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Review of “Beyond Anxiety” by Martha Beck

Written by Karen Wilson on . Posted in Chartered Library, Purpose, Resources. No Comments on Review of “Beyond Anxiety” by Martha Beck

Martha Beck holds a PhD in Sociology from Harvard, among other degrees, and has established herself as a leader in the field of life coaching. Having grappled with severe anxiety herself, she made it her mission to research the subject and identify effective ways of curbing anxiety’s grip on Western society.

First off, she observes that many of us have grown up in a culture that reveres left-brain thinking– logical, controlling, competitive and productivity-obsessed – with too little focus on the right brain. The result is a pandemic of ‘anxiety spirals’ triggered by fear and trauma that aren’t grounded in present reality but keep looping back; she is convinced that the antidote is learning to harness the creative right brain to quieten anxiety and ignite innovative problem-solving and a joyful sense of purpose and connection.

The author herself went through IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy, which she found helpful in understanding how different parts of the psyche react when under stress, and she explains this further in quite a bit of detail. She also shares other personal experiences, as well as those of clients and colleagues, including the fascinating case of Dr Jill Bolte Taylor, whose left hemisphere stopped functioning at the time she had a stroke at the age of 37 (if you’re interested, she wrote a book about this called My Stroke of Insight, and has a TED Talk).

Martha Beck uses humorous and whimsical metaphors to convey concepts – from ‘stitching a sanity quilt’ to ‘magical chickens’. The book contains numerous exercises that can be applied to calm your ‘anxiety creature’ – yes, you should give it a name as it’s not going anywhere! – and progresses through suggestions and practices to connect you with your curiosity and creativity, and use these as tools to find peace and purpose.

The book is organised into three main sections. The latter part of Beyond Anxiety does move into spiritual and metaphysical territory and a broader discussion on humanity. As she unapologetically states, it may seem a bit too “woo woo” for some people – but it certainly makes for thought-provoking reading.

Building Communities by Focusing on Strengths

Written by Lyndsay Barr on . Posted in Purpose. No Comments on Building Communities by Focusing on Strengths

“Go to the people.
Live with them, learn from them, love them.
Start with what they know, build with what they have.
But with the best leaders, when the work is done,
The people will say,
‘We have done this ourselves.’” – Lao Tzu

These words, written more than 2,700 years ago, are more than philosophy for Chartered client Janine Ward, they are the foundation of her life’s work.

For nearly four decades, Janine has dedicated herself to community development across Africa, guided by the principle that people are their own best experts. This approach, known as Asset-Based Citizen-led Development (ABCD), turns traditional development thinking on its head. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, ABCD begins with what’s already there: skills, passions, relationships, land, and resources.

As Janine explains, “The key principle of ABCD is to focus on what is strong, not what is wrong.” Asking people “What do you have?” rather than “What do you need?” creates a shift in perspective that is powerful and liberating. Time and again, Janine has witnessed the light bulb moment when people realise they already hold the tools to shape their own future. “Once people reach this point,” she says, “all I do is step back and watch them fly.”

Today, Janine is helping to spread this philosophy across South Africa through Love Cities, a movement that began in her hometown of Howick and has since grown to 11 towns across the country. Each community decides on its own projects — from clean-ups to coffee shops to housing initiatives — drawing on the unique strengths of its people and resources. By uniting municipalities, businesses, faith-based organisations and residents, Love Cities creates collaborative, home-grown solutions that build pride and lasting impact. In Gqeberha, for example, Love Nelson Mandela Bay runs a “One House a Month” campaign, renovating homes, dormitories and schools, while Love Paarl has created a coffee shop that trains baristas and doubles as a community meeting place.

Janine has also reached a milestone she has dreamed of for years. Together with a group of ABCD colleagues, she has just registered the ABCD Africa Association, a platform to connect practitioners across the continent. The Association will provide a space to share ideas, success stories, resources and work opportunities, and will officially launch soon with a virtual event. You can already follow their updates on Facebook.

And there is always room for more hearts and hands. Visit www.lovecities.org.za, explore the initiatives near you, and reach out to Janine or Matt to see how you can play a part in building a stronger, more connected South Africa

Get in touch:

Janine Ward – jwinspace@gmail.com | 082 956 0048 | LinkedIn
Matt Hogarty (CEO, Love Cities) – matt@lovecities.org.za | 082 882 2019

Out with the old. In with the new.

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Kim's Blogs, Purpose. 1 Comment on Out with the old. In with the new.

Spring has a way of reminding us to clear out what no longer serves us. We declutter cupboards, tidy gardens, and refresh our homes. But our money habits can also pile up over the years. And not all of them help us live the life we want today.

This season is a wonderful time to pause and ask: What’s working? What needs to change? What can I let go of?

The habits that shape our second chapter

Habits play a big role in shaping the life we live. They influence the small decisions we make every day, and over time, they guide the bigger picture of our second chapter.

I read a beautiful quote by D.H. Lawrence this week: “Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved.” For me, that speaks to the balance we’re all trying to find. Yes, we need habits that keep us secure and financially on track, but not at the cost of living fully and enjoying what we’ve worked so hard for.

Over the years, I’ve seen how some habits can hold people back. Perhaps you’ll recognise one or two:

  • Avoiding your bank balance because it feels overwhelming.
  • Feeling guilty about spending, even when you’ve planned well.
  • Postponing experiences and moments of joy you can afford, worrying you’ll run out.
  • Always putting others’ needs before your own financial goals.
  • Avoiding new opportunities because it feels safer to stick with old routines.

But there are habits that support us: checking in with your budget or planner, setting boundaries when family asks for financial help, and using your money with intention to create memories, invest in your well-being, and live with joy.

It’s worth reflecting: Which habits are still serving me, and which no longer fit the life I want to live?

Start small – one change at a time

Think of it like gardening. You don’t replant the whole bed in a single afternoon; you start with one patch. It’s the same with habits.

Maybe it’s reviewing your monthly statement for subscriptions you no longer use. Maybe it’s saying “yes” more often and trying something new. Or perhaps it’s starting a “what if” conversation with your partner or family.

Small steps create awareness – and awareness creates change.

Spring reflections

Why not use this time to choose one habit to nurture or one to release?

  • What do you want more of in this chapter of life?
  • Which habits will help you get there?
  • Which ones no longer fit the life you want to live?

Even the smallest change can bring fresh energy and a splash of sunshine into your days. Wishing you a bright and colourful spring season.

How lucky are we – turning ordinary days into reasons to be grateful

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Kim's Blogs, Purpose. No Comments on How lucky are we – turning ordinary days into reasons to be grateful

We may not have a national Thanksgiving Day in South Africa. No parades. No pumpkin pie. And definitely no turkey. But that doesn’t mean we can’t create our own version to say thank you. Not just in our heads, but out loud – in small, meaningful ways that remind the people around us they matter.

August has given us the perfect opportunity to pause and show gratitude to all the women who make the world a better place. I’m not sure I always stop long enough to tell the incredible women in my life just how much they mean to me. So instead of letting August pass in a blur, I’ve decided to turn it into a little personal celebration of gratitude. A reminder that the people who show up for us, stand by us, and cheer us on – deserve to be seen and appreciated. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Often, the most meaningful gift you can give is your time – to be present and make space for the important people in your life over the urgent to-do’s.

Gratitude doesn’t need an official day. But it does need practice.

We often think of kindness and generosity as gifts we give to others. But one of the most meaningful gifts we can give ourselves is time to reflect. I keep a gratitude journal – it’s something I’ve shared often and continue to do every day. It’s a small ritual that reminds me how much there is to be thankful for.

