I found myself thinking about the future: mine, theirs and little Jordi’s. As much as I want to help them, I also want them to feel capable, confident and able to stand on their own. It made me realise again that although I would do almost anything for my family, there is one thing I don’t want to give them: dependency.

Of course we want to help. We want to make life easier and step in when life is difficult. But there is a fine line between supporting our children and teaching them that we will always carry the cost.

What we don’t want is to sacrifice our own financial wellbeing, delay our retirement plans, or one day become financially dependent on the very children we are trying so hard to support.

Have You Worked Out the Real Cost of Helping?

In the latest episode of Life Chapters, Money Choices, I spoke to Tom Brukman and Michael Avery about The Bank of Mom and Dad. We were not talking about birthday gifts, spoiling grandchildren, or paying for a family holiday because you want to create beautiful memories together.

The real concern is the support that becomes part of your monthly budget over time. The medical aid that carried on long after your child became independent, the car insurance because it was cheaper to keep it under your name, or the loan that eventually became a gift.

What may surprise you is that many adult children do not even realise what it is costing you. Tom shared that when adult children are invited into planning meetings and see how much of their parents’ retirement income is going towards supporting them, many are shocked. Often, they want to help put a plan in place.

I am not suggesting that you stop support overnight, but it may be time to bring the numbers into the open and reflect on whether you are helping or creating dependency.

What Are We Teaching Through Our Help?

I have been thinking about this in my own family too. I recently asked my children what they had learnt from me about money, and their answers reminded me again that our children absorb far more than we realise. They listen to what we say, but they also watch how we live. They notice what we value, what we worry about, what we make possible, and what we allow money to do in our lives.

That is what I keep coming back to when I think about helping adult children. Every time we step in financially, we are not only solving a problem. We are also teaching a lesson. Sometimes that lesson is generosity or responsibility. And sometimes, without meaning to, the lesson becomes dependency.

A Few Conversations Worth Having with Your Adult Children

Before you keep carrying a cost for an adult child, perhaps pause for a minute and ask:

  • Do they know what this support is really costing us?
  • Is this still helping, or has it become expected?
  • Is there a timeframe for this support?
  • What responsibility can they begin taking back?

These are not easy conversations. I know that. Money and family are never simple, but honest conversations can be loving when they help everyone understand what is possible, what is fair and what protects both generations.

Perhaps the greatest gift is not carrying everything for our children, but helping them build the confidence to carry more for themselves.

Kim Potgieter stamping her starfish serviettes using blue paint.

Maybe we’re playing life a little too safe

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Have you ever thought, just out of the blue,
life feels a little too familiar… a little too you?

The same routines, the same places, the same easy way,
everything working well… just the same every day.

I had that thought, and my friend Jean did too,
we like what we like… it’s what we always do.

We stick to what’s easy. We stay with what we know,
it’s comfortable living… but not where we grow.

So we made a decision, for goodness’ sake,
to shake things up a little… to see what it would take.

To be a little less boring in the choices we make,
and not play it so safe… just for comfort’s sake.

(Now what do you know … I’ve even written my very first poem.)

So this year, my friend Jean and I decided we would take turns choosing something new to try.
And the best part? The other person wouldn’t be allowed to say no.

I went first.

I took Jean to something called Secret Sunrise. If you’ve never heard of it, it involves dancing at sunrise with a group of strangers, all wearing headphones, and all far more comfortable with dancing in public than we were. It’s definitely not something either of us would normally do. But that was the point.

And… you can’t say no.

So there we were, dancing at sunrise, slightly out of our comfort zones, and completely surprised by how much we enjoyed it. And we kept going.

Next was Jean’s turn, and she took me to “Pink Mamas” – a restaurant in Rosebank where everything is pink, sprinkled with pastel hues and vintage accents. Not my usual choice, but fun in a way I didn’t expect.

Because you can’t say no.

Then we spent a morning doing block printing, where I made serviettes with little sea creatures on them. Again, not something I would normally do.

But you can’t say no.

Women at a table stamping on to fabric serviettes smiling at the camera.
Octopus stamping done on a fabric serviette.

And I found myself completely absorbed. Learning something new, meeting new people, and enjoying it far more than I expected. Next on the list is a French cooking course, and possibly a big international concert. It’s my turn now.

Jean can’t say no.

The point is not what we’re doing but rather what it’s doing to us. There’s something about stepping outside your comfort zone that wakes you up a little. You feel more present, more engaged, more open. And it’s much easier when you’re not doing it alone.

If you’re looking for a simple way to start, you could try what Jean and I are doing. Take turns with a partner, a friend, or your spouse. You choose one month. They choose the next. And the only rule is: you can’t say no.

What I’ve realised is how easy it is to settle into doing things the same way, simply because it’s comfortable. But the world awaits, and there’s so much out there to explore.

You just have to say yes!

Or, in our case… You just can’t say no.

The gift of life after being given 12 months to live

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Why setting intentions and having something to look forward to helps in the hardest chapters

Helen created her first vision board at one of our client events at the beginning of 2025. A few months later, she was told she might only have twelve months to live.

That kind of news changes everything. It brings time into sharp focus. And yet every day Helen stood in front of the board she had framed and hung on her door, focusing on living today and planning for the future, with faith at the centre of it all.

She made a decision to make those months count.

At the beginning of 2026, Helen was back vision boarding with us again. She shared that she never imagined something so simple would become such an important part of her life. That small board became something to hold onto during one of the hardest chapters she has ever faced.

The power of seeing your future

One of the reasons we create vision boards with our clients is that they help us clarify what we are moving towards. When your future becomes visible, your focus shifts and you are reminded of where to place your energy and attention. During times of change, that clarity can become an anchor, and for Helen, it did exactly that.

Helen’s story

Helen has been living with cancer for several years. She was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2018 and went through chemotherapy. For a while, life settled again and things felt more normal.

But the cancer returned.

In 2022 doctors discovered a tumour on her aorta and she faced another six months of intensive treatment. That same year, just two months after finishing treatment, her husband passed away unexpectedly.

At the beginning of 2025 Helen received more difficult news. Doctors discovered another tumour, this time in her spleen, and she began chemotherapy again. It was during this chapter that she joined our vision board workshop and created her first vision board.

A few months later she was told she might only have twelve months to live.

With the help, support and facilitated tough conversations of her Planners, Craig and Heino, Helen began putting her affairs in order. But she also made a decision: she chose to focus on how she wanted to live. She made changes to her health, held onto her faith, and kept coming back to what mattered most, including the hope of seeing her daughter and her two granddaughters who live in Singapore.

Looking forward

Helen eventually had surgery to remove her spleen, and today she is cancer free.

When she shared her story at this year’s workshop, it wasn’t just what she had been through that stayed with us. It was her courage to come back, to sit in that room again, and share her experience.

There is something so powerful about coming together like this. You realise you are not doing this alone.

This year, Helen’s vision is captured in three simple words:

Live. Love. Laugh.

And there is one image on her board that means more than anything else: her daughter and her two granddaughters in Singapore. She wasn’t able to make that trip in 2025, but she is planning it now.

Our Gift to You

We don’t always get to choose what happens to us, but we do get to choose how we respond. Taking time to think about what still matters, what you still want to experience, and how you want to spend your time can change the way you move through even the most difficult chapters.

If you haven’t done this in a while, this may be a good moment to pause. We’ve created a Vision & Money Journal to help you reflect and turn your thinking into intention.

Download the Journal by clicking on this link.

Having something to look forward to is more powerful than we realise. It gives us direction, and sometimes, it gives us the strength to keep going when life feels uncertain.

Why forgetting a name isn’t the whole story

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Health, Kim's Blogs. 4 Comments on Why forgetting a name isn’t the whole story

I was mid-sentence when it happened. The name was right there. I could see the person’s face. I could hear the story. But the name was gone.

So I paused and consulted my personal librarian, the one who curates my brain’s filing system.

“Do you have any idea,” she says, gesturing around her, “how many files you’ve given me to manage?”

And it’s true. Decades of conversations. Clients. Family stories. Lessons. Books. Travel. Loss. Growth. Thousands of names. Thousands of stories.

Eventually, the answer arrives, usually later, often when I’ve stopped trying so hard to remember.

Can you relate? That moment when a name or memory is just out of reach. It can be frustrating.

It was Arthur Brooks who introduced me to the idea of our “personal research librarian,” the part of the brain tasked with sifting through a vast archive of lived experience. The moment I understood that my librarian, slightly slow and perhaps a little disheveled, has an enormous job to do, something shifted. I stopped blaming myself and started appreciating the size of the library.

In From Strength to Strength, Brooks explains that when we are younger, we rely heavily on fluid intelligence. That is the quick thinking, rapid recall, and ability to solve new problems fast. As we grow older, fluid intelligence may soften, but crystallised intelligence strengthens.

Crystallised intelligence is built from experience. It is pattern recognition, judgement and wisdom. It is the ability to teach, guide and connect ideas across decades.

Brooks suggests that happiness in the second half of life depends on recognising this shift, accepting it, and learning how to use it well. This really resonates with me. It reminds me of something Viktor Frankl once wrote. Early in life, he said, we tend to ask, “What can I expect from life?” Later, the question changes to, “What does life expect of me?”

That feels like the heart of crystallised intelligence.

Perhaps this chapter is not about trying to think the way we did at thirty. Maybe it’s about asking how our experience, our judgement and our perspective can serve something bigger than ourselves.

I see this in my new role at Chartered. My work has shifted. I am less focused on doing everything myself and far more energised by mentoring, teaching, offering counsel and being of service. I enjoy guiding younger planners and bringing perspective. And I have realised that this kind of contribution feels deeply satisfying.

So yes, I look after my brain. I exercise, I challenge it with new tasks (I am now surprisingly competent at setting up smart TVs and installing remote controls) and use supplements like creatine and magnesium. I’ve also found that meditation really helps with focus and clarity.

But in the end, acceptance may be the most powerful support of all.

This chapter of life may ask us to use our gifts differently, with less rush and more wisdom, less proving and more serving.

And that, I think, is a beautiful trade.

What ‘Enough’ really means in retirement

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Living well with what we have, and staying focused on what matters most.

So many of us reach this stage of life and start asking new questions: Are we spending too much – or too little? Are we making the most of the years ahead? Is this the life we imagined, and will we have enough to sustain us?

One of the biggest fears people share in retirement is whether they will have enough. The truth is that almost everyone I meet has had to adjust some part of their original plan. The world has changed, the cost of living has changed, we’re living longer – and in many cases, our dreams have changed too.

Retiring in a changing world

Retirement simply isn’t what it used to be. It’s not a full stop, but a comma – a pause before we write the next line of our story.

At Chartered, our conversations have never been about when you will retire, but about what Retiremeant™ may really look like for you – what you’ll be retiring to. At the heart of this conversation is how we find meaning, live purposefully, and stay engaged with the world from a place of worthiness.

When the numbers don’t quite add up

Sometimes the numbers don’t align with the life we imagined. If you’re not where you’d like to be financially, ask: What can I do now to create the future I want – with what I have today? There’s always something we can adjust or rethink.

For some, that’s meant letting go of a larger home and discovering the relief of simpler living. For others, it’s meant continuing to work – not because we have to, but because staying connected and purposeful adds meaning to our days. And for many, it’s been about redefining what enough looks like now.

It’s not about how much we have – it’s how intentionally we live

What I’ve learnt over the years is that fulfilment comes from shaping your time, energy, and money around what matters most – and adjusting as life unfolds.

I recently spoke to Business Day TV about this very topic: how to bridge the gap between our retirement dreams and today’s reality, and why it’s never too late to reimagine the life you want.

Watch the interview here

Coming back to ‘Enough’

In the end, enough isn’t a number – it’s a feeling of alignment. It’s knowing that your money supports the life you value most. Living with purpose and gratitude helps us see that ‘enough’ has less to do with what we have, and everything to do with how we live.

Out with the old. In with the new.

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Kim's Blogs, Purpose. 1 Comment on Out with the old. In with the new.

Spring has a way of reminding us to clear out what no longer serves us. We declutter cupboards, tidy gardens, and refresh our homes. But our money habits can also pile up over the years. And not all of them help us live the life we want today.

This season is a wonderful time to pause and ask: What’s working? What needs to change? What can I let go of?

The habits that shape our second chapter

Habits play a big role in shaping the life we live. They influence the small decisions we make every day, and over time, they guide the bigger picture of our second chapter.

I read a beautiful quote by D.H. Lawrence this week: “Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved.” For me, that speaks to the balance we’re all trying to find. Yes, we need habits that keep us secure and financially on track, but not at the cost of living fully and enjoying what we’ve worked so hard for.

Over the years, I’ve seen how some habits can hold people back. Perhaps you’ll recognise one or two:

  • Avoiding your bank balance because it feels overwhelming.
  • Feeling guilty about spending, even when you’ve planned well.
  • Postponing experiences and moments of joy you can afford, worrying you’ll run out.
  • Always putting others’ needs before your own financial goals.
  • Avoiding new opportunities because it feels safer to stick with old routines.

But there are habits that support us: checking in with your budget or planner, setting boundaries when family asks for financial help, and using your money with intention to create memories, invest in your well-being, and live with joy.

It’s worth reflecting: Which habits are still serving me, and which no longer fit the life I want to live?

Start small – one change at a time

Think of it like gardening. You don’t replant the whole bed in a single afternoon; you start with one patch. It’s the same with habits.

Maybe it’s reviewing your monthly statement for subscriptions you no longer use. Maybe it’s saying “yes” more often and trying something new. Or perhaps it’s starting a “what if” conversation with your partner or family.

Small steps create awareness – and awareness creates change.

Spring reflections

Why not use this time to choose one habit to nurture or one to release?

  • What do you want more of in this chapter of life?
  • Which habits will help you get there?
  • Which ones no longer fit the life you want to live?

Even the smallest change can bring fresh energy and a splash of sunshine into your days. Wishing you a bright and colourful spring season.

How lucky are we – turning ordinary days into reasons to be grateful

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We may not have a national Thanksgiving Day in South Africa. No parades. No pumpkin pie. And definitely no turkey. But that doesn’t mean we can’t create our own version to say thank you. Not just in our heads, but out loud – in small, meaningful ways that remind the people around us they matter.

August has given us the perfect opportunity to pause and show gratitude to all the women who make the world a better place. I’m not sure I always stop long enough to tell the incredible women in my life just how much they mean to me. So instead of letting August pass in a blur, I’ve decided to turn it into a little personal celebration of gratitude. A reminder that the people who show up for us, stand by us, and cheer us on – deserve to be seen and appreciated. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Often, the most meaningful gift you can give is your time – to be present and make space for the important people in your life over the urgent to-do’s.

Gratitude doesn’t need an official day. But it does need practice.

We often think of kindness and generosity as gifts we give to others. But one of the most meaningful gifts we can give ourselves is time to reflect. I keep a gratitude journal – it’s something I’ve shared often and continue to do every day. It’s a small ritual that reminds me how much there is to be thankful for.

It’s also a good time to check in with yourself. If something feels heavy – like an obligation, or a commitment that drains rather than energises you – maybe it’s a sign to let it go. If it feels light, joyful, or meaningful, say yes. Sometimes the most generous thing you can do is to honour your own energy and move through your days with more lightness.

Replacing “I have to” with “How lucky am I to…”

I loved reading something Brent Lindeque from Good Things Guy recently shared on social media. He spoke about a simple mindset shift to lift your day – replacing “I have to” with “I get to.” It’s such a small change – but a powerful one. It reminds us that the things we so often dread – errands, family obligations, shopping, cooking, mowing the lawn – are the very things we’re lucky to have, and fortunate to do.

If you’d like to join me in my personal gratitude celebration quest, here’s a little challenge for the month ahead: Pick one, a few, or think of your own:

  • Turn “I have to” into “how lucky am I to”.
  • Be observant – noticing what someone truly needs or loves, and surprise them with it.
  • Call someone who’s made a difference in your life.
  • Give a compliment that costs nothing but means everything.
  • Offer to mentor someone or teach them a new skill.
  • Make time for the people who matter most, even when life feels busy.

Let’s find small ways to say, “You matter.” Because everything we do with love matters – to others and to the person we’re becoming along the way.

Why your next birthday should include a paintbrush

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“Art is a guarantee of sanity.”
French-American artist Louise Bourgeois

Did you know that Cuban-American artist, Carmen Herrera, sold her first painting at the age of 89? She had painted almost every day over six decades, not for fame or money, but simply because she loved it. She called painting her reason for being. And she kept going, well past 100, showing up in her New York studio with endless curiosity. She lived to 106.

There’s something powerful about staying curious, expressive, and playful. It may be one of the most important things we can do for a long and meaningful life. And research backs this up. Creative expression has been linked to better mental health, improved memory, and longer lives.

Picasso, Matisse, Monet – all continued creating well into their elder years. Henri Matisse turned to paper cut-outs in his 70s and 80s when illness made painting difficult. He called it “drawing with scissors in his second life” – and some say it was his most joyful work. Georgia O’Keeffe continued making art even after losing her eyesight. She lived to 98. And Louise Bourgeois, one of the most celebrated sculptors of the 20th century, only had her first major solo exhibition at 71. She worked almost daily until she died at 98.

Last month, I witnessed the power of creativity first-hand. A group of clients came together in Cape Town for an apron-painting workshop. On the surface, it may have looked like a morning of arts and crafts. But it was so much more. Laughter flowed as freely as the paint. There was connection, expression, and a wonderful reminder that doing something purely for the joy of it is reason enough.

As I’ve explored the science of creativity and ageing, I’ve discovered some fascinating facts. A study published in the Journal of Aging and Health found that people who regularly engage in creative activities report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction. And research from Harvard suggests that creativity stimulates the brain in ways that help protect against cognitive decline.

Here are a few reasons why creativity deserves a place in your week:

  • It lifts your mood. Creative activity releases dopamine, the feel-good chemical that reduces anxiety and helps combat low moods.
  • It keeps your brain flexible. Creative hobbies like painting, writing, or even knitting activate different parts of the brain and improve memory.
  • It’s good for your health. Studies have shown that creative expression is linked to fewer illnesses, better immune function, and greater longevity.
  • It helps us connect. Creativity brings people together and keeps us connected to ourselves.

The best part? You don’t have to be an artist. Creativity lives in arranging flowers, cooking a beautiful meal, planting a new herb in the garden, or choosing a bright scarf simply because it makes you smile. If it brings you joy, it’s worth doing.

So, give yourself permission to play, whether it’s painting an apron, writing a few lines in a journal, doodling, baking, or rearranging your photos. Get messy. Experiment. And remember how good it feels to do something simply because it makes you happy.

From “I’m fine” to “Let me tell you how I really am”

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We live in a world filled with noise, yet so many people feel unheard.

How often have you answered “I’m fine” when you’re not? Or asked someone how they are, only to get the same automatic reply in return? It’s become second nature – a routine that keeps things polite but not real.

I’m reminded of the lyrics from The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel – people “talking without speaking” and “hearing without listening.” We smile, we nod, and say we’re okay – even when we’re not. We hold our struggles close, ashamed to admit that things aren’t quite right. We feel the pressure to appear strong, capable, and in control … even when we’re falling apart inside. We tell ourselves that we should have it all figured out by now. But life doesn’t work that way. It’s full of transitions – emotional shifts, changing identities, evolving relationships. Transitions are messy. Life is messy. And sometimes, it’s just hard.

This is what I’ve learnt: you don’t have to do it alone.

At the moment, my husband and I are seeing a marriage counsellor. I’m not sharing this because it’s easy to talk about. I’m sharing it because it matters. Saying “we need help” isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an honest, brave step towards understanding each other better, and creating space for growth and healing.

What worries me is how often we tiptoe around our struggles. We convince ourselves we’re the only ones feeling this way, holding our sadness, frustration, loneliness, and fear inside. And at the same time, we stop asking each other the real questions.

“How are you?” has become a script. A question we ask without really meaning it.
“I’m fine, thanks. And you?” – the rehearsed reply.

But what if we slowed down and really asked? What if we looked someone in the eyes and said, “No, really – how are you?” Sometimes, just knowing someone cares enough to listen is enough.

And when we stop pretending – when we speak our truth – something shifts.
We open the door to connection and support.
We make space for unexpected insight, comfort, and even solutions.

You might be surprised what happens when you say something out loud. It might be a book that finds you at the right moment. A conversation that shifts your perspective. A friend who says, “Me too.” Or a professional who gives you the tools to move forward.

So, if you’re carrying something silently, ask yourself: What would happen if I stopped trying to manage this on my own? What would it feel like to let someone in?

Life is far too precious to allow yourself to be stuck in silence. There is power in naming what you need, in choosing honesty over perfection, and in breaking the sound of silence.

The world doesn’t need your perfection. It needs your honesty.
And the people who love you – they want to know how you really are.

Life’s not a two-step. It’s a whole dance floor

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Some chapters of life feel like a gentle, graceful waltz. Others feel more like a fast-paced, dramatic tango. And sometimes, during life’s many transitions, we find ourselves dancing to a rhythm that no longer excites us. That’s your cue: it’s time to change the music.

We are not meant to tiptoe through the expanded version of midlife. And we’re not meant to repeat the same predictable steps in retirement, year after year. Life at this stage is far too rich for that. It’s filled with freedom and variety. It’s marked by transition after transition. The most powerful gift we can give ourselves in this chapter of life is to decide how we want to move through it – to keep checking in with ourselves, with our dreams, and what matters most.

This month, we hosted a Retire Successfully workshop in Cape Town – a room filled with 35 people aged between 50 and 80. Some were long retired, others just beginning to imagine what retirement might look like, and a few were navigating the unpredictability of midlife. The transitions were as varied as the people themselves.

One couple was struggling with the decision to move into a retirement village – one partner ready to embrace it, and the other not quite there yet. Some were adjusting to empty nests, moving cities, or looking for a fresh perspective on retirement. Others were dreaming of starting something new. One woman told me she keeps Midlife Money Makeover on her nightstand, calling it her “transition bible.”

But what struck me most wasn’t the variety of transitions or ages – it was the generosity in the room. When people open up and share their stories, something shifts. Those who have walked through difficult changes offer light to those just beginning. The wisdom flows both ways. Everyone leaves with a fresh insight, a new idea, or the reassurance that they’re not alone.

There’s no one way to navigate retirement. No formula. No choreography that works for everyone. But what I do know is this: we all need to check in with ourselves regularly and ask:

Am I still living the life I want to live – right now? What brings me joy? What have I been postponing?

Your best life at 60 might not be the same as your best life at 70. What brought you joy a year ago may not inspire you today. And what worked during the first few years of retirement may now need a new perspective.

So next time you wonder, “Is this it?” or are ready to try some new moves, listen to the rhythm that feels right for you. This is your invitation to keep showing up for yourself. Join us at our next workshop, check in with your planner, or have lunch with someone younger or older to share stories, inspire each other, and keep learning together.

The music may change, but the invitation remains: show up, be present, and live fully.

Love, Actually

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“If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”
Hugh Grant, Love Actually

Valentine’s Day often comes wrapped in red roses, chocolates, and grand gestures. But if you take a step back, you’ll see that love is actually something much simpler – and far more powerful. It’s in the quiet moments we take for granted – the everyday kindness, the way we show up. It’s in the breathtaking bear hug that makes you feel safe, the soft, gentle embrace that whispers, I see you, I’m here, and I care. It’s in the deep listening that makes someone feel truly seen. Because love is what we give of ourselves.

Love without expectation

Love doesn’t always have to result in something more. It does not have to be a date, a phone call, or dinner. Love sometimes simply exists in a moment. Shared and appreciated for what it is. One of the most unforgettable moments in Love Actually is when Mark stands at Juliet’s door, silently expressing his love through a series of handwritten cue cards. He knows his love is unreciprocated, but still, he chooses to honour it. As he walks away, he tells himself:

“Enough. Enough now.”

It’s a moment of love expressed without expectation – not to change anything, but simply to say I see you, I care for you, and then to let go.

A love letter to life

Love isn’t just about romance. It’s in how we choose to live our lives, how we love ourselves, the friendships we treasure, and the family who fills our hearts. It’s in a heartfelt conversation with a best friend, listening to a favourite song, or familiarity with watching your favourite movie over again.

And sometimes, love is best expressed in the simplest ways:

  • Listening. Not to respond, not to fix – just to hear someone.
  • Touching. A warm hug, a squeeze of the hand, a reassuring pat on the back.
  • Showing up. Being present, being there, making someone feel valued simply by giving them your time.

Rediscovering romance

It’s easy to take love for granted. Maybe you’ve loved and lost. Maybe you’re in a relationship where love has settled into quiet familiarity. Or maybe you’re still searching for a new connection. Wherever you find yourself, never give up on love. Romance does not have to be extravagant. It can be as simple as being brave enough to speak to someone new, taking a morning walk with someone you love, sharing a cup of coffee, or listening – really listening – even if you’ve heard the story before.

This year, I’ve set an intention to practice random acts of kindness, spreading love in small, unexpected ways. Maybe you’d like to join me? It could be as simple as leaving a note for someone, paying a compliment, or calling an old friend just to check in.

Because, at the end of the day, love is about reminding people that they are loved.

Embracing the Power of AND in 2025

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Kim's Blogs, Retiremeant. No Comments on Embracing the Power of AND in 2025

What if this year could be about having it all? About embracing all of life’s possibilities – not “this or that,” but this AND that? For me, 2025 started with the simple yet powerful reminder that life isn’t an either-or choice: you don’t have to sacrifice one thing for another. We don’t have to limit ourselves or put our dreams in boxes. We can embrace all of it!

Last year, I felt a bit lost navigating my empty nest. But this year started differently, with my vision board centred around a single word: AND. It’s incredible how a small word can carry such a big meaning. You can be retired AND find new purpose. You can spend time on yourself AND give back to your community. You can enjoy today AND plan for tomorrow. You can be driven and successful AND embrace the emotional aspects of being human. You can be happy AND sad. It’s about embracing the full spectrum of life.

The Bucket Wheel® is a great way to incorporate AND into your life. Think about the eight areas of life – work, play, purpose, health, giving back, relationships, learning, and money. Where are you choosing ‘either/or’ when you could embrace AND? Could you focus on your health AND strengthen relationships, give back AND prioritise fun, plan your dream trip AND learn something new?

As I step into my new role as Managing Director, I’m carrying AND into how I lead. Brené Brown says leadership is about seeing potential in others and helping them grow. This year, I’m committed to teaching AND learning – asking more questions, listening closely (especially to the quieter voices in the room) and creating opportunities for everyone’s gifts to shine.

I’ve even made an agreement with a team member: he’ll teach me SharePoint and new tech tools to help me work smarter, and in return, I’ll teach him the emotional intelligence needed to build business relationships. It’s a reminder that no matter your age or stage of life, there’s always something to learn AND something to share.

We also want to hear from you!

Complete our short five-minute survey to share your thoughts, interests and priorities, and enter the lucky draw for a Babylonstoren Hamper. Your feedback will help us shape our communication this year.

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Here’s to a year of purpose, connection, and the power of AND.

Each step counts toward living your best life

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Health, Kim's Blogs. No Comments on Each step counts toward living your best life

I have learned that true purpose is not found in one grand pursuit but in the quiet moments of joy, the things we love, and the dreams we allow ourselves to follow every day.

This year, at the age of 56, I ran the Berlin Marathon—achieving my ‘wildly improbable dream!’ Just six weeks later, I became a grandmother for the first time. What I’ve learned is that age doesn’t define you. It just gives you better stories to tell. Yes, running the marathon stretched me in ways I hadn’t anticipated, but when we step beyond what feels comfortable, we grow in ways we never imagined. Each step brings us closer to living a life with fewer regrets.

Dreams are rarely smooth journeys. They challenge us to push through discomfort, teach us to embrace vulnerability, and show up even when there’s no guarantee of success. For me, this year wasn’t just about preparing for a marathon; it was about navigating the shifts of midlife. With all three of my children away from home, I found myself redefining my role as a mother and adjusting to a new chapter in my life. Training for the marathon tested my physical endurance, but the emotional side of empty nest was perhaps the hardest to navigate.

Through it all, I learned the power of small steps: consistently showing up, setting clear goals, and taking it one step at a time. I also came to appreciate having such an incredible support system. Their encouragement carried me through the toughest days and reminded me that life’s journey is best done with the special people in your life.

I’ve come to believe that the best way to look back on life without regret is to align your time with what matters most. Start by knowing where you want to go, then let your actions and decisions lead you there. The beautiful thing is that one dream often leads to another. Achieving a ‘wildly improbable dream’ fills you with a sense of possibility and self-belief. You start to see that you can achieve anything you set your heart on.

Imagine what’s possible if you gave yourself permission to pursue your wildly improbable dreams. This newsletter is filled with inspiring stories of clients who have done just that—finding joy, purpose, and creating lasting memories along the way. Perhaps purpose is simply doing what you love, each experience and memory you make adding a new chapter to who you are.