It’s also a good time to check in with yourself. If something feels heavy – like an obligation, or a commitment that drains rather than energises you – maybe it’s a sign to let it go. If it feels light, joyful, or meaningful, say yes. Sometimes the most generous thing you can do is to honour your own energy and move through your days with more lightness.

Replacing “I have to” with “How lucky am I to…”

I loved reading something Brent Lindeque from Good Things Guy recently shared on social media. He spoke about a simple mindset shift to lift your day – replacing “I have to” with “I get to.” It’s such a small change – but a powerful one. It reminds us that the things we so often dread – errands, family obligations, shopping, cooking, mowing the lawn – are the very things we’re lucky to have, and fortunate to do.

If you’d like to join me in my personal gratitude celebration quest, here’s a little challenge for the month ahead: Pick one, a few, or think of your own:

  • Turn “I have to” into “how lucky am I to”.
  • Be observant – noticing what someone truly needs or loves, and surprise them with it.
  • Call someone who’s made a difference in your life.
  • Give a compliment that costs nothing but means everything.
  • Offer to mentor someone or teach them a new skill.
  • Make time for the people who matter most, even when life feels busy.

Let’s find small ways to say, “You matter.” Because everything we do with love matters – to others and to the person we’re becoming along the way.

Beyond Inheritance: The Gift of Experiences

Written by Lyndsay Barr on . Posted in Client Story, Purpose. 1 Comment on Beyond Inheritance: The Gift of Experiences

When we think about the legacy we want to leave behind, it’s not always about financial inheritance or material wealth. For many, it’s about creating lasting memories, imparting values, and sharing meaningful experiences that will be remembered for generations. Chartered clients Trevor and Rina White chose a different path when considering their legacy. Instead of focusing solely on financial inheritance for their grandchildren, they wanted to create something more personal, something that would resonate with their family for years to come. Here, they share their heartwarming journey of crafting a living legacy through shared experiences.

“While discussing our estate planning, as guided by Chartered Wealth, my wife and I decided that our financial inheritance planning would be limited to our children, allowing them to decide what would accrue to their children (our grandchildren). From the birth of our two grandchildren, one now eleven and the other eight years old, we, as grandparents, have been involved in their early childhood development. We’ve taken them to and from school, sponsored and accompanied our granddaughter to piano lessons, and our grandson to jiu-jitsu lessons.

We decided that instead of leaving them money, we would find a ‘lasting experience’ that we could share with them as a family – something our grandchildren would hopefully always remember us for, as their Oumi and Oupi!

We considered a long list of possibilities, such as pleasure cruises, skiing trips, Mauritius, the Kruger Park, or even a visit to Disney World, just to mention a few. However, none of these really ticked all the boxes. We wanted to be together as a family, actively involved, while also considering the costs and ensuring the experience was fun-filled for everyone.

Having done a barge trip on the French canals nearly a quarter of a century ago, my wife and I felt that this could be exactly what we were looking for. It combined transport and accommodation in one, with the grandchildren being old enough to act as crew members when entering and exiting the many locks along the way. They helped the lock-keepers with opening and closing the manually operated locks and cycled into the towns and villages to buy fresh provisions such as bread and milk. As a health-conscious family, the grandkids cycled alongside while one of us jogged on the traffic-free cycle routes, which run parallel to all the canals, keeping up with the boat as it made its way along the waterways.

The trip turned out to be everything we had hoped for and more. The weather was perfect, everything went according to plan, and we worked together like a well-oiled machine. The grandchildren were involved from start to finish; they were never bored and seemed to love every minute. We, as grandparents, truly believe we have given them an unforgettable experience that they will carry with them into the future. And the best part? We were able to share it with them!”

Filling the Gaps: How Making Appointments with Yourself Can Ease Transitions

Written by Lyndsay Barr on . Posted in Purpose, Resources. No Comments on Filling the Gaps: How Making Appointments with Yourself Can Ease Transitions

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Transitions, whatever they may be, often involve a change in routine. Whether it’s adjusting to an empty nest, retirement, or another significant life shift, these changes can leave us feeling unmoored, unsure of how to fill the time and space once occupied by familiar activities and responsibilities.

As I transitioned into an empty nest, I found myself slipping into a slump where weeks seemed to blur together. The routine and purpose once defined by my children’s needs were suddenly gone, leaving an unsettling emptiness. I realised that if I didn’t make some changes, I could easily become stuck in this rut.

To bring structure and purpose back into my life, I began making weekly appointments with myself. These weren’t about filling my schedule with busy work; they were about reconnecting with myself and exploring new interests to fill the gaps left by my children.

Last week, my self-imposed appointments included two spinning classes, evening walks with the dogs, and an embroidery class with a friend. These activities weren’t chosen because of a deep passion but rather as a way to stay accountable to myself. Some, like spinning, offered a physical outlet, while others, like the embroidery class, were a chance to try something new, even if embroidery isn’t in my future.

This week, I’m excited to dust off my camera and spend time in the garden taking pictures before dusk—an activity that reconnects me with my love for photography. I’ve also planned a date night with my husband and a visit to Exclusive Books to browse, something I’ve always loved but haven’t made time for in a while.

Through this process, I’ve learned that transitions like these can leave you feeling lost, unsure of your direction, and disconnected from the routines that once anchored you. But by committing to these weekly appointments, I’ve found a way to fill the gaps that were left behind. Even when I don’t enjoy every new thing I try, the act of making these commitments keeps me accountable, pushing me to stay active and engaged rather than slipping back into that initial slump.

Here are a few tips that might help you navigate your own transitions:

  • Try New Things: Step out of your comfort zone and explore new activities. Even if they don’t all become lifelong passions, they can help you discover new interests and keep your mind engaged.
  • Reconnect with Old Passions: Use this time to revisit hobbies or interests that you may have set aside. Whether it’s a creative pursuit, gardening, or volunteering, reconnecting with old passions can bring a sense of fulfilment.
  • Set Small, Achievable Goals: Start with small goals that are easy to accomplish. As you meet these goals, you’ll build confidence and momentum, making it easier to tackle bigger challenges.
  • Find a Community: Transitions can feel isolating. Joining a group or class related to your interests can help you build a new social circle and share experiences with others going through similar changes.

By setting aside time each week for intentional activities, you can begin to carve out a new path and find purpose, no matter what transition you are going through.

Granting Ourselves the Grace of Self-Permission

Written by Lyndsay Barr on . Posted in Purpose, Resources. No Comments on Granting Ourselves the Grace of Self-Permission

Inspired by Kim’s blog.

The Permission Slip Exercise

We all harbour thoughts, ideas, or beliefs that hold us back. Ask yourself:

  • What are the qualities, thoughts, or inner voices you need to banish?
  • What new beliefs and qualities can you focus on to allow yourself to thrive?

Answer these questions and jot down the limiting beliefs to banish alongside the ones to embrace.

Examples of Self-Permission

Granting ourselves permission takes many shapes; here are a few examples to explore:

  • Permission to Say No: It’s okay to decline requests that don’t align with your values or current priorities. Permit yourself to prioritise your own needs.
  • Permission to Rest: Prioritise your well-being! Grant yourself permission to recharge without feeling guilty.
  • Permission to Celebrate: Celebrate moments and achievements, whether big or small.
  • Permission to Change Your Mind: We’re constantly evolving. Give yourself the flexibility to change your opinions or plans as you gain new insights or experiences. It’s okay to pivot when necessary.
  • Permission to Pursue Passion: Make time for activities that bring you joy, even if they don’t seem practical.
  • Permission to Disconnect: In our hyper-connected world, grant yourself permission to unplug from technology to reconnect with yourself and your surroundings.
  • Permission to Ask for Help: You don’t have to do everything alone. Allow yourself to seek support when you need it.
  • Permission to Prioritise Self-Care: Make your physical, mental, and emotional health a priority. Grant yourself permission to invest in self-care practices that nourish and rejuvenate you.
  • Permission to Set Boundaries: Give yourself permission to set boundaries that protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
  • Permission to Just Be: Sometimes, we just need permission to exist peacefully in the present moment without striving or needing to achieve anything. Give yourself space to breathe, be comfortable in your own skin, and simply “be.”