Chasing My Dream, Crossing the Line

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Have you ever had a dream—something you’ve always wanted to do but hesitated to pursue, afraid you might fail? Or perhaps you were too afraid to share, worried you may not succeed. For me, that dream was running the Berlin Marathon. Two years ago, I put it on my vision board and called it my “Wildly Improbable Dream.” It wasn’t just about the race—it was about pushing my limits and proving that I could achieve anything I set my mind to.

In September this year, my dream came true. At the age of 56, I ran through the streets of Berlin in one of the largest marathons in the world. The joy on my face tells the story! Every photo along the route shows a beaming smile, no matter how tired I felt. But dreams aren’t supposed to be easy. As Kahlil Gibran said, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” The resilience it took to keep going when the road got tough made this dream even more meaningful.

Here are the lessons I learned from chasing my dream:

The first step was knowing why I wanted to do this. Sure, I wanted to test my limits, but it was more than that. This dream allowed me to combine all my greatest loves: running, travelling, and learning. Along the way, I explored beautiful cities across Europe, learned new recipes at Toscana Saporita in Tuscany, and took in the sights of Italy—a true celebration of everything that brings me joy.

Small steps, big gains
The secret to success? Consistency. I learned from Atomic Habits that improving by just 1% every day adds up to being 37 times better over time. So, I stuck to my running schedule, rain or shine. I consistently got up early and pushed through tough days—even when life tried to get in the way.

Setbacks aren’t stop signs
Of course, setbacks happen. After Covid, I had complications with my heart rate that I monitored closely throughout training. And getting into the marathon wasn’t easy either. After trying and failing to register through the organisers, the lottery, travel agents, and charities, I nearly gave up. But my support group encouraged me to try one last time, and miraculously, a spot opened, and I finally got my chance.

Your support system is everything
The night before the marathon, fear crept in. I was nervous—what if I couldn’t do it? But then came the messages from my sons, Josh and Ryan, and from my friends and Gabi, all cheering me on. Their encouragement made such a difference. As I stood at the starting line, tears in my eyes, I knew I wasn’t doing this alone. Their support carried me, step by step.

Have fun
When the whistle blew, I reminded myself of something important—I wasn’t just here to run; I was here to enjoy every minute. I kept my pace steady, only walking through the water stations, and savoured every moment. That feeling of joy and pride has stuck with me since.

One dream leads to another
Achieving a wildly improbable dream gives you a sense of limitless possibility. Once you’ve crossed that finish line, it feels like no challenge is too great, no goal too far out of reach. You start believing that you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

So, what would you do if you weren’t afraid to fail? Chase your wildly improbable dream with all your heart!

A sprinkle of luck goes a long way

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Health, Kim's Blogs. 2 Comments on A sprinkle of luck goes a long way

“What now?” is a thought that has been on my mind a lot this year as I navigate my empty nest. My role as a mother has changed – it’s different now – but there’s a space that I need to fill with something else. I have been exploring new challenges and embracing new opportunities that push me to grow, and what I’ve learnt in this process is that stepping out of your comfort zone doesn’t just require courage – it might also take a little bit of luck.

Running in the Berlin Marathon has been on my vision board for the past two years. It was meant to be a gift to myself during this empty nest year, but it has made me question my gift-giving capabilities. This gift has sometimes felt more like a punishment – just over 42km of running is no walk in the park! But there’s something about the challenge that has drawn me in. I’m spending hours training and cultivating the habit of running, and one of the pros of this time on the road is that it gives me time to think. I’ve learnt the art of perseverance and patience, but I’ve also come to realise that a sprinkle of luck can change everything.

Entry into the Berlin Marathon is via a lottery system, which I duly entered at the end of last year but didn’t get in. Very disappointed but still determined, I turned to other ways to gain entry, charities and travel agencies, with no luck. Just as I thought the dream was slipping through my fingers, a spot opened – as if the universe was giving me a nudge. Out of the blue, I received the message: I could participate.

Sometimes, the best-laid plans need a little help from the unpredictable forces of life. You can prepare, train, and do everything right, but outcomes are not always in our control. Morgan Housel beautifully writes in The Psychology of Money: “Luck and risk are both the reality that every outcome in life is guided by forces other than individual effort…The accidental impact of actions outside of your control can be more consequential than the ones you consciously take.”

It’s not that effort doesn’t matter; it’s just that life, with its infinite moving parts, has a way of surprising us. The key is to keep showing up and putting yourself out there – even if success isn’t guaranteed. Sometimes, that little bit of luck makes all the difference.

Our very own Olympic medallist, Tatjana Smith, embodies this idea perfectly. After winning her gold and silver medals, she said something that stuck with me: “On any other day, any other swimmer could have taken gold. We are not better than each other; that day was just my day.”

This isn’t to say we must depend on luck alone. It’s a reminder that when you dare to try something new, you may be surprised at how the stars can sometimes align in your favour. Preparing for the Berlin Marathon has taught me never to say “I can’t” and to challenge myself in ways I never thought possible. It’s also taught me to leave a little space for luck.

So, don’t be afraid to take the leap. Yes, there will be bumps along the way. Sometimes, things won’t go as planned. But keep showing up. Keep saying yes to new experiences. And who knows? With a bit of perseverance and maybe even a dash of luck, you might find yourself achieving something you never thought possible.

Your Lifeline – The Rest is Still Unwritten

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By now, we are well-acquainted with the notion that nothing in life is constant except for change (and taxes, of course!). While it’s tax season, don’t worry, that’s not the focus today. Instead, I want to talk about the kind of change that transforms your life and demands that you reassess your path forward.

I recently presented a workshop where I shared my insights from Chip Conley’s Learning to Love Midlife course. What struck me about this phase of life, which Conley suggests can last up to the age of 75 – or even longer – is how many transitions we navigate. It’s rarely just one change at a time – but a convergence of many shifts all at once. Many participants struggled with significant transitions intertwined with unexpected changes and emotional turmoil. These ranged from relocation and relationship changes to physical and psychological challenges, losing loved ones, changes in how we approach work, and often, a deep search for meaning and purpose.

Navigating difficult situations

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by a transition, as if you’re drowning in doubt and uncertainty – wishing someone would throw you a lifeline? The good news is that you have your very own lifeline – filled with the lessons and wisdom you’ve accumulated and applied throughout your life. Imagine your life as an unwritten book, with each new day offering a blank page waiting for your mark. Your past experiences provide the inspiration to write your future, helping you navigate the complexities and challenges of trying times. Of course, music can also be a great companion for finding solace.

Drawing your Lifeline

To give you an idea of what this exercise is about, here is a snapshot of the most recent part of mine. It involves reflecting on your life so far and identifying the stories that shaped who you are today. Include all the key moments of your life, from birth to the present day. Everything above the middle line represents high points, and everything below the line represents low points that made you feel unhappy or challenged.

Reflect on your Lifeline

What lessons can you take from your timeline?
Are there any significant themes?
What (and who) helped you through your lows; what (and who) supported you during your highs?
What strengths did you find to help you through your lows?
Is there anything you could or would have done differently, knowing what you know now?
Can you document all the lessons and wisdom you have gained?

Embrace your Inner Strengths

When I look at my lifeline, I reflect on what each story is teaching me and what I can learn from every transition. I consider the strengths that helped me through previous difficult situations and think about how I can draw on those strengths now. It’s often your inner strength that pulls you through.

I do believe that things happen for a reason and that the story of your life is a powerful teacher. And then there’s always music! In times of change, I often turn to music. Natasha Bedingfield’s song Unwritten reminds me that there are always ways to find comfort and strength in the unwritten possibilities ahead.

I hope the lifeline exercise benefits you as much as it’s helping me right now. If you’re looking for a song to draw, reflect on, and work to, here’s a link to Unwritten: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI

What’s missing in your health routine?

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Check-in with your check-ups

During my time with Chip Conley at his Learning to Love Midlife workshop at the Modern Elder Academy (MEA), I realised that I may still have half my life ahead of me. At 55, it’s certainly not the time to start thinking about slowing down or stepping back. I have more life left than I thought! But it also made me realise that it was time to check in with my health.

Am I keeping fit? Check. I’m running half marathons and train regularly.
Am I eating healthy? Check. Apart from my sugar cravings, I do my best.
Do I have any outstanding medical check-ups? No.
How am I doing emotionally and mentally? I’m doing the best I can. Midlife can get messy, and with so many changes to navigate in this “messy middle” part of my life, the one thing I can do is make sure I take time out when I need to – to reflect, do the introspection, be grateful and be open to embracing wisdom and intuition.

So, what part of my health have I neglected? My teeth.

I needed braces as a child, but as my dad did not have medical aid, it was never an option. As an adult, getting braces was also never a priority for me (I was never going to be that beauty queen with perfect teeth anyway!) Now, in my mid-50s, the dentists tell me that the overcrowding in my mouth could cause my bite to go out of alignment if left untreated. I wish I’d known earlier in my life that braces are not just for aesthetic reasons. One of the most important reasons for getting braces is to correct your ‘bite’ and ensure the long-term health of your teeth.

Honestly, it’s hard getting braces in your 50s. Not only has the first week been extremely painful, but it’s also a mental adjustment that I need to make. Holistic health means looking after every part of our bodies, minds and hearts (including our teeth) and preparing well for our longer lives.

Is there any part of your health you’ve neglected or just haven’t gotten around to? A check-up that you’ve been putting off? A hip or knee replacement that feels too daunting? Perhaps it’s time to take action sooner rather than later, remembering that our bodies and minds are our most valuable assets.

Taking care of our health is a continuous journey, especially as we age. By prioritising our well-being, we can try our best to live our remaining years with vitality and purpose. So, whether it’s a dental check-up, a fitness routine, or a procedure you’ve delayed, let’s commit to our health today. Your future self will thank you.

Don’t sweat the big goals!

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Health, Kim's Blogs. 1 Comment on Don’t sweat the big goals!

Small Habits – Big Impact

I just crossed the finish line at my second Two Oceans Half Marathon! It may seem like a small victory, but it’s a big win for me and one that I celebrate proudly. Running a marathon was never really my main goal – but exercise and fitness have always been important to me. Don’t misunderstand me; when I first started running, it didn’t go exactly as planned. It’s tough getting up early mornings, and it’s much easier to hit the snooze button, especially on cold winter mornings or lazy weekends.

James Clear’s book Atomic Habits profoundly impacted my life, and his words deeply resonated with me:

“If you want to predict where you’ll end up in life, all you have to do is follow the curve of tiny gains or tiny losses and see how your daily choices will compound ten or twenty years down the line.”

So, I followed James Clear’s advice to cultivate smaller, achievable habits rather than pursuing big, audacious goals. Instead of setting out to run a marathon, I focused on tiny gains (consistent, small habits) and became a habitual runner. And the best part is that habits become part of your lifestyle over time.

I truly believe that the only way to look back at your life without regret is to align your time with what’s most important to you. So firstly, know where you want to go, and then make sure that your actions, decisions, and the time you spend on them allow you to achieve that goal.

Too often, we convince ourselves that big success requires big actions. But success is the product of small, repeated actions or habits – no matter what your dreams are, you can achieve them with the right habits. It’s the same principles I teach my midlife clients about investing: accumulating wealth is not a skill; it’s a habit. If you persevere, consistently save, and live below your means, you can cultivate the right habits to build wealth.

Reflect for a moment on the path of your life and where your daily actions are leading you. What you don’t want is to look back and wish you’d spent more time doing the things you love. When you decide what’s most important in your life, you can start making small daily changes to ensure you align your time without regrets. It’s the tiny steps you take that will eventually change everything!

Once I established a consistent routine around my health and fitness goals, it opened the door to stacking other important goals – like learning and travelling. I am busy planning to participate in the Berlin Marathon in September. It’s quite a stretch, seeing that I’ve only run 21km races so far (I really have to up my game to run this 42km marathon), but this isn’t just about the run. It’s about combining my broader intentions of travelling and learning with destination runs.

Let every tiny step be a celebration of moving closer to the life you envision.

The Freedom to Be … with permission, of course

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Have you ever found yourself standing on the edge of a decision, just waiting for someone to say it’s ok before you take the plunge? To give you the approval for what you’d like to do? Or stop yourself from doing something because it feels unfamiliar? You’re not alone. It’s human nature. We all hold ourselves back sometimes.

But what if the only permission slip you truly need is from yourself? Why not write yourself a ‘permission slip’ and give yourself the freedom – and permission – to feel, behave, and live exactly as you want to? Within reason (and your spending plan), of course…

Brené Brown uses the term’ permission slips’ as a way to allow yourself to feel (or do something) that might be out of your comfort zone or that’s new to you. It’s similar to the ones we, as parents, received from school, allowing our children to go on school outings. Last week, I was immersed in the Learning to Love Midlife workshop presented by Chip Conley at the Elder Academy. I was completely taken aback when a ‘learning to surf’ activity was suggested! I’m 55 and have never surfed before! Why try now? My initial response was quickly followed by another voice: what if I hurt myself? And then, “What if I can’t do it – and embarrass myself?”

What I really needed to do was give myself permission not to think about everything that could possibly go wrong but rather to focus my energy on thinking how cool it would be to actually feel what it’s like to surf, to try something new, and to expand myself instead of limiting what could be possible.

So yes! I surfed! Loved it and even managed to stand on the board and ride a wave! Of course, I had an instructor who helped me each step of the way – and in all honesty, the wave was very small! But I surfed in Mexico; more than that, it’s given me the confidence to try new things.

Sometimes, we hold ourselves back, waiting for permission, or do things just to gain approval. Other times, we avoid doing them completely for fear of disappointing someone close to us. This behavioural pattern often plays out within our closest relationships. Asking for permission can also become a convenient excuse – “We would have loved to, but our children advised us against it.” Deep down, we’re actually just looking for a reason not to.

It seems that at Chartered, we’ve become quite the go-to when it comes to tricky financial requests from the family. Next time the question of lending money to your adult children comes up, have your answer ready: ‘Sorry, we’d love to help, but Kim and Jason looked at the numbers and advised us not to.’ And yes, when it’s time to treat yourself and go on that trip, count on us to cheer you on: “Of course, financially, you are absolutely able to take that trip!”

As we promise to give ourselves permission to try new experiences, it’s important to consider the impact on our financial planning. Sometimes, we all need objective advice, especially regarding our money and financial security. Your Planning Specialist knows exactly how your actions will impact your planning and will always be available to give you objective advice and guidance without compromising your financial wellness – ensuring that your money is aligned with your life.

Beyond wrapping paper, The presence and the past

Beyond the wrapping paper
The Present of Presence

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Give Back, Kim's Blogs. 1 Comment on

Beyond the wrapping paper
The Present of Presence

It’s November, and the holiday season is just around the corner – another year gone by in the blink of an eye. It’s been a whirlwind year, and I am slightly apprehensive about the possibility of getting lost in the fluster of holiday shopping and the quest for the perfect gift. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love shopping and find no greater joy than spoiling my special people with beautifully wrapped presents. But what if the most precious gift we can offer can’t be wrapped? What if the true essence of giving lies in something far more valuable than a tangible gift – our presence.

We’ve had a wonderful year together as you joined me in embracing the present moment, stepping out of our comfort zones and going on many first-time, brand-new adventures! It’s been an absolute privilege sharing all my new experiences with you, and I loved hearing all your stories of new roads travelled, slow and easy excursions venturing into undiscovered places, moving to new homes, cities and provinces, and forgotten hopes and dreams turning into realities.

As we wrap up this year, I have one final challenge for you and myself: to prioritise ‘Presence over Presents.’

This year has taught me that the moments we share hold more value than the things we own and the dreams we accumulate. But creating these memories can be challenging as it calls for the most personal of gifts – our time. Something we often don’t always have enough of. And this is the hard part – and certainly one of my most significant challenges: giving my time and being fully present with the people I love while juggling a busy schedule.

So, let’s promise to try our best to give ourselves – and others – the gift of time and presence this holiday season. I am very excited about a two-week beach holiday with my family and friends, spending uninterrupted time with them and spoiling all my special people with delicious meals. This is my chance to make up for all the moments missed and create new memories.

Just in case you need more ideas: Why not invite your best friend for a delicious dinner instead of buying a gift? Spend the evening fully engaged, actively listening, and giving them your full attention. Or dedicate one device-free hour every evening for family time or self-reflection. Spend an afternoon helping at your favourite charity or schedule activities with your loved ones that you know they would love. If your granddaughter loves art, why not do pottery with her? Or arrange a movie and ice cream day with a grandson … build a bonfire and roast marshmallows. Write a heartfelt letter to someone you love or take a long walk with a family member.

Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life rightfully says: “Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it… When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back.”

Let’s embrace the true gift of connection, shared experiences and each other’s presence this festive season. Wishing you a wonderful holiday filled with joyous moments and the present of presence.

From rugby fields to empty nests

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And the promise to tackle foreboding joy in the scrum of life

I have shared all my first-time, brand-new, and exciting experiences with you every month this year. This month, I am standing on the edge, waiting for a significant change in my life – becoming an empty nester for the first time. My daughter, Gabi, will embrace her next chapter of studying Civil Engineering at Stellenbosch University next year. While I have so many mixed emotions ranging from pride, love and anticipation – to fear, dread and anxiousness, I remind myself to stay focused on the present and enjoy the time we have now, rather than be overwhelmed by the worries of next year.

Have you ever spent so much time worrying about the what ifs that the beautiful, joyous moments of the present pass you by? Do you find yourself constantly worrying about things that haven’t happened yet?

I’m incredibly proud of Gabi’s achievements and her choice to pursue a career in engineering. I love every minute of my time with her. Still, I constantly guard myself not to be overly concerned about everything that could possibly go wrong or pre-empting the dread of an empty home and losing those daily moments with her.

In a wonderful social media post, Brent Lindeque (The Good Things Guy) reminded me of a term called anticipatory grief – when you worry or grieve about things that haven’t happened yet (like many South Africans did 70 minutes into the Springbok-England Rugby World Cup Semi-finals). At the very least, we were all panicking just a little bit! I am convinced that only the bravest of us resisted grieving ahead of schedule!

But rugby aside, Brent makes a good point when he shares that South Africans may be in a constant state of anticipatory grief – waiting for the next corruption scandal, waiting to hear more bad news, waiting for load-shedding, more potholes, inflation, another war … Similarly, the concept foreboding joy, coined by Brené Brown, captures the internal conflict we feel when joy is immediately followed by worry and fear. We end up catastrophising, wasting our time worrying about things that haven’t happened, and in the process, we have no time or space left to embrace the joy and happiness of our present.

I’ve seen how the initial excitement of retirement can be replaced by fears and questions like “What will I do with my life?” or “Will my money last?” and “What if my health fails?” I have spoken to many people whose children are emigrating, and the fear and worry for their future start way before they leave the country. I’ve noticed how fear and worry can deter people from trying new things. It seems we are all constantly worrying, letting the impending fear of loss and change overshadow the potential joy of living in the present moment.

So, how do we move past this cycle of anticipatory grief? The answer, I believe, lies in being present. Embrace each moment fully and focus on gratitude, all the positive aspects of change, and the many new adventures that change will bring.

So, no anticipating grief this Saturday during the World Cup Rugby Final! No foreboding joy allowed! This is the 8th Rugby World Cup tournament that SA is playing; we’ve won the Cup three times and have never lost a final! There’s nothing to worry about.

Age ain’t nothing but a playlist track!

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My first-time not-unusual Delilah-cious encounter with Tom Jones

Okay, my article heading may be a bit too much! But if you’ve seen Sir Tom Jones perform “It’s Not Unusual” and “Delilah” live on stage, you might also find yourself humming to “Green Green Grass of Home” while watching the Springboks play in the Rugby World Cup.

Every year, Jean and I plan an overseas trip together, and we always add something new – a fresh experience that we’ll both enjoy. Just as we’ve done in the past by adding a Rod Stewart and Billy Joel concert to our itinerary, this year we chose a show featuring none other than Tom Jones in Germany.

At 83, Tom Jones is still rocking on! Thinking back on my first-time experiences this year, this one really hit home. Age is just a number, right? Not that anyone’s counting, but here was Tom Jones, who began his career in the 1960s, still performing his classics to a crowd of over 10,000 people – all loving his music. 83 is a number that may make many want to slow down or take things easy. But not him. He’s still busting the age myth, one tune at a time! It made me question the constraints I sometimes impose on myself due to age. Do I use my age as an excuse not to do certain things?

My father was a huge fan of Tom Jones, which is how I was introduced to his songs. This experience has reminded me of a dream I once had: to run in the Comrades Marathon using my late dad’s double green number. In fact, 81-year-old Johannes Mosehla broke a 34-year-old record this year by becoming the oldest runner to complete the Comrades. Still, running the Comrades is not for everyone, and for now, I am very happy with my achievement of having completed my first 21km race.

One thing that I was certainly not too old – or too young – to try was beer! An unusual choice for me. Beer is certainly not my preferred drink, but whilst at a Beer Festival, I thought, “Why not?” and gave it a go. The result? An unforgettable memory – one I will cherish and laugh about for years to come.

The true magic of this trip was sharing it with Jean, a truly special friend. I’ve mentioned Robert Waldinger’s Harvard research before, which finds that the secret to a long and healthy life lies in connections and close relationships with significant people. This may just be what inspired Tom Jones and Dolly Parton to write “Islands in the Stream.” Without our special people, the ones we love and those who make our souls sing, we are simply islands adrift in the stream of life.

Let’s promise ourselves not to let age hold us back and to cherish our connections in the flowing river of life,

How things can change in the blink of an eye

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Kim's Blogs, Relationships. 4 Comments on How things can change in the blink of an eye

Earlier this month, on a seemingly ordinary Saturday evening, on our way to meet our family for dinner, my husband Gys and I were involved in a car accident. Despite my car being written off and being very shaken, Gys and I escaped unscathed.

While the accident only took seconds, it felt like an eternity, and during those split seconds, I genuinely thought it might be the end for us. It was a terrifying wake-up call that reminded me how the course of our lives can be forever altered in a single second.

The following day, as I pondered the events, three crucial questions surfaced in my mind. Firstly, I asked myself, “Are my relationships in order? Have I expressed love and gratitude to those who mean the most to me?” And, in that moment of reflection, I found comfort in the fact that I had no unfinished business with those I hold dear. My children know how much I love them, and there’s no one important in my life who doesn’t know how I feel about them. It was a poignant reminder that, at the end of the day, it’s our relationships with others that enrich and adds meaning to our lives. We often neglect our relationships, putting off picking up the phone, spending time with family and friends, or telling people how we feel because we are busy. We assume we will have ample time, but this experience taught me that time is a gift we shouldn’t take for granted. We must take every opportunity to strengthen our bonds with family and friends, for we never know when those opportunities may be taken away from us.

The second question I asked was, “Am I doing everything I want in life?” Life is fleeting, and we must grab the opportunities when they present themselves. I firmly believe in living life intentionally, saying yes to experiences that bring me joy and fulfilment. While there are things I still want to do, I have no regrets about the things I have done and the experiences I have had.

The final question that came to mind was, “Are my affairs in order?” I found solace in knowing that my will was up to date, ensuring my family’s security. It is so important not to procrastinate when it comes to getting our affairs in order. Taking the necessary steps to prepare for the future is a responsible and caring act toward our loved ones.

I wholeheartedly encourage you to cherish your relationships, expressing your love and gratitude openly. Embrace life’s adventures. Don’t live a life looking back thinking “if only”; say yes to the things you genuinely desire. And most importantly, take the necessary steps to put your affairs in order, providing peace of mind for yourself and your family.

Say yes to life! Live every minute … every second

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This week I came across a beautiful inspirational story on Facebook about our very own Margaret Kearns, and to my surprise – Brent Lindeque (Good Things Guy.) Can you imagine inviting a complete stranger and famous influencer to your 70th birthday party? Someone who reaches over four million people every month on social media. Margaret’s daughters did! They knew how much their mom loved Brent and asked him as a surprise for her birthday. And best of all, Brent Lindeque said yes! He attended her 70th birthday party last year and celebrated her 71st birthday with her again this year!

This story made me realise how powerful the courage to ask is. If you don’t, ask, you’ll never know – right? And with that comes the courage to say YES to life … to live every minute and every second to your utmost. You never know where saying ‘yes’ will lead – you may make new friends, learn new lessons and perhaps experience more pockets of joy in every day.

I met Margaret quite a few years ago when she joined Chartered and immediately loved her optimistic outlook and attitude to life. She inspires wherever she goes; is one of the bravest women I know and a personal role model. Margaret took over running the finances when her husband passed away, enrolled and obtained her Degree in Anthropology and Sociology in her mid-60s, and still holds her family of three adult daughters together.

Inviting Brent Lindeque out of the blue to their mom’s 70th birthday is a testament to how Margaret’s courageous and adventurous spirit rubbed off on her children. Brent is the founder of Good Things Guy (launched in 2015) – a platform dedicated to telling good stories and sharing things that inspire. He shared a beautiful post on social media about his time spent with Margaret, her family and friends. “It was time spent perfectly,” he said. “I stepped out of my comfort zone and leaned in that day when I went to a birthday lunch with 29 random strangers. I spent the afternoon in the spectacular autumn sun, drinking champagne while listening to incredible women sharing stories of their time. It was beautiful. And a stark reminder that we only have so much time.” This year, Brent again shared the lesson he learnt from Margaret at her birthday party – to find a pocket of joy in every day.

I’ve reflected on all my first-time experiences this year to fulfil my goal of trying something new and different every month. Each encounter has brought a lesson – or shared one. This month I tried my awkward, non-artistic hand at ceramics with a friend and our daughters. We spent a wonderful day at the Prison Break Market Clay Café where I made a semi-decent piggy bank. Our housekeeper’s daughter, Abby, is turning one this year, and my goal is to start teaching her how to save – a lesson we taught our children from a young age.

If you feel motivated to say yes to life more often, to find more pockets of joy every day, or fill more time with fun and laughter, start by taking a small step out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to invite a famous influencer to your birthday or embark on the grandest of all adventures, just take a small step that sits comfortably with you. Try hopping on to Good Things Guy on Facebook for inspiration! Fun and laughter are contagious, and the more time we spend on good things, the more time we’ll invest in happiness and joy.

First time running the Two Oceans Marathon

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Yes! You read that right! I just completed my first time ever 21km half-marathon. The Two Oceans is known as “the world’s most beautiful marathon,” and running against the backdrop of the breathtaking Cape Peninsula must be one of the most exhilarating moments of my life. And this is the new experience I’m sharing with you this month.

I have learnt that having a clear goal is essential to trying something new or doing something for the first time. Running a half-marathon has been on my vision board for a few years, and you may remember me sharing it with you – even in Covid times. Two words stand out for me in achieving this goal: persistence and consistency. Believe me, getting up every single morning to run, especially in winter, is not easy. And your aim does not have to be easy either. You may decide to take up art or learn a musical instrument. You may want to walk the Camino de Santiago – or the Cape Camino. But every journey begins with one single step. And the first step is setting your goal. In my experience, persistence and consistency get you where you want to go.

Sometimes, trying out something new is a deeply personal journey you may want to go alone. But a lot of times, having special people join you – or support you – makes it so much easier – and enjoyable. I had many partners on my running journey, including my 22-year-old niece, Robyn. And thank goodness for Robyn! I was initially intent on running a 42km marathon, and Robyn convinced me to start slightly smaller – we agreed on the 21km instead. It turned out to be great advice! Running up and down the hills was much harder than I thought it’d be.

One of our Planning Specialists at Chartered, Craig Harrison, also ran with me. He could have finished the marathon in a much better time but opted to stay back and support me, for which I am so grateful. Although you’re the one doing the work, you end up not running alone. Running in the Two Oceans felt like being embraced in a wonderful community of people helping and supporting you to the end. And it was lovely to see my husband Gys, my son Josh and his partner Rachel waiting for me and welcoming me over the finish line.

Sometimes you may have to call in extra people to help you reach your goal. I have a great running trainer and teamed up with a functional trainer who helped me exercise the right muscles to get me over the steep hills.

It really does help to have a support system when trying new things. Whether planning a unique adventure, a fresh learning experience or a new venture, having people who believe in you and encourage you along the way can make all the difference. But more than that, trying new things often calls for stepping out of our comfort zones. It’s easy to get stuck in a routine and shy away from something new. But new experiences can lead to personal growth and a sense of accomplishment.

Remember, trying something new does not have to be a grand gesture but something small that pushes you out of your comfort zone. And the rewards are often worth it!

First time welcoming new members into our family

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As first experiences go, becoming a mother-in-law and gaining a new daughter in the family – and of course, seeing the first of my children and my oldest son get married, is pretty epic. And this is my unique and new experience for March!

Adding a new experience to your month does not have to be something large, audacious or expensive. It could just be saying ‘yes’ to something you would not have considered doing before. What I’ve learnt from the three first-time experiences I have shared with you this year is that it always goes hand-in-hand with learning and something new to be grateful for.