Sticky Note Reminders

Writing your permission slips on sticky notes and placing them on your mirror, fridge, or above your desk serves as potent reminders and often helps silence the inner critic.

Your Turn

So, what are you going to give yourself permission to do this year? Share your permission slip ideas in the comments below.

The Freedom to Be … with permission, of course

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Kim's Blogs, Purpose. No Comments on The Freedom to Be … with permission, of course

Have you ever found yourself standing on the edge of a decision, just waiting for someone to say it’s ok before you take the plunge? To give you the approval for what you’d like to do? Or stop yourself from doing something because it feels unfamiliar? You’re not alone. It’s human nature. We all hold ourselves back sometimes.

But what if the only permission slip you truly need is from yourself? Why not write yourself a ‘permission slip’ and give yourself the freedom – and permission – to feel, behave, and live exactly as you want to? Within reason (and your spending plan), of course…

Brené Brown uses the term’ permission slips’ as a way to allow yourself to feel (or do something) that might be out of your comfort zone or that’s new to you. It’s similar to the ones we, as parents, received from school, allowing our children to go on school outings. Last week, I was immersed in the Learning to Love Midlife workshop presented by Chip Conley at the Elder Academy. I was completely taken aback when a ‘learning to surf’ activity was suggested! I’m 55 and have never surfed before! Why try now? My initial response was quickly followed by another voice: what if I hurt myself? And then, “What if I can’t do it – and embarrass myself?”

What I really needed to do was give myself permission not to think about everything that could possibly go wrong but rather to focus my energy on thinking how cool it would be to actually feel what it’s like to surf, to try something new, and to expand myself instead of limiting what could be possible.

So yes! I surfed! Loved it and even managed to stand on the board and ride a wave! Of course, I had an instructor who helped me each step of the way – and in all honesty, the wave was very small! But I surfed in Mexico; more than that, it’s given me the confidence to try new things.

Sometimes, we hold ourselves back, waiting for permission, or do things just to gain approval. Other times, we avoid doing them completely for fear of disappointing someone close to us. This behavioural pattern often plays out within our closest relationships. Asking for permission can also become a convenient excuse – “We would have loved to, but our children advised us against it.” Deep down, we’re actually just looking for a reason not to.

It seems that at Chartered, we’ve become quite the go-to when it comes to tricky financial requests from the family. Next time the question of lending money to your adult children comes up, have your answer ready: ‘Sorry, we’d love to help, but Kim and Jason looked at the numbers and advised us not to.’ And yes, when it’s time to treat yourself and go on that trip, count on us to cheer you on: “Of course, financially, you are absolutely able to take that trip!”

As we promise to give ourselves permission to try new experiences, it’s important to consider the impact on our financial planning. Sometimes, we all need objective advice, especially regarding our money and financial security. Your Planning Specialist knows exactly how your actions will impact your planning and will always be available to give you objective advice and guidance without compromising your financial wellness – ensuring that your money is aligned with your life.

Review of To Walk It Is To See It by Kathy Elkind

Written by Karen Wilson on . Posted in Chartered Library, Purpose, Resources. No Comments on Review of To Walk It Is To See It by Kathy Elkind

(1 Couple, 98 Days, 1400 Miles on Europe’s GR5)
Reviewed by Karen Wilson

After American Kathy Elkind and her husband Jim moved to Vermont and became empty nesters, they decided to plan a grand walking adventure. In her late fifties and moderately fit, Kathy selected the Grande Randonnée Cinq (GR5) route, starting in Hoek van Holland in The Netherlands and finishing in Nice, France, a distance of 2300 kilometres. Her rationale was that this route would be more refined than rugged, offering a better chance of her making it through to the end!

The official trail winds through Europe’s Vosges, Jura and the Alps mountain ranges, so it is not just a leisurely stroll. On longer days, they walked up to 37 km, overnighting in gîtes (simple country lodgings for travellers) or occasionally a hotel as a treat and a chance to rest up in comfort. At times, kind strangers stepped in to find them somewhere to sleep. Along the way, they befriended different local walkers for the brief time that they had a path and destination in common.

Kathy’s richly descriptive writing invites you along for the walk. She brings the scenery, villages, and walking conditions to life and shares her highs and lows as the three-month trek unfolds.

For Kathy, walking the GR5 was also a journey of introspection and discovering who she was as she approached her sixth decade. She looks back on her struggles with dyslexia (that she became a teacher and wrote this book is a huge achievement) and comfort eating, and reflects on her 28-year marriage – did she marry Jim for the right reasons, and how compatible are they, particularly as they enter a new phase of their lives? Seemingly, both she and Jim came away with more clarity and connection, thanks to that Alpine air!

It is an enjoyable read that may inspire sedentary individuals to rush out and buy their first pair of sturdy walking shoes.

A copy of To Walk It Is To See It by Kathy Elkind is available in the Chartered client library for short-term loan.

REVIEW of “The Lost Art of Dying – Reviving Forgotten Wisdom” by L.S. Dugdale, MD

Written by Karen Wilson on . Posted in Chartered Library, Purpose, Resources. No Comments on REVIEW of “The Lost Art of Dying – Reviving Forgotten Wisdom” by L.S. Dugdale, MD

Dying is a subject that many of us skirt around, finding it morbid and unsettling, especially when it concerns ourselves or close family and friends. Lydia Dugdale, Associate Professor of Medicine and director of the Center for Clinical Medical Ethics at Colombia University, is an internal medicine primary care doctor who believes that our approach and attitude to dying have changed to our detriment in the modern world.

Dugdale was inspired to write her book after coming across literature originating in the 15th century. The genre was known as ars moriendi (the art of dying) – a handbook for dying well, to be learned while still in good health, in an era when average human lifespans were relatively short. She concluded that we no longer anticipate and prepare well for our mortality for various reasons. She attributes this partly to advances in medical technology and facilities since the early 20th century, which enable us to distance ourselves from death. We are now also inclined to view medical interventions and hospitalisation as a tool to stave off death, even under the direst circumstances. She deems that sometimes such interventions aren’t beneficial and can add to the suffering of the dying.

Some of the topics she covers are finitude (accepting that there are limits to human life), community (staying connected to and supported by others throughout life and at the end of life), hospital vs home (understanding when hospitalisation and/or resuscitation may not be the best choice) and confronting fear of death and degeneration. Whilst the book is not intended to be religious, she also examines the role of spirituality and ritual in preparing for and navigating death.

The author draws on her own experiences, both negative and positive, with frail and terminally ill patients and shares other stories and trends that lend credence to her views. She encourages people to practice patience, hope, humility, faith, and less attachment to material things during their lives as a way of preparing themselves for the eventual end of life – and she asserts early in the book that “The art of dying well starts with the art of living well”!

A copy of “The Lost Art of Dying – Reviving Forgotten Wisdom” by L.S. Dugdale, MD is available in our Chartered client library for short-term loan.

Review of FINDING ME by Viola Davis

Written by Karen Wilson on . Posted in Chartered Library, Purpose, Resources. No Comments on Review of FINDING ME by Viola Davis

Viola Davis would probably not be the first name that comes to mind for most people if asked to specify an award-winning actress. My only acquaintance with her work was a random discovery of the TV series How to Get Away with Murder when it was screened on eTV a few years ago. Something about the gritty legal thriller and its imposing female lead had me engrossed.

Since reading her 2022 autobiography, I now know that Viola Davis has won all the prestigious performance awards – the Tony, an Emmy, an Oscar, as well as a recent Grammy for the audio narration of her memoir; to date, only 18 actors have achieved all four and earned the distinction of becoming an “EGOT”. She is also a graduate of the Juilliard School’s 4-year drama programme, although she felt that she didn’t really fit into the euro-centric training. That’s a truly impressive list of accomplishments, but reading her story leaves you in awe of what she had to overcome and how hard she worked to reach the pinnacle of her craft and a place of self-love.

Viola was born into poverty in the US and grew up as one of six children in a home where alcohol abuse and domestic violence were her backdrop. She describes rat-infested living conditions in buildings that were fire hazards, no heating or hot water in bitterly cold winters, and regular hunger. As a child, her dark skin and chronic bed-wetting added to her torment. Fortunately, there have been a few guiding lights in her life: her oldest sister loved school and encouraged Viola to learn and work towards something better, a teacher and a counsellor urged her to enter an arts talent competition as a teenager, there were friends and mentors as she pursued her acting career, and (after a friend told her to get down on her knees and pray for the kind of man she wanted) her husband of the past 20 years.

In her book, Viola shares her long, gruelling journey to success and self-acceptance, including therapy in later years as she struggled to embrace the traumatised child she had been and to see herself as worthy.

A copy of FINDING ME by Viola Davis is available in the Chartered Client Library for short-term loan.

From Priest to Painter – Gill’s journey

Written by Clients in Action on . Posted in Client Story, Purpose. 2 Comments on From Priest to Painter – Gill’s journey

After being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, Chartered client and former priest, Gill Bowman, discovered a new purpose in art. She had always been passionate about art, even studying it after matric, but her faith and community work took precedence. When she was put on disability leave due to her diagnosis, she realised it was time to rekindle her passion for art.

During a life planning session at Chartered, Gill realised how much she wanted to get back into art. She started doing mandalas and found the process both meditative and healing, describing it as getting the thoughts in her head out onto paper. During lockdown, Gill took online courses from the Learn to Paint Academy and the ETCHR Studio, as well as motivational courses from Jessica Serran.

Gill primarily works with acrylics, occasionally dabbling in watercolours. She soon began selling her art and displaying it at local galleries, spending up to six hours a day in her studio creating her paintings. In December this year, Gill will exhibit her work at “Art on the Veranda” in Bushman’s River. She has also been invited to showcase her art at the prestigious Grahamstown National Arts Festival in 2024.

Gill has turned her art into a new side hustle and also finds it beneficial in managing Parkinson’s symptoms. She says that painting helps to calm her hands and body, as well as her overall anxiety.

Roy, her husband, has been a great supporter of her journey in the world of art. He helps with the framing and other tasks, and she fondly refers to him as her assistant.

When asked about her new purpose in life, Gill said that she had two choices when her purpose as a priest was taken away by Parkinson’s; she realised she could either choose the tomb and see this as the end of her life – or choose the womb, an opportunity to start a new one. Her choice is obvious.

Gill’s story is an inspiration to us all. It shows that we can always find new purpose and meaning in life, even when faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges.

To see Gill’s art, you can follow her on Instagram or Facebook.

Review of I am Ella by Joanne Jowell

Written by Karen Wilson on . Posted in Chartered Library, Purpose, Resources. No Comments on Review of I am Ella by Joanne Jowell

Reviewed by Karen Wilson

Ella of the book title is now 102 years old, just a few years after a series of interviews with author Joanne Jowell, in which she shared her remarkable life. Remarkable that, despite tragic loss and suffering as a young woman, she found the strength to rebuild her life from zero and to thrive.

Ella was born into a close-knit and prosperous Jewish family in Poland. The advent of the Second World War and the Nazi occupation of her home country snatched away anything resembling normality for Ella, who was then in her late teens. She recounts their living conditions after they were forced into the Warsaw Ghetto, the extermination of twenty-three of her beloved family members, and her miracle survival of the Majdanek, Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen concentration camps, along with her niece.

When Ella emerged from this horror in 1945, she was 24. It is a testament to her faith, optimism, and resilience that she started a new life in Paris soon after, then moved to Palestine/Israel, where she met her husband and followed him to South Africa mere weeks later – knowing nothing about her new country and speaking very little English. She and her husband ran a retail business in Brakpan for many years and raised four children who became successful professionals.

For decades, she rarely spoke about what she had endured but gradually began giving small talks to niche audiences. Joanne Jowell had the privilege of spending time with Ella in Cape Town (where she now lives close to her daughter) and documenting her life story. Joanne’s commentary on her interactions with Ella intersperses the narrative and provides more insight into Ella and her experiences. There are also some helpful footnotes explaining the Yiddish words and Jewish traditions that Ella references as she unpacks her memories.

Ella’s fighting spirit and determination to get the most out of life shine through in this book, along with her sense of humour – and the lessons she no doubt hopes humanity has learned from the tragedy of the last World War.

A copy of I am Ella is available for short-term loan from the Chartered Client Library. We also have a copy to give away. To stand a chance to win, email Lyndsay, and you will be entered into our lucky draw.

AnneArtz: A Story of Creativity, Resilience, and Inspiration

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Chartered client Anne Holden has always been driven by her passion for creativity. With a BA in Fine Arts and a PGCE from Unisa and Wits, she began her career coordinating events and designing decor for weddings and corporate functions. Later, Anne transitioned to teaching Visual Art to Grade 10 to Matric and Arts & Culture to Grades 8 & 9. After dedicating 15 years to teaching, she retired in 2021 at the age of 65, ready to explore new artistic ventures.

Unfortunately, in late 2021, Anne was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer, which led to her spending a significant portion of 2022 in and out of the hospital. Despite these challenging circumstances, in between medical treatments, Anne found solace and a means of self-expression through her creative pursuits, specifically mosaic work and painting.

In 2023, Anne decided to embrace her passion fully and established her own art business called AnneArtz. She now teaches painting in retirement homes, provides private lessons, and hosts monthly workshops at her home in Risidale. These workshops explore mosaic work and ceramic painting, offering participants a chance to create their own artwork to take home.

Anne’s commitment to nurturing young talent led her to host a delightful kiddies’ holiday workshop featuring various art activities over five mornings.

Beyond teaching and workshops, Anne showcases her art at Lifestyle Garden Centre and Hadeda, offering ready-made products such as pots, plaques, and stepping stones. She also takes on commissions and recently transformed a nursery school’s firepit with beautiful mosaic scenes. She is currently working on a large mosaic garden “dance floor” for a client.

As a personal project, Anne created a stunning Mexican-inspired wall in her garden, painted in a brilliant blue and adorned with her own mosaic work.

Please visit Anne’s Facebook page for more details about her workshops and art.

Preserving Our Legacy: The importance of recording memories

Written by Lyndsay Barr on . Posted in Purpose, Resources. No Comments on Preserving Our Legacy: The importance of recording memories

As we grow older, we often reflect on the memories we have created throughout our lives. These memories are an integral part of who we are, and they have shaped us into the person we are today. For many of us, the idea of writing down our memories can seem overwhelming, but it is essential to recognise the value of documenting our life experiences for future generations.

Recording our memories allows us to preserve a piece of our personal history for future generations. Our experiences, both good and bad, can provide valuable lessons for our children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Our stories can help future generations understand where they came from, the struggles their ancestors faced, and the legacy they have inherited. Our memories are a gift we can pass down to future generations to ensure our legacy is not forgotten.

Writing down our memories can also be therapeutic. Recalling our life experiences can bring back long-forgotten emotions and feelings. By documenting our memories, we can process and make sense of the events that have shaped us. This process can be incredibly healing and help us find closure on past experiences.