Apart from having the best and most joyous time with family and friends at Ryan and Nix’s wedding at the beautiful Webersburg Wine Estate in the Cape, I feel incredibly blessed and privileged to see our family size increase with the very special and much-loved Nix. Still, becoming a mother-in-law for the first time can be daunting, and I’m sure Nix feels the same way about her becoming a wife and daughter-in-law. Getting married is a significant life-changing transition as you move into a new, unexplored and wonderful stage of life.

A few days before the wedding Nix and I chatted about our new future roles. We’ve all heard some horror mother-in-law stories – from criticism, stopping by unannounced to rearrange the furniture without being asked, and coercing the daughter-in-law to have children. Nix and I both felt that it would be helpful for us to set boundaries upfront so we don’t make assumptions about what we each value, trust and respect.

I realise that Nix and Ryan will live their new life together on their terms and in their own way – different from how we live our lives in our family. But I also know that we share common values which gives me a great sense of pride and joy.

Setting boundaries are not only important with in-laws; they are essential for creating trust and respect in any healthy relationship. And honouring the boundaries of others builds a strong connection where each one feels heard, seen and valued and where both your needs are met.

Boundary discussions are brave conversations to have. It’s talking about how you want to be treated and your expectations in the relationship. It also defines what’s acceptable and what is not. It’s brave because by setting boundaries, you value yourself, prioritise your needs and create space to thrive and grow. I love the fact that Nix and I understand each other’s boundaries. It makes me feel safe and secure knowing what she expects of me and what she values and appreciates. These discussions may seem hard at first, but it’s better than the resentment when boundaries are overstepped.

I found a helpful article on PositivePsychology.com written by Jo Nash, who obtained her PhD in Psychotherapy Studies and lectured in mental health at the University of Sheffield. She masterfully explains what boundaries are and how to set healthy ones. I love this explanation of the different boundaries involved in relationships.

READ: How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships

Do you have relationships in your life that may need redefined boundaries? Relationships change and evolve, and it may require an adjustment of boundaries. Remember, having boundaries are not selfish or self-centred. It really helps those you love with clear guidelines of how to treat and love you in a way you appreciate.

A first-time experience – learning in Africa

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I do believe that our experiences add to the richness and fullness of our lives, and that’s why I included new and unexperienced opportunities in my dreams for this year. I have made it my personal purpose to inspire all of you – our clients – to join me in this endeavour and hope that as we move through this year, you will also share your fresh new experiences with me. Who knows, we may end up with a novel guide to experience the unexperienced by the end of 2023.

My new experience in January was travelling to Africa on a learning excursion for the first time. Five of us from Chartered were invited and partly sponsored to participate in the Stanford Seed transformation programme – a Stanford Graduate School of Business-led initiative that provides management training to entrepreneurs in India and Africa. Their aim is to deliver world-class business training and resources to help entrepreneurs from promising start-ups and established companies take their businesses, countries and regions to the next level and transform lives.

The benefit to Chartered is immeasurable as we are trained in all aspects of running a business, from finance and Human Resources to strategy and developing a transformation plan for taking our company forward. As the programme leader whose role is to attend the actual training sessions and bring the learning back to Chartered, I have the magnificent added bonus of journeying and discovering Africa.

The first in-person immersion week took place in Nairobi, Kenya and in June this year, I will attend training in Accra, Ghana and then later in Botswana. I was slightly surprised when I realised that I’d never considered Africa as a learning destination before. I’ve been all over the world to attend courses: America with Brené Brown, Seth Godin, David Krueger and Chip Conley; and the UK with Mitch Anthony and George Kinder. But never Africa.

For me, spending time in Africa, our very own and second-largest continent in the world, was the most inspiring part of the training – a sentiment sincerely shared by the Stanford lecturers who said that coming to Africa and experiencing the beauty of not only this incredible continent but also its people, is the most rewarding part of their work.

Did you know that Africa contains 54 countries and is home to 3 000 indigenous tribes and around 2 000 languages and dialects? I remember telling people in America about Africa and thinking they were slightly uninformed when they knew nothing about our continent. But whilst in Nairobi, I realised that I didn’t know much about Africa either, apart from visiting game reserves. We spent time with people from cities all over the continent, some of which I had to find on the world map and others I’d never heard of before.

They do say that it’s not always the place you fall in love with, but the people – I can attest to that! I have never before spent time with a group of people who are so humble, so grateful for the international learning opportunity, and so enthusiastic about their work and this experience. Meeting so many aspiring entrepreneurs creating successful businesses has also left me with a profound sense of hope for Africa.

I love the fact that I’ve experienced a part of the world that I’ve never visited before, that I’ve met people I’ve never engaged with before and that I now see incredible opportunity and potential in the continent I live in.

Trying new things and immersing yourself in different opportunities broadens your horizons. And there really are no downfalls – if you don’t enjoy it, leave it at that. But at least you’ll have another interesting story to tell.

If you have any new or unique experiences to share, please send them to me. In the meantime, I look forward to sharing my next adventure with you.

Dare to experience the unexperienced

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I am so grateful to welcome you into 2023, feeling refreshed and optimistic for what the year holds. A new year often brings new beginnings, renewed hope and a fresh perspective. I hope that you enjoyed a restful holiday period and filled your memory jars with many joyful and loving moments with your family and friends.

My habit has always been to start my new year by creating a vision board, and this year, I added something completely different – new dreams. My wish for the year is to step outside of my comfort zone and try something new and different every month.

You may remember reading the article about Jeff Lawrence who took early retirement to turn his passion for baking and bread into a business. He and his wife Sue moved to Wakkerstroom, where Sue now owns the Village Bakery and coffee shop, and Jeff runs Country Bread, supplying bread to local businesses and offering workshops on artisan bread-making.

Jeff is a true example of Retiremeant™ – living his life on his terms and in his own time. Doing what he loves. Not only does Jeff love bread – and to be honest, I don’t know anyone who can resist the smell of freshly baked bread – his passion shines through in everything he does. I was so inspired by Jeff and Sue’s story, coupled with my dream to experience different adventures and learn something new, that I booked a bread-making workshop for my family.

It was an absolute treat! And I’m not just talking about the smells and tastes. Bread-making, as we discovered, is quite a scientific process, and we learnt both the theory and techniques to bake the perfect loaf. Jeff was a wonderful host and teacher and managed to turn a workshop into an intimate bonding and fun-filled experience for our family.

With Gabi, my daughter going into Matric this year and my son Josh entering his final year at university, my dream of trying out, learning and experiencing something new every month perfectly fits into our family dynamic. For me, it does not have to be a learning experience. It could be doing something completely different just for the fun of it. As long as it’s something fresh and different – something I’ve never done before.

Maybe you have new dreams for 2023 too? I know many clients, like me, spend time at the beginning of the year drawing up their wish lists and goals, and editing their Bucket Wheels®. Why not add something completely different? Something unfamiliar and unexperienced? It may just enrich your world and add a fresh spice to life.

We have made some changes to our Inflight newsletter this year. In keeping with the theme of trying new things, we are introducing a segment where we share new experiences to try or things to learn. We are kicking off with padel since it’s taken the country by storm. We are also introducing a segment on retirement villages, and we will interview clients living in retirement villages across the country. Our book of the month is back, and we will review a new book, available in our client library, each month.

Wishing you many new adventures, fun, learning and fresh experiences this year,

When What If becomes If Only

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Instead of focusing on the ‘what-ifs’ that could possibly impact our lives in this second chapter post-Covid, I have found that clients are talking about ‘if onlys’. And not in a way that implies regret – these are conversations about living a more wholehearted life.

I have personally found this quote by New York Times best-selling author and host of the Rise Together podcast, Dave Hollis, extremely helpful:

“In the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to.”

Many clients do not want to revert to their old ways of being in the world. Values have shifted, visions have changed, and clients are talking and thinking about life differently. Life changes can be exciting, but it is essential to take time to properly and objectively plan the transition with a solid financial plan to enable it.

Tom and Linda are clients who embraced the concept of pausing, giving them time to reflect and plan their next chapter towards significance. Post-Covid, they were both ready for change. Tom no longer found his architecture business fulfilling, and Linda wanted to move on from her bookkeeping position. They both knew what they no longer wanted to do but were unsure about what to do next.

Often, in the search for significance, clients feel lost, unsure and overwhelmed with emotion. When you’re feeling overly emotional, you simply have to stop and pause, as the decisions or actions you take will almost certainly be flawed. Start by enlisting the advice of your Retiremeant™ Specialist, who will guide you objectively and help you plan the best way forward from a money and life perspective.

I shared the suitcase exercise with Tom and Linda. You may have done it before, but it is such a valuable exercise in times of change.

Imagine you are going on a trip and you can only pack the things that serve you into your suitcase. What you leave behind is as important as what you will take. This exercise helps you recalibrate and get a clearer picture of what is essential as you move forward. It’s about identifying more of what you want by editing what’s not working – and making space for new things. It’s also about reflecting and being grateful for what you do have.

The first thing Tom and Linda packed was their relationship. They are happily married and want to spend more time together. Tom decided to edit out being an architect and sell his business. Linda crystallised a new dream of becoming a life coach. To their surprise and after doing the maths, the Financial Plan showed that they had enough money to take a year-long sabbatical to figure out their next steps.

If you’re having If only thoughts, such as if only I could … change my work, live somewhere else, or do something that really inspires me – it may be time to meet with your Specialist and make your If only a reality.

I truly believe that life is too short not to live intentionally. Let’s make ours count.

In the month of December, you can read about clients embracing their retirement and turning their passion into purpose, ticking off Bucket Wheel® items along the way. We have also included a feature on the various hybrid and in-person events we hosted this year. Enjoy the read.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

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I am often asked where I find the time to do everything I do: from being a wife and mom, running a business, doing talks and workshops, writing books, and going on fun adventures with my family. You may not buy into my answer at all, and when I tell people that one of my top life tips is meditation, I can almost feel them switching off. Most people believe that it won’t work for them.

Sometimes I do wish it was possible to stop time or hit the pause button on the speed of life. But we all know there’s no stopping time. Still, there may be a way to buy time by focusing on the present and reducing the repeating background noise in your mind.

To me, meditation is one of the most valuable tools in our fast-paced, modern-day life. I like to use the Chopra meditation App, but I’ve often heard people say the Headspace App works really well. It’s about quietening the thoughts that my brain can’t switch off. Remember that your thoughts become your reality, and you cannot allow the spiralling negative messages of worry, fear, anxiousness and despair to take control of your life.

The benefits of quietening the voices in your head are endless and there are many ways to still your thoughts: going for long walks, consciously finding joy in everyday moments, and simple deep breathing. These are all forms of meditation. As long as you’re prepared for a process rather than a quick fix. It takes practice. Don’t expect to be perfect at it. If you accomplish just being conscious of the thoughts in your mind and not allowing them to control you, you have made a good start.

Like you, I also did not think that meditation was for me when I first started and it did not work perfectly for me in the beginning. I struggled to see how I was ever going to quiet the voices in my head, from to-do lists, worries and stories that my mind made up. I decided to give it a good go, and each time I meditated, my brain got slightly quieter. I still don’t always get it right, and the to-do lists still pop into my head – even when I’m trying to block them out. But now I feel the difference when I’m not meditating.

I like to meditate early in the morning before my day gets busy, and I put aside 15 – 20 minutes to sit quietly. Most days, I use the Chopra guided meditation and other days, the transcendental meditation technique of repeating a mantra until my mind stills. My husband, Gys, has watched my morning ritual for years and now also meditates daily. He says it’s helped him look at his business differently with a more strategic outlook. Josh, my son, has also started and finds he can control his anxiety around exams much more.

I encourage you to give meditation a go! Just remember that you don’t need to be perfect at it. It may feel impossible at first but it gets easier over time.

National Wills Week – don’t be daunted by relooking at your Will

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September brings the gift of new beginnings, new life and renewed energy. I love immersing myself in the wonders of Spring that bring fresh rain, warmer days, and a bouquet of smells to my garden as the flowers bloom. It’s also a time for family gatherings and outdoor picnics, not to mention lovely candle-lit dinners (not a result of Spring of course, but our relentless load-shedding schedule).

The warmer weather and brighter days are reminiscent of the wonderful gift of families and loved ones. And with National Wills Week falling in September, we are also reminded that the greatest gift we can leave behind for the people we love is our legacy.

This month, even if this is the only thing you get done, I want to encourage you to ensure you have a signed and valid will and talk to your loved ones and adult children about your wishes. It brings so much peace of mind when your children know that your affairs are in order and that your wishes are in place.

Did you know that your will is invalid if you have not signed it? Surprisingly, only 30% of people proactively sign their wills. I recently listened to an interesting podcast on Maya on Money and learnt that 70% of all adults write up their will but neglect to sign it. There may be various reasons for this, but Maya believes that the mere thought of signing a will brings about a sense of mortality. Most people find it far easier to ignore this step altogether rather than bring death into their lives.

Part of being financially responsible is planning for death, and having your affairs in order is the biggest gift you can give to those dependent on you. I always recommend compiling a legacy file or ‘in-case-of-death’ folder. Having all your affairs in order, updated and valid, and sharing this with your family, should reassure you and should bring peace of mind to everyone close to you.

If you’re in any way hesitant or feel daunted by the prospect of relooking at your will, here are some tips to help you get started:

  1. Try not to complicate matters. Wills don’t have to be overly detailed, and the best wills are clean and simple. Reach out to your Retiremeant™ Specialist and work with the Legacy & Trust Team to assist you.
  2. Draw up or update your letter of wishes. There may be many details important to you – whether it’s something sentimental you would like to leave for someone special or instructions about your pets. All these very personal and often emotional instructions can be written down in your letter of wishes.
  3. If your will contains sensitive or personal information you would not like to share, don’t be afraid. Your will is not a public document until it is registered upon death.
  4. Think about the cost of winding up your estate and make sure you have the liquidity to cover your debt, executor fees and property transfer costs.
  5. Don’t burden anyone but a professional with the appointment as executor of your estate.
  6. Make sure to have an original printed will and sign it correctly with two witnesses (they may not be beneficiaries or your executor).

Lastly and most importantly: be courageous enough to have this brave conversation with the people you love. These conversations are so important, no matter how difficult they may be. This is your opportunity to outline your wishes, explain your thoughts and eliminate surprises.

Wishing you all the wonderful gifts of Spring,

When last have you embraced your childlike spirit?

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As my children grow older, each year brings new experiences and lessons. It’s almost a rediscovery of who they are and what they’re about – and I’m loving the process. As they grow and develop, I find myself growing too. We talk about new topics, we explore ideas more passionately, and we definitely experience things with added wonder and joy!