Everyone has a story to tell. No matter how ordinary our lives may seem, we all have unique experiences. We often underestimate the value of our memories and assume that they are not worth documenting, but our stories are essential to understanding the human experience. We can all learn from each other’s experiences and find comfort in knowing we are not alone in our struggles.

Understandably, the idea of writing down our memories can seem overwhelming, but many resources are available to help make the process more manageable. Some people may use technology to document their experiences, such as recording audio or video diaries. Many books and online resources are available that guide how to write down our memories. Jackie Lee-Son created a beautiful framework called A Place for Stories to help guide people through the writing process. Short chapters cover general themes (e.g., Education & Teachers, Careers & Work) to help you organise your memories. Click here to access her guide, which she generously shared with us. Print it out, bind it and start recording those memories. Future generations will treasure them.

Dare to experience the unexperienced

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Kim's Blogs, Purpose. No Comments on Dare to experience the unexperienced

I am so grateful to welcome you into 2023, feeling refreshed and optimistic for what the year holds. A new year often brings new beginnings, renewed hope and a fresh perspective. I hope that you enjoyed a restful holiday period and filled your memory jars with many joyful and loving moments with your family and friends.

My habit has always been to start my new year by creating a vision board, and this year, I added something completely different – new dreams. My wish for the year is to step outside of my comfort zone and try something new and different every month.

You may remember reading the article about Jeff Lawrence who took early retirement to turn his passion for baking and bread into a business. He and his wife Sue moved to Wakkerstroom, where Sue now owns the Village Bakery and coffee shop, and Jeff runs Country Bread, supplying bread to local businesses and offering workshops on artisan bread-making.

Jeff is a true example of Retiremeant™ – living his life on his terms and in his own time. Doing what he loves. Not only does Jeff love bread – and to be honest, I don’t know anyone who can resist the smell of freshly baked bread – his passion shines through in everything he does. I was so inspired by Jeff and Sue’s story, coupled with my dream to experience different adventures and learn something new, that I booked a bread-making workshop for my family.

It was an absolute treat! And I’m not just talking about the smells and tastes. Bread-making, as we discovered, is quite a scientific process, and we learnt both the theory and techniques to bake the perfect loaf. Jeff was a wonderful host and teacher and managed to turn a workshop into an intimate bonding and fun-filled experience for our family.

With Gabi, my daughter going into Matric this year and my son Josh entering his final year at university, my dream of trying out, learning and experiencing something new every month perfectly fits into our family dynamic. For me, it does not have to be a learning experience. It could be doing something completely different just for the fun of it. As long as it’s something fresh and different – something I’ve never done before.

Maybe you have new dreams for 2023 too? I know many clients, like me, spend time at the beginning of the year drawing up their wish lists and goals, and editing their Bucket Wheels®. Why not add something completely different? Something unfamiliar and unexperienced? It may just enrich your world and add a fresh spice to life.

We have made some changes to our Inflight newsletter this year. In keeping with the theme of trying new things, we are introducing a segment where we share new experiences to try or things to learn. We are kicking off with padel since it’s taken the country by storm. We are also introducing a segment on retirement villages, and we will interview clients living in retirement villages across the country. Our book of the month is back, and we will review a new book, available in our client library, each month.

Wishing you many new adventures, fun, learning and fresh experiences this year,

Chartered events – 2022

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At the beginning of 2022, we were looking forward to hosting a combination of in-person and online events, and connecting with our clients – and the year didn’t disappoint.

We kicked off the year with a client vision boarding event which was a fantastic opportunity to set our goals and vision for the year. This was followed by The Jeremy Gardiner roadshow, which began in February with in-person events held in Johannesburg, Pretoria, Cape Town, Durban and Knysna.

Our first planned hybrid event was with Gareth Crocker; however, the Covid numbers increased dramatically, and the decision was made to make it online only, much to everyone’s disappointment. We have certainly not been short of great speakers this year, and clients enjoyed talks from Sean Brokensha — The Music Guru; Steven Sidley, who unpacked the world of Bitcoin for us; and Bruce Whitfield, who discussed how to thrive on the edge of chaos. Our Women’s Day event was a talk from author Helen Nicholson about her book Mindfulness: How to Stay Sane in an Insane World. Peter van Kets: adventurer, inspirational speaker and author inspired clients, regaling them with tales from his numerous extreme adventures and reminding us about the importance of leaving a legacy.

Financial markets have been a great cause for concern, so twice we hosted Victoria Reuvers, Managing Director, Morningstar Investment Management South Africa, who gave us market updates. Jeremy Gardiner, Director at Ninety-One, closed off the online events for the year in November, where he shared his insights into what the real concerns and opportunities are, and what is just noise.

It was wonderful to see our clients on the bowling green and golf course again this year. Bowls have once again proved very popular, and we have enjoyed three bowls days at the Bryanston Sports Club. A few clients have subsequently taken up bowls, which has been so encouraging to see. Our golf league is gaining momentum again, and we hosted golf days at Parkview, Wanderers and Randpark.

A new addition to our events this year was Bucket Wheel® Wednesday which we launched in June. We wanted to host smaller, more intimate events centred around the Balance Wheel, and they have proved extremely popular. Our first guest speaker was Alistair Meredith from Strauss & Co. who discussed a century of South African art in ten pictures. This was followed by a morning spent making sandwiches for Mandela Day in July, a walk around the Wilds in August, a writing workshop with Hamilton Wende in September, and a musical trip down memory lane with Sean Brokensha in October. Our final Bucket Wheel® Wednesday event for the year is a book club with Kate Sidley, where she will share her top picks for December reads, just in time for the holidays.

We are ending the year with a nostalgic trip around Johannesburg on the Red Bus, followed by lunch at Chartered.

We look forward to seeing you at our events in 2023!

Bread – one of life’s simple pleasures

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When Chartered client Jeff Lawrence took early retirement from Nedbank in 2016, it marked the start of turning his passion into a business. When he and his wife, Sue, decided to retire, there were three things they knew for sure.

Firstly, they wanted to remain physically and mentally active; secondly, they wanted to live off the money they earned in retirement; and thirdly, they would move permanently to Wakkerstroom, where they owned a property. So began Jeff’s journey from city to country, banker to baker.

Jeff has always loved baking and eating bread, and let’s be honest, the smell and taste of freshly baked bread are hard to beat. He decided to take his passion for bread and turn it into a business, and Country Bread was born. Initially, he wanted to master the art of bread-making so that he could supply local establishments with fresh bread. Over the years before retirement, Jeff read books and took bread courses locally and overseas to expand his knowledge, and a post-retirement highlight was spending his 60th birthday in the UK doing a four-day course for professional bakers.

His business soon expanded, and he began running bread-making courses in addition to supplying bread to local establishments. Currently, he offers fifteen artisan bread-making courses designed specifically to teach all the theory and techniques to make the perfect loaf. Think of any bread, and Jeff has likely developed a course in it ranging from sourdough bread to ciabatta to croissants; he’s got them all covered. He also has a course designed for families and friends as he believes that baking bread together as a family or with a group of friends is an excellent way of spending quality time together and learning a life skill simultaneously.

There is another side to his business as well —business consultancy. Jeff trains restaurants, bakers and boutique hotels in the art of bread making. These courses are customised to meet the business’s specific needs, typically lasting three to four days.

Sue and Jeff’s other activities are their holiday cottages in Wakkerstroom that they rent out, and Sue owns Village Bakery – the local bakery and coffee shop. Sue roasts her own coffee and also makes beautifully handcrafted leather bags.

When asked why he chose Wakkerstroom, he is quick to tell you about this hidden gem in South Africa. Wakkerstroom is the second oldest town in Mpumalanga and has become one of the prime bird-watching venues in South Africa. It is also well known for its cycling and walking routes, quaint shops and restaurants.