I spent the past ten days in Paris with my daughter Gabi, who turned sixteen not long ago. We decided to do, and share with each other, whatever makes our souls happy. Our purpose was to have as much fun as we could possibly fit into a day and embrace our childlike spirits.

Gabi’s dream was a daring adventure. She convinced me to reconnect with my inner child – and the scooter! I have not scootered in many years – but scootering through the inner city of Paris, weaving in between cars and pedestrians with Gabi by my side, made me feel like a teenager again. I have not laughed so much for so long in a really long time. Yes, we had some crazy scary moments, but being one hundred percent responsible and predictable was not on my agenda. I loved sharing this experience with Gabi, and in return, Gabi joined me in learning how to make macaroons. I’ve always had a passion for baking and cooking – and our macaroons did not have to be fancy. They just had to be fun!

Gabi also shared her passion for art with me. I gladly joined her on a visit to the Picasso Museum, and watching her immerse herself in her own art during our train journey to Amsterdam was a joy to see.

I have learnt that the simplest way to uncover what brings you the greatest joy and brightens your life, is to start thinking about what you loved to do as a child. Your inner child is very much a part of you. In fact, everyone has an inner child tucked away in their unconscious mind – that may very well resurface from time to time. But as grown-ups, we are often so busy doing grown-up things that we forget to nurture our minds and souls with all the things that made us laugh out loud as children.

So think back to when you were a child. Back when you did not have to be ‘responsible’, or overly serious, disciplined or practical. Back then you knew exactly what made you happy and what made your soul smile. Then you did not worry about societal expectations of what it means to be all grown up. Think back to those times – and then – do exactly that!

Finding joy does not have to be complicated. It could be the simplest things in life, like the smell of freshly baked bread, dancing in the rain or listening to your favourite song. We all did things as children that made us feel just right, exhilarated, or simply just peaceful.

Close your eyes and think back: what did you do as a child that made your heart sing? What made you laugh out loud?

It could be that reconnecting with your childlike self will bring you more joy – and laughter – than you ever imagined!

Where will you live in retirement?

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You may not be ready for this conversation at all. Very few of us are. In fact, most clients I talk to dread this conversation. It conjures up the exact opposite of how we feel. We are human. We are all different, and we approach our thinking and planning differently. But having a plan for living on your own terms, in a place you choose, without having to depend on family to support you, will give you comfort and one less thing to worry about.

As part of planning your next chapter, I usually bring the topic of ‘where you see retirement villages in your plans’ to the table after age sixty – and it is not always well received. I am often told ‘absolutely not!’ Many clients have lived in their family homes all their lives. Home is where our memories are kept, our happiest moments are held, and our life stories are told. It’s an emotional decision and a very personal choice.

Because of their experiences looking after elder parents, some clients are apprehensive of becoming a burden to their children and are more willing to talk about it. But not now -when the time is right. In many conversations, I find one partner willing to consider the move while the other is against it.

There is no right or wrong answer. Where and how you will transition is ultimately up to you and how you see yourself living in future. To guide your conversations, I have put together the most important insights I have learnt from talking to my clients:

  • If you choose to move into a retirement village, don’t leave it too late. Make sure you have enough energy to pack up your home and enough vitality to make new friends. I have a client whose wife suddenly fell ill, and packing up all their belongings and memories alone turned out to be a very traumatic experience.
  • Do your homework and research your options well in time. None of us wants our adult children to decide where we should live.
  • Consider a life right property if you don’t have huge capital. Retiremeant™ Specialist Jason Appel wrote a very informative article in this newsletter explaining this option.
  • Moving house can be expensive with many costs: transfer, agent, packing and moving fees etc. But there is also an upside to downscaling. Living in a retirement village may also mean saving on rates and taxes, security, maintenance and living expenses. Consider your options and talk to your Retiremeant™ Specialist about the financial impact.
  • Consider allocating money for carers to assist you (if needed) when you decide to live independently or with your adult children.

We are all different. Don’t mould yourself into a living arrangement that does not suit your lifestyle – or your values. I have clients who long for a peaceful, quiet life out of the city, and other clients who feel rooted and comfortable exactly where they are. Some clients choose to emigrate or semigrate. Lynda Smith, who contributed to this newsletter, moved to a different town and has found immense joy moving from her comfort zone to a brand new adventure.

You may also find that you and your partner think and plan differently. Your timing may be off, and you may disagree on where to live. Don’t get impatient with each other, and keep the conversation flowing. Take the time that’s needed for both of you to feel comfortable and valued in the process.

Thinking about this transition also does not mean you have to move right now. It really is just about having a plan. Do the research, discover your options, explore possibilities and weigh the benefits and pitfalls. And above all else, make sure you are always surrounded – and interacting – with new friends and the people you love.

Make sure the road you travel and the home you choose are where you feel you belong,

Don’t close the book when you can start a new chapter

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Relationships. No Comments on Don’t close the book when you can start a new chapter

If your life was your favourite Netflix series – would you stop watching halfway through? Will you put down a book by your favourite author and not read the sequel? If you loved Tom Cruise in Top Gun, would you watch the follow-on?

Most people I know would binge-watch a series on Netflix and were the first in line to buy tickets for Top Gun. There’s a certain amount of excitement and anticipation in knowing or seeing what happens next. But so often, when it comes to our own lives, especially after midlife and as we enter our later years, the enthusiasm and enjoyment seem to dwindle.

I believe it’s because of how we think and the words we use to describe this phase of life. Our words hold unimaginable power, and we achieve or become what our minds conceive and believe. If you are considering winding down your life and waiting out retirement, think again. This is not the time to close the book on your life. This is not the time to think that you don’t have an award-winning sequel in the making. Turn your thoughts around and start using words that will inspire you to eagerly anticipate what the future will bring.

I met a lovely couple in their mid-sixties last week who were busy winding down and waiting to retire. They were stuck in limbo – somewhere between having lived a good life and waiting out the rest. Sometimes all you need is a new perspective to turn around the lacklustre words in your vocabulary into a language that makes you want to turn the page. Midway through our conversation, the mood in the room visibly shifted when my clients said: Instead of just waiting to retire, we need to get excited about the new possibilities of our second chapter and write a sequel with a new beginning.

I love watching the shift in people when they realise that retirement is not the end but a new adventure in living – and the words they start using follow suit. I want to remind you how the words you use and the language you speak when it comes to your second chapter can impact what you achieve:

  • You are not old. You are a holder of knowledge and experience – and the keeper of wisdom.
  • You are not insignificant. Why not find ways to share your talents, skills and wisdom with the world.
  • Retirement is not the end. You have the rest of your life to live on your own terms.
  • Your purpose is not defined by your work. Your purpose can be whatever you want it to be in your second chapter.
  • Retirement does not mean you will never earn again. You can keep adding value, working and earning for as long as you want.
  • Don’t tell yourself you can only rely on one source of income. In this phase of life, it is possible to turn a passion into work, a hobby into a business and a dream into potential.
  • Retirement is not an ‘all or nothing’ scenario. Many people in the second chapter start to bring in other income streams and look at other ideas of work, like part-time work, charity work, mentoring or consulting.

When you start thinking and using words to describe the second half of your life as a new beginning, a world of possibilities opens up to you – new ways of adding value and renewed purpose. Choose your words carefully. How you think creates what you feel and become.

Your second half is the perfect opportunity to turn the page, start a new chapter and edit an unrivalled sequel for yourself.

What are you waiting for?

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If there’s one thing we’ve learnt from Covid, it’s that we don’t want to wait anymore. Realising how short and precious life is rocked us to our core. Waiting to hug, see our loved ones, visit our favourite restaurant, go to the movies or on holiday is hard. The restrictions to waiting are now finally over – for some.

I met Paul James Edwards on my recent road trip in the Karoo. It’s not that I met him in person – but I would have liked to have. Gareth Crocker, author of The Last Road Trip introduced him to me in his latest novel. Paul spent eighteen years of his life waiting after his wife passed away, and in his eulogy that Gareth shares with all of us in this newsletter, he talks about his deep regret of spending such a large part of his life simply existing – instead of living. It is a deeply personal, harrowing letter and a stark reminder not to put life on hold.

I read The Last Road Trip, while ironically being on a road trip in the Karoo this past April. Roadtripping is fast becoming my favourite way to travel. I just love the wonder and adventure, the feeling of complete freedom and how you can connect with the places and the people you meet along the way.

On this trip, we spent a few nights on an olive and sheep farm in the quaint, historic town of Prince Albert, situated at the foot of the Swartberg Pass. Surrounded by soaring cliffs, astonishing rock formations and vast open spaces, I cuddled up in front of a warm fireplace and immersed myself in this beautifully told story. The book starts with the death of Paul James Edward and tells the story of five friends living in a retirement village who decide to go on a road trip and make the most of their lives – and do everything they’ve always wanted to do, but never did.

It is a heartwarming life story that holds a powerful message for every age: many people are so busy waiting, planning for tomorrow, and holding off till the time is right that they forget to live for today. It challenges us to consider this poignant question: what are you waiting for?

Apart from this powerful message, I also found some beautiful reminders to live engaged – to live fully:

Make time for child-like fun.
One of the characters, Samuel, reminds us to liberate our inner child as he throws caution to the wind and absorbs himself in the music when he dances on top of a hill with his friends to Bruce Springsteen’s “Working on a dream.”

Time is precious.
In another section of the book, Samuel shares that there is no time to wait, especially when it comes to spending time with people you love. He says: “Friends we always want more time. Time to do the things we promised ourselves when we were young. To say the words that need saying. But so often our time runs out before we get the chance. Our deepest regrets are always the things we leave between ourselves and those we hold most dear to us. Our thoughts. Our fear. Our love.”

Find wonder in the stars.
Samuel’s stargazing experience makes you want to look up at the night sky. He describes it as: “the deep, black sky was now pulsing with colour, oscillating and twinkling like a jeweller’s mat daubed with gemstones.” There is wonder to be found in looking at the night sky and seeing a part of the universe. I also learnt that the best time and place to see the stars are in the Karoo at 4 am in the morning. Fortunately for me, that’s exactly where I was and what I did when I read The Last Road Trip.

Your life is waiting to be lived – what are you waiting for?
Paul, in his eulogy, encourages us to live fully when he says, “I know my life would have been so much better spent if I had just been trying for something.”

So, let’s have no regrets! Let’s stop waiting! Let’s plan our next trip, have that important conversation, spend more time with people who are important to us, look at the stars, dance on mountaintops and make each moment count!

Wishing you no more waiting and lots more doing,

Slowing down to enjoy the stops along the way

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If heaven were to be found on earth, I have found a little piece of it. I would never have found it if I did not consciously decide to experience the journey instead of rushing to the destination. Our journey to the Hemel en Aarde valley was all about taking it slow with no sense of urgency to get anywhere in a rush.

Have you ever travelled on holiday in a tight time frame? It could be the constraints we place on time for leisure and vacations, but in some way, in our rush to get somewhere, we miss so much in-between. In many ways, the destination has become more important than the journey. We’re so busy planning and organising, often just waiting for the time to pass until we get there, that we forget to notice and really experience the trip.

I have driven past the Hemel en Aarde Valley many times in a rush to get somewhere else, most often to visit Creation Wines or lunch at the Heaven restaurant, and then rushing back to where I’m staying. We’ve often spoken of how beautiful the drive is and wondered about the wine farms signposted along the way – but we’ve never stopped to explore.

Last month, our group of ten long-time friends decided to take it slow and explore the magic this area has on offer. We opted for a walking tour accompanied by our lovely tour guides Gillian and Ralph (pictured below) from Africansunroad. Read all about the customised tours they offer in this newsletter. We had the opportunity to tailor-make our tour by combining visits to wine farms with a walk through the gorgeous fynbos landscape.

Not only is this area home to fifteen boutique wineries – which already puts it at the top of my visit list – but the scenery is breathtakingly beautiful as the valley nestles in a sweeping fynbos landscape surrounded by towering mountains.

I thoroughly enjoyed exploring nature in the heart of the Cape floral kingdom on foot. We saw beautiful indigenous fynbos, gorgeous proteas and spectacular birdlife – including a blue crane – South Africa’s national bird! One of the highlights was meeting a wonderful lady at the Hamilton Russel vineyard who shared all the stories of this valley with us. She spoke with so much passion and had a wealth of knowledge to share after spending fourteen years on the farm. Apart from the wine farms, there is so much to see and do! We visited magnificent orchards, including pear, fig and a berry farm that exports their produce.

We shared great stories, belly laughter and delicious food on this trip – juxtaposed with the absolute tranquillity and stillness of the surroundings. We stayed on different farms in charming cottages and spent our evenings chatting and playing bridge. Of course, I am still a novice bridge player, but it’s an activity we started as friends during lockdown and still enjoy.

Here we are at the end of our walking tour – happy, energised, relaxed, and so grateful to have taken our time to watch the world go by slowly instead of rushing through.

This trip has made me realise how much I have missed by getting wrapped up in the destination. By meandering on foot with no sense of urgency, we took in the beautiful scenery, charming places and interesting people. We lingered for as long as it took to imprint our journey to memory. Our destination unfolded with each step we took and made even more special by sharing it with good friends.

Why giving brings more joy than keeping

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Health. 2 Comments on Why giving brings more joy than keeping

Accumulating plenty of unnecessary things after five decades of life is relatively easy. I should know. But there comes a time when you have to decide whether what you are holding onto brings you more joy than it would if you shared it with others.

Decluttering can be intimidating because we assign meaning and memories to what we have. A teddy bear reminds us of our childhood, a shoebox filled with old birthday and Christmas cards hold all the memories of our lives, and our children’s old school reports tell the story of their journey into adulthood.

When my dad passed away eighteen years ago, I desperately wanted to hold on to a part of him. I chose to keep and treasure his Stinkwood dining room set that I knew he loved. The table ended up in a boardroom in my husband’s business. I really never had any use for it – it never matched the decor in any of my homes. A few weeks ago, Gys told me he did not have a place for it anymore and asked what I wanted to do with it.

The dining room table is not the only white elephant in my home. I have a selection of bone china tea sets inherited from my mom-in-law, silver cutlery and crockery and specially engraved glasses that I never use. I purposefully don’t use any of these items because I worry that they’ll break, they can’t go into the dishwasher, and I simply don’t have time to polish the silver.

I had lunch with clients the other day, and they shared with me how therapeutic they experienced decluttering their home. Yet my first reaction, when confronted with my dad’s dining room set, was the opposite of therapeutic – it was an emotional one. Just the thought of having to get rid of it made me feel like I was losing my dad all over again. It also made me question the many things in my home that take up space. Would my children want it? Will they use it? Of course not! Some things just aren’t relevant in today’s world anymore. It’s out of fashion and dated – just like my dad’s dining room set.

We have to start reassessing why we keep things that we don’t use and that our children may never want – and find different ways to pass our legacies along. I have decided to pass my dad’s dining room set on to a family who could use and cherish it. This would give me joy. A far more precious gift to my children is sharing happy moments and accumulating treasured memories with them. One way in which I am keeping my legacy going is by teaching them all our family recipes that have been passed to me down generations.

Sometimes giving brings more joy than keeping. Think of items in your home that you are holding on to which may be worth more to someone else. Someone who may actually need, use and cherish it. Donating unused items to charities will make you feel happy, and chances are that the things you have loved all your life but don’t need anymore will be loved and used by someone else.

There are so many benefits to decluttering your living space. Apart from creating more space to live in, going through all the things you have collected revives old memories. And sharing these recollections with your children and grandchildren will be memories they will cherish forever.

Paying it forward

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Growing older is not about getting old. It’s more about growing. And growing never gets old. You grow and learn for all of your life – it’s not something you get to pause. It happens all by itself as you live, work, play and love. There’s a lesson to be learnt every day and many lessons each year.

Now imagine yourself as a curator – the custodian of a wealth of knowledge and wisdom accumulated over many years. What are you doing with your collection of expertise?

A while back, I read a blog by Chip Conley where he says that “our wisdom is not our possession.” It’s meant to be shared. Wisdom is what nourishes our society and makes it stronger. What better way to add value and give back to others than to cultivate all the sage lessons you’ve accumulated in your life and then pay it forward.

You can pay your wisdom forward in many ways. By sharing your knowledge: teaching your skills, mentoring someone younger, developing someone’s talent or simply using your experience and standing to facilitate opportunities for other people.

Last year, I was invited to speak at the FPI Convention. Instead of taking the stage and presenting the talk, I decided it was the perfect opportunity to cultivate wisdom by sharing the learning experience across generations.

I invited four young women who represented the WiFN (Women in Finance Network) to share their stories and talk about their personal journeys in the financial planning industry. I loved the opportunity to facilitate the session, and I felt so privileged to be nurturing the experience-base and learning of these ladies. I’m also pretty sure that the conference delegates walked out of that session having learnt far more than they thought they would. We learn from each other, and as much as the younger generation learns from us, they also teach us something.

I did a lot of talks last year! Especially after the launch of my book, but this was by far the most rewarding and joyous experience!

Learning and sharing what I know has always been one of the first items I add to my vision board each year. I’m constantly in awe about how much I learn from every Chartered client I meet. It’s the wisdom that’s shared with me that gives me the content for writing my books and the lessons I teach.

Sharing your wisdom rewards both you and your intern, and each nugget of wisdom you share makes the world a better place. But these types of experiences don’t just happen. Sometimes you have to look for opportunities to uplift others and help them get where they want to go.

Pairing your wisdom with someone else’s expertise may just lead to unimaginable growth for both of you. And that’s the real value of paying it forward.

What gifts will the interesting detours of 2022 bring you?

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Purpose. 1 Comment on What gifts will the interesting detours of 2022 bring you?

This year started with a slight blip for me. It has always been my habit to start off my year reflecting on the past year and then planning what I would like my new year to look like. Instead of keenly waking up to 2022 and following my yearly system, I woke up with Covid. My head felt fuzzy, and I experienced so much brain fog that my family started commenting on how I was repeating myself over and over again.

If you have ever done a vision board, you’ll know that apart from actually thinking with a clear head, you also need to write legibly and cut on a straight line (I always add visuals to my board!) And here I was feeling murky and muddled. I decided to listen to my body and settled in for ten days of resting, sleeping and recuperating – even reading felt too strenuous! I am grateful that I could recover at home and am happy to report that I am almost feeling like ‘Kim’ again.

Thinking about 2022, I know this for sure: I am excited about what the year will bring. I’m also sure that the year probably won’t go precisely as planned and that I have to be prepared for changes and detours.

Putting my yearly vision board together always gives me a lot of joy and a great sense of accomplishment. As soon as I feel completely recovered and can trust my head and brain not to duplicate all my thoughts, I will be visualising my intentions for the year and clarify where I want to be, who I want to spend my time with and what my goals are going to be.

The past two years have taught me that I need to embrace the detours that will inevitably come my way. I have also learnt that these alternative, roundabout routes to the best-laid plans often bring beautiful and unexpected gifts. I have found that the detours have led me to meet interesting people that I hadn’t planned to meet, taught me lessons about myself that I didn’t know and opened up my world to new experiences. As much as I want – or yearn – to control my surroundings and experiences, the personal growth I have experienced because of the curveballs have been undeniable.

Accepting and even welcoming the detours that life throws at you requires agility. And this will be one of my challenges for the year: to nurture the attribute of being agile. I would like to focus my energy on embracing the curveballs so that I don’t miss the beauty that it brings, rather than wasting my time being disappointed when things don’t work out as exactly as planned.

So, as much as I have plans for 2022, I will be open to the detours that will inevitably come my way. I will welcome them and be interested to see what gifts they will bring.

May 2022 be filled with plentiful gifts and moments that bring you joy. Sometimes the most unexpected moments brings you the greatest joy – if you take the time to stop and acknowledge the emotion inside you.

You are not alone in the face of change

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If you’ve experienced a longing for change, you are not alone. It is a natural reaction to the worry, fear and isolation that the Covid pandemic brought into our lives. It’s also normal to have some anxiety around re-entering the world and resuming your pre-pandemic life.

Covid has robbed us of control over our own lives in many ways, and now that we are ready to integrate back into work, friendships and communities, we’re still feeling a little lost and less joyful than we thought. We feel awkward and uncomfortable. And it’s not only about living as we did before, it’s also about the changes in our lives that Covid has been a catalyst for.

When I feel lost or out of control, I try to make sense of my emotions. I came across the term pandemic flux syndrome, which Dr Amy Cuddy and Jill Ellen Riley coined in the Washington Post. The article helped me understand why we’re feeling the way we do and made me feel less alone knowing that others feel exactly the same.

Pandemic flux syndrome refers to the emotional impact the virus has had on us. It explains the continuous cycle of hope and despair through each wave, and living in the face of uncertainty has been incredibly hard. Our bodies were not designed to cope with so much pressure for so long. Very often, when we are confused and anxious, we take control by looking for change.

Covid has channelled a lot of introspection for many people. Being isolated and living in so much chaos has directed our attention inwards, and I have seen many positive changes as a result thereof. The yearning for change does not discriminate. I have seen people in all phases of life wanting change, my daughter Gabi included. We spent many hours introspecting and working through various scenarios when Gabi asked to change schools in Grade 10. Of course, we wanted to be sure that she understood the consequences of her decision and that the change would give her what she was looking for.

Some people have been so overwhelmed that they have not been able to make necessary changes. Instead, the status quo has seemed the safer option
for now. But mostly, the pandemic has pushed us forward to make significant changes that were vital to living our best lives. In this newsletter, you will read some of the beautiful positive changes clients have made during this period.

I have also seen many people implementing small changes for big rewards. I count myself in this category with my running routine. I have shared my running goals with you before, and I still run four times per week – even when I don’t really feel like it on a particular day. Without fail, I feel so much better on the days that I do run.

If you have made changes – big or small – that have left you feeling inspired and grateful, please share it with us. We would love to hear them!

Change is inevitable – that is certain. But if you have decided to put essential change on hold, don’t despair. We are all doing the best we can, and it’s important to be kind to yourself and those around you. Big decisions should also not be taken lightly. It takes a whole lot of introspection and the support of important people in your life. Ask your Retiremeant™️ Specialist to partner with you to guide you through the change and how it affects your Plan. I hope the stories in this newsletter inspire you to weather the storm of change.

Makeover from the inside out

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We have been in a state of flux for almost two years now. Our lives and our circumstances have become fluid and our boundaries flexible. The old rules no longer apply. And just as we think we have a handle on how things are in a new kind of normal, things change again. If you’ve recently tried booking an international flight, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The rules about being on the red, green or orange list and Covid protocols around entries and exits constantly fluctuate. It’s confusing.

I was attending an online workshop when this quote popped onto the screen: “Never allow a good crisis to go to waste. It’s an opportunity to do the things you once thought were impossible.” – Rahm Emanuel, Obama adviser, 2008

The quote inspired me. It also explained why so many of us have undergone such powerful makeovers from the inside out. We’ve made massive mindshifts in many ways. But one, in particular, has stood out for me – the courageous act of letting go.

I started hearing from clients about things they let go of when I wrote the two eBooks and Midlife Money Makeover last year. Some clients got rid of small habits with big rewards, like not buying take-outs, buying fewer coffees on the run and travelling local instead of international. Others have focussed inwards and chucked out thoughts that make them feel ‘less-than’, anger, guilt, the need for approval, and preconceived ideas of how they think their lives should look. I have been most excited seeing how people let go of living in ways that don’t fulfil them and embrace the life they yearn for.

I am intentionally trying to throw out being in a rush. I don’t always get it right and see this journey as work in progress. I have always had an urgency to get things done and would often start thinking of my next project while still busy with a current one. I remember making lists of all the things I have left out of my first book Retiremeant – get more meaning from your money, and the next book was already taking shape in my head shortly after it was published. My mindshift is to focus more on the present. To savour special moments and make them last. With my latest book, Midlife Money Makeover, I am going to try my best to spend the next few years exploring what value people have found in the book and consciously enjoy the process.

I have been a maximiser my entire life. I move fast and get things done quickly. Now, I savour special slow-down moments and have brought a PJ-stay-at-home day into my weekly mix. So many of our clients have shifted from a fixed to an open mindset since the start of Covid. We are trying new things, being a little more daring, embracing challenges and living life more fully. Having an open mindset has made all these positive changes possible.

We recently explored this concept at Chartered through our work with empowerment coach and director of Change in Mindset, Claire Holden. She guided us through an exercise on understanding mindsets and how to shift from a fixed to open one. I have included her exercise in this newsletter for you. If you are feeling fearful in the face of so much change, give it a go. The overall message is that mindsets can be changed!

Wishing you the courage to live more fully.

A South African Spring adventure

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Spring does bring along change, and we as a family were ready to embrace it. With travel restrictions still in place, what better idea to celebrate the wonder of this new season immersed in one of the natural wonders of our world – the Cape wildflowers. We pointed our springtime travels in the direction of the flower route on the West Coast and boldly went somewhere we’ve never been before.

I have one word to describe our adventure: awestruck. I was mesmerised by the tapestry of the landscape and captivated by the hidden gems that I’ve never discovered before in South Africa.

Our first stop was Paternoster, one of the oldest and most iconic fishing villages on the West Coast. We stayed in a gorgeous house that we found on the LekkeSlaap travel and accommodation website. It was the perfect spot to explore the tranquil, relaxing atmosphere of the town, the beach and the Columbine Nature Reserve. It’s no secret that I love food and cooking! You should not be surprised that we decided to explore the Foodie Route on the West Coast. Sitting at the harbour in St Helena Bay munching on fried fish and chips served in paper packets was simple but oh so delicious.

You may have heard of our next stop, Darling. Blogger Anje Rautenbach of Going Somewhere Slowly describes Darling as akin to fine wine – a soft yet crisp experience best enjoyed with good company, at a slow speed, with an explorer’s undertone and a good balance of fun and laughter. This is also where Pieter Dirk Uys turned the station into a theatrical experience with Evita se Perron. I was blown away by the Ormonde Private Cellar with its collection of 30+ award-winning wines and loved how the owner spent time with us sharing his passion for wine. The snack platter served was an outstanding, delicious work of art that took me back to how snack platters were served in Franschoek before it was commercialised. We also visited the Orchid Festival that only happens once a year in Darling.

Of course, Darling is not only famous for Evita se Perron, wine tasting and flowers. We popped into Darling Brew for a glass of slowly fermented craft beer – a lovely visit but beer has never been my favourite. You can also explore the town museum and try out the many delightful eateries scattered along the main road.

Spring has reminded me to nurture my soul with all the things that make me happy. My family, special friends, delicious foods and adventuring in our picturesque country add up to unforgettable memories that I will cherish always.

There are many beautiful places to visit in South Africa to revive yourself and bring you closer to nature. I would love to hear (and see some pics) of some of your favourite destinations.

Happy Spring!

We all need basic human interaction

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Relationships. 2 Comments on We all need basic human interaction

As I reflect on the past eighteen months, a sense of gratitude envelopes me. And it’s all thanks to you. Words just cannot express how deeply grateful we are for your support, enthusiasm and willingness to embrace our new way of connecting and coming together.

Covid has robbed us of many things, one of them being our basic need for human interaction. It put an end to our face-to-face events, and we needed to think of new ways to meet, chat and connect. Do you remember when we circulated the very first manual explaining how to use Zoom and Teams? You welcomed our new mode of communication, and we enjoyed our first online event so much that we lined up as many as four events in some months. We laughed, sometimes we cried, but most of all, we challenged ourselves to learn and expand our viewpoints on many topics.

I remember coming together with the marketing team and unanimously deciding that webinars won’t be part of our communication mix. Webinars are just too impersonal. We wanted to keep our cameras on and actually see each other. I have learnt that we all need to know that we are not alone, whether introverted or extroverted. There is strength, support, and a whole lot of love to be found in being together.

It has been a difficult journey. And it still is. When the Covid lockdown started, I was encouraged by how many clients joined me to learn from Brené Brown’s teachings. We all needed to learn how to embrace our vulnerability through all this uncertainty. Little did we know how long it was going to last.

I have learnt that laughter is often the best medicine! And did we laugh! We had fun with the Music Guru, Nik Rabinowitz and Quiz night with Lynda and Frank. Paula Quinsee taught us how to navigate the ups and downs of life for more successful relationships, and I loved learning that we can breathe new energy and purpose into stale ones. Nikki Bush’s very personal story of losing her husband and how she found collateral beauty amongst the collateral damage left a mark on all our hearts.

I was deeply moved when you all came together to celebrate the launch of my new book, Midlife Money Makeover. I will forever be grateful for all the cheering and good wishes. Thank you.

We have been a great team! Jeremy Gardiner (Ninety One), Kevin Lings (Stanlib), Brandon Zietsman (Portfolio Metrix) and Izaak Odendaal (Old Mutual Wealth) all came together to update us on our investments and the economy. After the unsettling riots that rocked South Africa recently, Anthony Turton’s talk about historical insights and the outlook for the future was just what we needed.