Jeff’s passion is contagious. Teaching the art of bread making is not a job for him; it’s his purpose and combines all the things he loves. But it’s not all work and no play. Jeff and Sue work on their own terms. They love exploring and visit the Drakensburg and Mozambique frequently. They like to go away at least every two months. Family is important to them, so they see their seven grandchildren as often as possible.

We always encourage clients to find balance in the areas of work, give back, relationships, money, learn, health, purpose and play. Jeff is undoubtedly someone who has achieved this balance. As Sheryl Sandberg says, “It is the ultimate luxury to combine passion and contribution. It’s also a very clear path to happiness.”

You can read more about Jeff’s courses at www.countrybread.co.za

Santiago de Compostela Cycling Holiday

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We are a couple in our late 60s who enjoy camping, hiking, cycling and other activities with a sense of purpose and adventure. Cycling in Europe was on our bucket list, so we decided to tick this one off this year. We searched the internet for cycling routes and decided that cycling the Camino Primitivo in Northern Spain would be a worthwhile challenge.

The Camino Primitivo (Original Way) is a pilgrimage route from Oviedo to Santiago de Compostela (“Santiago”). Historically it is the route followed by pilgrims who travelled to see the final resting place of Saint James. Today there are many such routes to Santiago. The routes are signposted with scallop shells indicating the direction pilgrims should follow. People who complete the pilgrimage are awarded a pilgrim’s certificate in Santiago. In order to qualify for the certificate, the pilgrim must get stamps in a pilgrim’s passport. These stamps can be obtained in churches, restaurants, hotels and lodges along the way. To qualify for a certificate, cyclists must have cycled at least the last 300km of a pilgrimage route. We choose to cycle from Oviedo to Santiago. (315km)

The Primitivo route from Oviedo to Santiago is a scenic route through the province of Asturias, passing over the mountainous countryside to the relatively flat farmlands of Galicia and onto Santiago. After researching the route carefully, we realised that we would not be able to cycle the 300 km route on ordinary mountain bikes, so we did it on e-bikes. Don’t be fooled by e-bikes; you still have to pedal, as the battery only lasts so long! A reasonable level of fitness is required. We booked a six-day self-guided cycle tour that included bed and breakfast accommodation, bike hire, a navigation app, and daily transport for our luggage. Comprehensive trip notes were provided, and we studied the notes meticulously and made sure we were fully prepared.

After arriving in Oviedo, we collected our bikes, downloaded the daily routes onto our phones and obtained a pilgrim’s passport from the tourist office. The cycling route follows the walking route, and where this was unsuitable for cyclists, the cycling route reverts to tracks and secondary roads. The app provided us with the equivalent of pre-programmed Google map routes, and after a few wrong turns, we were on our way.

The route through northern Spain gave us the opportunity to see the beautiful scenery and experience day-to-day rural Spanish life. We took plenty of time to enjoy the views and sights along the way and stopped for lunches in the villages we passed through. The first night was spent in a castle in a place called Salas. We then cycled over a serious mountain pass into Galicia. We needed the fitness training we had done at home, and we were elated when we reached the summit. Another stop was in a small town called Fonsagrada on a festival day, where we watched traditional dancing in the town square. We had the opportunity to meet a diverse bunch of pilgrims in the hotels and lodges/albergues along the way. The evenings were spent exploring the villages and towns and sampling the local fare.

We felt a real sense of achievement when we completed our pilgrimage at the cathedral in Santiago. We joined many other pilgrims in the queue to get our pilgrim certificates. After a celebratory meal and a good night’s sleep, we attended a very moving Pilgrim’s Mass in the cathedral.

One more item on our bucket list can now be ticked off! We were realistic about what we could do physically and found a way to make our dream a reality. Meticulous planning is essential. We learnt that there is much out there for retirees if you just take the time to find it.

When What If becomes If Only

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Instead of focusing on the ‘what-ifs’ that could possibly impact our lives in this second chapter post-Covid, I have found that clients are talking about ‘if onlys’. And not in a way that implies regret – these are conversations about living a more wholehearted life.

I have personally found this quote by New York Times best-selling author and host of the Rise Together podcast, Dave Hollis, extremely helpful:

“In the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to.”

Many clients do not want to revert to their old ways of being in the world. Values have shifted, visions have changed, and clients are talking and thinking about life differently. Life changes can be exciting, but it is essential to take time to properly and objectively plan the transition with a solid financial plan to enable it.

Tom and Linda are clients who embraced the concept of pausing, giving them time to reflect and plan their next chapter towards significance. Post-Covid, they were both ready for change. Tom no longer found his architecture business fulfilling, and Linda wanted to move on from her bookkeeping position. They both knew what they no longer wanted to do but were unsure about what to do next.

Often, in the search for significance, clients feel lost, unsure and overwhelmed with emotion. When you’re feeling overly emotional, you simply have to stop and pause, as the decisions or actions you take will almost certainly be flawed. Start by enlisting the advice of your Retiremeant™ Specialist, who will guide you objectively and help you plan the best way forward from a money and life perspective.

I shared the suitcase exercise with Tom and Linda. You may have done it before, but it is such a valuable exercise in times of change.

Imagine you are going on a trip and you can only pack the things that serve you into your suitcase. What you leave behind is as important as what you will take. This exercise helps you recalibrate and get a clearer picture of what is essential as you move forward. It’s about identifying more of what you want by editing what’s not working – and making space for new things. It’s also about reflecting and being grateful for what you do have.

The first thing Tom and Linda packed was their relationship. They are happily married and want to spend more time together. Tom decided to edit out being an architect and sell his business. Linda crystallised a new dream of becoming a life coach. To their surprise and after doing the maths, the Financial Plan showed that they had enough money to take a year-long sabbatical to figure out their next steps.

If you’re having If only thoughts, such as if only I could … change my work, live somewhere else, or do something that really inspires me – it may be time to meet with your Specialist and make your If only a reality.

I truly believe that life is too short not to live intentionally. Let’s make ours count.

In the month of December, you can read about clients embracing their retirement and turning their passion into purpose, ticking off Bucket Wheel® items along the way. We have also included a feature on the various hybrid and in-person events we hosted this year. Enjoy the read.

Cold Water Swimming

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Article by Lise Day

As we grow older and realise that, in certain ways, we are turning into our parents, we may view this as a positive or a negative. My mother was not gracious about accepting help in her old age, so I am determined to accept help when it is offered. But there is another inheritance from my mother that I am embracing gladly. She was Danish, of Viking stock, and all through the freezing Orange Free State winters, she would swim ten laps of her pool every morning. Now at seventy-eight, I find myself in the Camps Bay tidal pool two mornings a week and have been through this winter. Apart from the well-documented effects of swimming in cold water, this pool is in such a beautiful setting that it is good for the soul as well as the body. The Twelve Apostles rise majestically in the North; Signal Hill is in the East, and the pool lies, an emerald jewel between the boulders and the ocean. I love it because it has a flat sandy bottom, you enter from the beach so there are no slippery rocks to negotiate.

It is important to keep moving in cold water. We “water blommetjies” have an aqua-aerobics instructor, the delightful Florence Poretti, who keeps us active with vigorous exercises. At the end of every class, she lines us up for a photograph in the style of a synchronised swimming team, sometimes with our noodles balanced on our heads, or whirling them around like a circus act. On Freedom Day, she brought rainbow-coloured umbrellas to support our nation. The pool itself is so varied according to the weather. Some mornings we are shrouded in mist which swirls around us, making the rest of the world disappear. On bright sunny days, the pool sparkles so clear, and we can see tiny fish and anemones below. The seagulls, cormorants and oyster catchers accept us as fellow wild things as they perch on the sea wall. One morning the pool was full of foam; we watched an Egyptian goose chasing her chicks out of the water as they looked as though they were going to get lost in the white billows. When I posted pictures of us swimming in the foam, some of my friends thought it was ice and snow and were really impressed!

It is much easier to do this in an encouraging group. There is a lot of laughter. We bob around in the middle of the pool while the serious swimmers training to swim to Robben Island, or such like, do smooth laps around the circumference. Although I have a wet suit top with a zip down the front, I have never worn it. It was made for me by Coral Wetsuits after a vaguely humiliating shop at the surf stores in Muizenberg that don’t really cater for large seventy-eight-year-old swimmers. Also, by the time you have got into a wet suit and contorted yourself to pull up a back zip, you will be far too exhausted to swim at all. I have a “scratch vest” to keep the sun off in summer and a “shark skin” top to wear in winter. The important thing in winter is to get warm after the swim. We have had gowns made with a secret pocket for car keys, long front zips and large enough to wriggle out of a wet costume underneath. Then I drive home with the car heater on high, and fine music playing loudly on the radio; it’s really exhilarating.

Recipe

Frozen Blue Daiquiri

Ingredients:

  • Fresh seawater at 9 degrees
  • (preferably high tide, but any tide will do)
  • Nine maidens, well-aged
  • A South-easter
  • Noodles
  • Bubbles
  • Madness
  • Mixologist

Method

  • Shell the maidens, peel back towelling.
  • Add the maidens to the sea quickly
  • Add the noodles
  • Listen to mixologist tending the bar
  • Balance the maidens on the noodles
  • Whip to a frenzy with the South-easter
  • Bubbles of laughter will rise to the top
  • Add a dollop of madness.
  • Beat for 30 minutes
  • Remove sluiced maidens
  • Wrap well
  • Enjoy!

Finding your ikigai in retirement

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As we face life transitions such as retirement, we often grapple with our purpose; we often equate not having a purpose to not having a personality or reason for living. There is a Japanese concept called Ikigai. In English, it roughly translates to “the meaning of your life.”

Finding your ikigai is a life-long process because it will change as you enter and exit the different stages of your life. As a child, your ikigai is to play and explore; during your school years, it is learning. Once you have finished your formal education, your ikigai is your career and family. But it is often in retirement that one’s ikigai isn’t clear.

A person’s ikigai can be anything: a passion, a dream, a mission, among others. It is something that gives you the reason to get up every morning. It’s what motivates you to keep going and gives you the drive to do something for the pursuit of that ikigai.

Ikigai focuses on four main ideas:

  • What you love (passion)
  • What you are good at (vocation)
  • What you can get paid for (profession)
  • What the world needs (mission)

The overlap between what you are good at and what you are paid for is your profession. On the other hand, what you are paid for and what the world needs is your vocation or calling. The point where what you love overlaps with what the world needs constitute your mission. Then lastly, the combination of what you are good at and what you love is your passion.

Where all four circles intersect is where you will find your ikigai.

The task of finding your ikigai can seem overwhelming, but there are a few tips to help you ignite your purpose.

Pay attention to what you do or think about

Many of the things we dwell on are usually the things we love. If you find that you lose track of time with something you’re thinking about, you’re interested and engaged, and that makes it a passion.

Think like a child

Believe it or not, many life coaches recommend this technique. Think back to the things you enjoyed doing as a child. For example, if you loved to listen to music, try taking it up a level by studying music or learning to play an instrument; if you liked colouring or drawing, try an art class.

Discover recurring themes

Take an inventory of things you tend to accumulate, such as books, films, etc. If you’re watching TV or reading, what do you watch or read about? If you go to a bookstore, what section do you go to? You might notice there are certain themes that attract you.

And if you are still struggling, answer the questions below to help you get started.

  1. When was the last time I was so involved in an activity that I lost all track of time, and what was I doing?
  2. What would I do if I didn’t care what others thought of me?
  3. When am I the happiest with who I am?
  4. If I were to die tomorrow, what would I regret NOT doing?

Remember that ikigai is not a destination but rather a journey of self-discovery so remember to enjoy the ride! Have you found your ikigai in retirement? If so, please let us know so we can share your story.

When last have you embraced your childlike spirit?

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Purpose. No Comments on When last have you embraced your childlike spirit?

As my children grow older, each year brings new experiences and lessons. It’s almost a rediscovery of who they are and what they’re about – and I’m loving the process. As they grow and develop, I find myself growing too. We talk about new topics, we explore ideas more passionately, and we definitely experience things with added wonder and joy!

I spent the past ten days in Paris with my daughter Gabi, who turned sixteen not long ago. We decided to do, and share with each other, whatever makes our souls happy. Our purpose was to have as much fun as we could possibly fit into a day and embrace our childlike spirits.

Gabi’s dream was a daring adventure. She convinced me to reconnect with my inner child – and the scooter! I have not scootered in many years – but scootering through the inner city of Paris, weaving in between cars and pedestrians with Gabi by my side, made me feel like a teenager again. I have not laughed so much for so long in a really long time. Yes, we had some crazy scary moments, but being one hundred percent responsible and predictable was not on my agenda. I loved sharing this experience with Gabi, and in return, Gabi joined me in learning how to make macaroons. I’ve always had a passion for baking and cooking – and our macaroons did not have to be fancy. They just had to be fun!

Gabi also shared her passion for art with me. I gladly joined her on a visit to the Picasso Museum, and watching her immerse herself in her own art during our train journey to Amsterdam was a joy to see.

I have learnt that the simplest way to uncover what brings you the greatest joy and brightens your life, is to start thinking about what you loved to do as a child. Your inner child is very much a part of you. In fact, everyone has an inner child tucked away in their unconscious mind – that may very well resurface from time to time. But as grown-ups, we are often so busy doing grown-up things that we forget to nurture our minds and souls with all the things that made us laugh out loud as children.

So think back to when you were a child. Back when you did not have to be ‘responsible’, or overly serious, disciplined or practical. Back then you knew exactly what made you happy and what made your soul smile. Then you did not worry about societal expectations of what it means to be all grown up. Think back to those times – and then – do exactly that!

Finding joy does not have to be complicated. It could be the simplest things in life, like the smell of freshly baked bread, dancing in the rain or listening to your favourite song. We all did things as children that made us feel just right, exhilarated, or simply just peaceful.

Close your eyes and think back: what did you do as a child that made your heart sing? What made you laugh out loud?

It could be that reconnecting with your childlike self will bring you more joy – and laughter – than you ever imagined!

Experiences of a Covid-19 patient

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Chartered Wealth client Paul Runge was hospitalised with Covid in December. We are happy to report that he is on the mend and has a busy 2022 planned; as he says, he has a book to write and squash to play.

Here he shares some helpful tips should you or a loved one have to be hospitalised.

It’s very important that a Covid patient being admitted to hospital packs their bag properly. No visitors are allowed, the patient is alone, and it is vital to maintain communications to maintain high morale. Ensure that all the required electric plugs and leads are packed for keeping the cell phone charged. In my case, music is important, and the iPod leads were essential. The reality is that the patient has to do much fending for themself. A man should consider a shaver to facilitate the insertion of drips in hairy arms! Other items could be a small towel (towels not always easily available), pyjamas, slippers and perhaps dental floss in addition to the usual toiletries. Pack a pen or two. The ward is noisy with much light, and earplugs and the typical airline eye cover could be useful. If you pack sleeping pills, clear the usage thereof with your doctor. If you have received prescribed medicines, keep them all in a plastic packet and show them to the doctor so they can verify and adjust your medication. Having a bath or shower improves spirits considerably and ensure you have the shampoo, soap required. The last newspaper will help pass the time, (not available in the wards). Your laptop may provide a little interim entertainment.