None of this would have been possible if you had not shown up and embraced change. I believe us all coming together as a community has been very helpful and given us a sense of encouragement as we journey through this uncertain time.

Look out for many more invitations still to come this year. As a special treat, we will be joined online by Pieter Dirk Uys in November. For now, online events are our best and safest way of connecting, but we remain hopeful to host face-to-face events soon.

There’s a hero inside all of us

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Give Back. 4 Comments on There’s a hero inside all of us

I have a new hero in my life! I have known Samson for quite a while now, but little did I know that he would be the one to give me hope and a renewed sense of how we humans, collectively, can be stronger and braver than we ever thought.

Samson is my running coach and during our early morning run this past Saturday, we shared stories of our past. He told me that he used to be a child of the streets and, he relied on the kindness and open hearts of passersby and restaurant owners for food. Samson would often scrounge for food and clothes in rubbish bins and slept wherever he could find a safe space for the night. At eight years old, his parents could not afford to look after him, and I imagine how he put on his super-hero cape and made the streets his home.

Superheroes come in all shapes and sizes, and it’s very often ordinary human beings who achieve great things. Heroes do need sidekicks though, and in my mind, this translates to the superpower we have as people when we pull together, support each other and give with our hearts and minds with love.

When I am struggling the most, I often get busy helping where I can. It makes me feel better. Gabi and I spent many happy hours together this month baking chocolate-chip biscuits and wrapping extra-stock Chartered gifts as donations to the health care workers and nurses. The theme of July is ‘Health and Wellness’ at Chartered – as a company, we are pulling together, helping each other and as many people as we can through this difficult period. Helping others makes you feel good. It feels good to give back and know that even your smallest gesture can make a big difference.

Samson’s story is not unique. It’s one of many, if not thousands of stories out there. But Samson is unique. Against all odds, he managed not only to survive – but thrive! Today, he is a successful business person, a great running coach and an extraordinary human being. I was really touched by how grateful he was and still is for having the strength, the tenacity, and the help of many people to get him to where he is today. He has been the inspiration behind our outreach efforts to help the many homeless people in Rosebank find shelter and food.

Trying to get through this third wave of the pandemic as well as the current chaos in our country has been hard. And it’s because we’re tired; we are worn-out and depleted. I want to remind you that you too have a hero inside you – and if many heroes join together, they become unstoppable! Don’t journey alone, join forces with your friends, your family or colleagues. We are stronger together, and together we will get through this and make a difference while we’re at it.

There is no better tonic than giving back. Think of the many ways you can make someone else’s life better. I’ve started adding extra toiletries to my shopping trolley for donation to the homeless. Perhaps you can support your local restaurant or corner shop, even if you don’t feel like takeaways. Or call a friend, someone who may need a listening ear. Nelson Mandela reminded us that no matter how small your actions, you can change the world for the better. Why not dedicate your 67 minutes this July giving back to the world around you?

I would love to hear how you celebrated giving back this month.

Until then, stay safe and ‘may the force be with you’,

Lean on me – lean on you

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Health. 3 Comments on Lean on me – lean on you

Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I call a friend. You all know how much I enjoy spending time with people, and for me, nothing beats a good chat with a good friend. If it’s face-to-face, even better. Add a cappuccino (or dare I say, a glass of wine) – the best!

My friend and I both desperately needed to talk, to lean on each other. Bill Withers expressed it so beautifully in his song Lean on me:

Lean on me,
when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend,
I’ll help you carry on…
for it won’t be long,
till I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.

My friend is going through a difficult patch. Her elderly parents have moved in, and her mom is immobile. This has completely changed life in their home. After listening, I asked her: How are you taking care of yourself? She was shocked! It was a question that she has never considered. “But I’m too busy taking care of everyone else,” she said.

I have also been feeling a bit fatigued lately. A while back, I told you that my husband, Gys was diagnosed with cancer. He has been incredibly brave, and his treatment schedule has been harrowing. The good news is that he’s been given the all-clear twice now and his next check-up is three months from now. Life always happens in ebbs and flows, and low points and high points are often grouped together. It has been a difficult time for us as a family as my daughter, Gabi, has now been experiencing paralysis in her left hand. It’s been six weeks so far with no improvement. In addition, my schedule has been ramped up with talks and interviews around my new book, and this time of year is busy with workshops, seminars and meetings. I like to help and very seldom turn down a speaking engagement or meeting request. Trying to make a difference, even for one person, makes it all worthwhile.

My friend threw my question right back at me and asked me how I was taking care of myself. It’s a good question. I always say that if you don’t look after yourself, you will be of no use to anyone else.

We are compassionate human beings, and compassion is probably one of the most powerful forces in the world. It embraces the noble traits of grace, empathy and love; it drives hope; helps us see the light in the darkness and makes us feel loved. We’ve seen compassion in action all over the world. Everyone I know has spent time helping others, being kinder, gentler and offering support. It’s just in our nature. We want to help. We want to be there for the people we love.

But we do have to watch out for compassion fatigue, defined by psychologists as exhaustion on a physiological, biological and emotional level brought on by prolonged periods of stress. You may be feeling more tired than usual, or more forgetful, even burnt-out. Decisions become harder to make, your coping skills diminish, and life just feels too much.

So, here’s my question to you: How are you looking after yourself? Are you self-compassionate? Do you take time out to self-care and self-love? I know it sounds easier than it really is. I get that. It is hard to self-care when you are so busy caring for everyone else in your life. But you simply have to make yourself a priority too. If you falter and fall, you will not be there to look after the ones you love.

Apart from making time for chats with my friends, I self-care by taking long, warm baths. I exercise every day, take my daily vitamins and make sure that I’m always able to serve my family fresh vegetables and herbs from my garden. If things get really tough, I practice gratitude to remind myself just how special my world is.

Find someone to lean on if you need a helping hand… they will need to lean on you too at some point. Be kind and compassionate to yourself and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can.

Showing up can make all the difference

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Learn. 1 Comment on Showing up can make all the difference

Have you ever had a great idea? But too worried about what people may think and never shared it? Have you got a good story to tell or a dream that’s so big and daring that you’re too afraid to say it out loud? Just in case it doesn’t happen. Have you ever been in love but too nervous to say ‘I love you’ first?

My husband Gys started his business called Kuni a few years ago. He has spent his life in the woodworking industry, and apart from a small collection he sold to Tony Factor when he was a young boy, he never really launched his own collection. Kuni was his dream in the making, to design and create unique handcrafted furniture and art.

Gys grappled with the idea of launching his concept to market for a while. He kept wondering ‘what if’. What if people don’t like my designs? What if they don’t sell? What if no one ends up supporting my brand? But the most significant question Gys asked himself was ‘what if I don’t do it and never even try?’

Brené Brown’s words come to mind: Owning your story is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.

Owning your story and showing up does take courage. Let me tell you, it’s not easy putting yourself out there for the world to see. There will always be doubts and the many ‘what ifs’ will churn around in your mind. I had similar feelings when my book, Midlife Money Makeover was ready to launch. What if I get bad reviews? What if my message isn’t received favourably? What if people don’t like the book?

But what is the alternative? To keep your feelings, your words, your ideas and your dreams to yourself? Just in case people laugh at you or prove you wrong?

Did you know that Theodor Seuss Geisel, otherwise known as Dr. Seuss had his first book rejected by 27 different publishers; Albert Einstein was thought to be mentally handicapped and did not speak until the age of four, or read till the age of 7; Colonel Sanders was rejected by 1009 restaurants before one accepted his famous chicken recipe and franchise model? Thomas Edison who has 1093 patents to his name, failed over 10 000 times when trying to invent the first electric lightbulb.

“If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves,” says Thomas Edison.

The point is that if you are so worried about what people may think that it holds you back from doing, saying or being what’s in your heart, you may never change your worldview or the world. Think for a moment about everything you may be capable of but not doing. What are you not showing up for? What if that one idea could make all the difference?

Dreams can come true

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Play. No Comments on Dreams can come true

You are never too young or too old to create joy in your life. Ariel in The Little Mermaid said, “Who says my dreams have to stay just my dreams?” And she’s right! There’s a certain magic sharing your dreams with someone special, and chances are that if you plan your dreams together, they may just come true in spectacular princess style!

This year, a special friend and I decided to celebrate our birthdays together with an intimate group of friends and family. We both love the magic and joy of birthdays and to make the most of this occasion, we decided on a princess themed party. I really missed not throwing a bold and extravagant party with my trademark ‘more is more’ and ‘bolder is better’ approach last year. Back then, we were in level 5 of lockdown, so my birthday dream turned into a wish that I’m making come true this year.

Dreams don’t have to stay wishes forever, but you may have to put them on hold sometimes. Cinderella had it right when she said: “If you dream a thing more than once, it’s sure to come true.” We may not all be princesses, but every girl deserves a princess party at least once in her lifetime!

Planning my birthday is often the best part. And planning a princess party is so much fun! We will be setting up a delicious candy stand and I even got to choose a magnificent regal crown for the special day! Moana said: “If I go, there’s just no telling how far I’ll go,” and in true Moana style, we are going all out!

Joy is contagious! Creating joy very often leads to more happiness! Have you ever noticed how good it feels to give? So I’ve decided to put another joyous plan in action for Easter. I will be doing a fun-filled Easter egg hunt for my children and their friends (the youngest being fifteen.) They will be going on a scavenger hunt in search of lost treasure on the beach.

It really has not been an easy or cheerful year so far, and it is tough to lighten up. We may not have much to laugh about, but research has shown that laughter has far-ranging health benefits and it’s a great tool to manage stress. It’s also contagious. Snow White told the Seven Dwarfs that “you are the only one that can fill the world with sunshine,” and I agree. Creating and planning for joy and sharing the fun and laughter gives everyone something to look forward to!

I would love to hear your ideas on how to spread joy and laughter in our daily lives.

Every sprinkle of fairy dust makes a difference and may just make another dream come true!

You’re not imagining it

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Learn. 15 Comments on You’re not imagining it

Do you wake up some mornings wondering or, perhaps hoping, that you’re waking up from a bad dream? I have been feeling like this a lot lately. Waking up and realising that this is another day where Covid is real and coming to terms with my emotions has become a morning ritual.

I have been feeling lost emotionally. And for me, this is hard. I write and teach about the importance of naming the emotion so that you can connect with grief and move through it. And here I was, feeling numb, almost like someone switched on the dimmer switch to all my emotions.

I reached out to a friend who understood that I needed to name the emotion, and she explained the term ambiguous loss to me. It is not something you imagine at all!

Ambiguous loss feels uncertain, is without closure and clear understanding. It does not have defined boundaries; it is not a black and white event. You may be grieving for someone physically present but psychologically absent in your life (as in dementia, or so overwhelmed with stress and anxiety that they are incapable of connecting with you). Or you may mourn for someone who is physically absent but psychologically present (such as missing the people you love due to Covid restrictions, confinement to your home or living with someone who is autistic or a drug addict).

I suspect we are all grieving for the people absent in our lives but still a part of it. We are emotionally exhausted and drained, and very often, we mourn in isolation. We are unsure about what tomorrow will bring. Will we test positive for Covid? What if someone we love does? What does all this mean for our economy? It is hard to find the love, joy and belonging that we crave as humans.

This type of loss is hard to explain and even harder to heal from. If you can’t name it for what it is, you are left searching for answers, and because you are not really sure what or who you are grieving for, the healing process takes so much longer.

So let’s name it for what it is – you may also be experiencing ambiguous loss. I have felt a tremendous sense of relief to know that there is a name for what I was feeling. I was not imagining the sense of unease and the urge to numb the pain I was feeling. The problem is that if you numb the pain, the joyful moments are also less wonderous.

What has helped me is to become more conscious of finding my daily joy. You have to physically stop, pause for a moment, and take in the joyfulness. In this newsletter, Claire Holden shares a wonderful exercise on finding our joyful moments.
I find my peace and enjoyment in my garden, looking at my beautiful roses or sitting at the fish pond watching the Koi fish. My morning run has become my tonic for the day and, every time I’m able to connect with a friend face-to-face outdoors, my happiness index rises a couple of notches. As a family, we celebrated with lots of smiles and happiness when, after two operations and many treatments, my husband Gys’s cancer biopsies were negative. We have three stress-free months before we have to go for another check-up.

You are not imagining how you’re feeling, but you are not alone. Let’s spread some joy and love together.

Living in the Present

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Health. 5 Comments on Living in the Present

Thinking back, 2020 has certainly taught us to be resilient and adaptable. I am sure that many people opted to change their holiday arrangements in light of the Covid resurgence and closed beaches.

Our family holiday was to be in Knysna. We actually drove as far as Port Elizabeth, but after the President’s family meeting on the 14th of December, decided it was perhaps not the best idea to spend time in such a popular and populated destination. Johannesburg seemed a much safer bet and we spent a wonderful Christmas at home.

After Christmas and much consideration, we all agreed as a family, that the Kruger National Park would be the ideal getaway in a safe, open-air environment. We were so sure that we had made the right decision for a low-risk Covid exposure, surrounded by the African bush and immersed in nature.

Things don’t always go as planned and we have just emerged from 14 days of isolation. My son Josh tested positive for Covid while we were in the bush. You just never know!

Having a child with Covid – or any family member, friend, colleague or client – is hard. You are constantly anxious about their health and your own. Josh worried that he would pass it on to us, and we worried about him. So many thoughts whirl through your head: what if I have it; what if I pass it on unknowingly; am I doing the right thing?

In this time, I have learnt that it is so important to control your thoughts. My recurring thoughts was thinking about the past, “I wish we had …” or “I wish we could go back to the way things were.” Some of my thoughts dwelled in the future, and I kept asking myself “what if” while at the same time trying to guess what may or may not happen.

What really helped me cope and manage my emotions, was to stay in the present. Being present, in the given moment, means that you let go of the past, and stop worrying about the future. All you have, at this moment, is this time. Focus on what is happening right now. Make every moment your priority and don’t let it slip by you unnoticed.

By focusing on the present, I was able to cancel out most of the noise in my head. It gave me peace knowing that I was celebrating each present moment instead of worrying about the past or the future. I know this is not always possible, and it’s certainly not easy. Our minds are wired for flight or fight – an automatic physiological reaction to stressful events. But we owe it to ourselves to try.

Support and be kind to yourself during this process. Remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can. If possible, find ways to quiet the thoughts in your head – I like to focus on my breathing and meditation is also a good tool. Some people immerse themselves in their senses. Whatever works for you, remind yourself, as often as you need, that each moment is a gift. A gift that is worth living.

Wishing you all many happy, healthy and peaceful moments this year!