During my stay, my doctor warned me that blood tests showed that I was undernourished and dehydrated. I had not eaten for nearly four days, and the hospital seemed to be restricting the number of bottles of water they were distributing to patients. A dietician visited me and gave me some fortified drinks. However, this was insufficient, and my partner played an invaluable role in arranging for a bag of protein bars and Energade drinks to be specially delivered to me. This was also my doctor’s suggestion. A supportive partner is gold!

You will find that effective cell phone communications will ease your passage through your treatment. The WhatsApp streams of well wishes – even from unexpected associates lifts morale. Then there is valuable advice from those who have had the Covid experience. A sense of humour eases matters too. Respond kindly and deal without fuss with those that come with misinformation and conspiracy theories.

A negative aspect of the communications scenario is when friends are strangely non-communicative. Hypersensitivity sets in, and I felt very guilty that on the day before I fell ill and just had my light cough, I accepted an invitation to visit a friend at his home. I immediately informed him when I heard that I was Covid-positive, and he was compelled to place himself and his family in isolation for seven days. Terrible timing because it was year-end for his company as well as that of his wife. I apologised twice via WhatsApp messages and received no acknowledgement or even response. This weighed on my mind through much of my hospital stay. It was also strange that while my work colleagues were sympathetic and supportive, one colleague has yet to send me any message.

Exercise care when interacting with the hospital staff. They are stressed and carrying out a difficult job. Make sure you remain polite and patient. There is little banter and laughter. Don’t push too hard and try to sort yourself out with small matters wherever possible. The doctor’s visits are unscheduled, brief and sometimes rushed. It’s a good idea to prepare beforehand for their visit by writing a list of all the questions you wish to ask.

Contrary to the old adage that the patient should just lie and rest in hospital, the practise today is for them to be as active as possible – especially if there are respiratory problems. In the case of Covid, the breathing exercises given to you by your physio are very important in restoring lung capacity. Walks around the ward are recommended and are enjoyable. They also help pass the time. The physio was very kind and helpful (albeit that I fear the bill that may be coming my way!) I enjoyed practising my squash shots as I walked around the ward!

The final hospital check-out can be a lengthy and frustrating process. Ensure that you leave with the necessary prescriptions. There is a special exit for departing Covid patients, and the staff will wheel you there. Ensure that your partner picks you up at a specific time and at the correct place. Otherwise, you could inconvenience the very busy nursing staff.

What’s your personal word for 2022?

Written by Lyndsay Barr on . Posted in Purpose. No Comments on What’s your personal word for 2022?

Each year a Word of the Year is chosen. The Word of the Year is a word or expression that has attracted a great deal of interest over the last 12 months. Every year, candidates for Word of the Year are debated. One is eventually chosen to reflect that particular year’s ethos, mood, or preoccupations and to have lasting potential as a word of cultural significance. The pandemic influenced Oxford’s 2021 choice, too, this time settling on a single word: “vax.”

So do you have a personal word of the year that you have chosen for 2022, one that reflects your ethos and mood for the year? Picking a word of the year can clarify who you want to become and what you want to accomplish in life.

Having a Word of the Year is an enjoyable way to set your intentions and theme for the New Year, or any other life event for that matter. Instead of rigid resolutions, a word of the year is a gentle and constant reminder to create positive change. While resolutions often seem to have a judgmental quality, a personal word of the year is often about a value. (Think honesty, openness, patience.)

For example, if your word of the year is “abundance”, you might have sub-goals of investing in an abundant number of friendships or spending more quality time with the people you love. If your word is “flow”, your sub-goals may be learning to accept things out of your control or perhaps being spontaneous.

When choosing your word, start by reflecting on areas of your life that could use refinement. What do you want to change, and where would you like to grow? Then make a list of word choices. Are these words actionable? You need to look for a word that you can and want to take daily action on. From your list, choose one word. When you have chosen your word, make sure to make it visible. Write it in your diary, stick it on your fridge or make it your cell phone home screen.

When you have chosen a word, start planning how you will live it out. It won’t happen with good intentions alone. Make your word part of your daily life.

What gifts will the interesting detours of 2022 bring you?

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Purpose. 1 Comment on What gifts will the interesting detours of 2022 bring you?

This year started with a slight blip for me. It has always been my habit to start off my year reflecting on the past year and then planning what I would like my new year to look like. Instead of keenly waking up to 2022 and following my yearly system, I woke up with Covid. My head felt fuzzy, and I experienced so much brain fog that my family started commenting on how I was repeating myself over and over again.

If you have ever done a vision board, you’ll know that apart from actually thinking with a clear head, you also need to write legibly and cut on a straight line (I always add visuals to my board!) And here I was feeling murky and muddled. I decided to listen to my body and settled in for ten days of resting, sleeping and recuperating – even reading felt too strenuous! I am grateful that I could recover at home and am happy to report that I am almost feeling like ‘Kim’ again.

Thinking about 2022, I know this for sure: I am excited about what the year will bring. I’m also sure that the year probably won’t go precisely as planned and that I have to be prepared for changes and detours.

Putting my yearly vision board together always gives me a lot of joy and a great sense of accomplishment. As soon as I feel completely recovered and can trust my head and brain not to duplicate all my thoughts, I will be visualising my intentions for the year and clarify where I want to be, who I want to spend my time with and what my goals are going to be.

The past two years have taught me that I need to embrace the detours that will inevitably come my way. I have also learnt that these alternative, roundabout routes to the best-laid plans often bring beautiful and unexpected gifts. I have found that the detours have led me to meet interesting people that I hadn’t planned to meet, taught me lessons about myself that I didn’t know and opened up my world to new experiences. As much as I want – or yearn – to control my surroundings and experiences, the personal growth I have experienced because of the curveballs have been undeniable.

Accepting and even welcoming the detours that life throws at you requires agility. And this will be one of my challenges for the year: to nurture the attribute of being agile. I would like to focus my energy on embracing the curveballs so that I don’t miss the beauty that it brings, rather than wasting my time being disappointed when things don’t work out as exactly as planned.

So, as much as I have plans for 2022, I will be open to the detours that will inevitably come my way. I will welcome them and be interested to see what gifts they will bring.

May 2022 be filled with plentiful gifts and moments that bring you joy. Sometimes the most unexpected moments brings you the greatest joy – if you take the time to stop and acknowledge the emotion inside you.

A look back at our online client events during 2021

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We had hoped that 2021 would mean we could go back to our in-person events, but sadly it was not to be. Despite this, we still managed to host some fantastic online events that were topical, inspirational, informative, entertaining, and most importantly, relevant to the times we are living in.

We kicked off the year with Mandy Wiener, who enthralled us with tales from her book The Whistleblowers, where she spoke about the people who have courageously come forward to expose corruption and wrongdoing.

As it became glaringly apparent that face-to-face events were unlikely, we organised the first of two quiz nights for the year, hosted by Lynda Smith and Frank Davis. The quiz nights provided some light relief and a chance for clients to connect. Donations after each quiz night were made to African Food for Thought and Vulpro, respectively.

Kim Potgieter’s new book Midlife Money Makeover was launched at the beginning of May. Kim firmly believes her book is a reality due to the wisdom, insight and lessons that clients have taught her over the years. To celebrate, we hosted an event where Kim was in conversation with Maya Fisher-French discussing what it takes to live purposefully. We realised the importance of self-care while navigating life in a pandemic, so we hosted a Women’s Wellness event where Image Consultant Wendy Hind and Makeup Artist Holly Petersen shared some tips and tricks on looking and feeling great.

Kevin Lings joined us in June and presented us with a global and local economic overview. In the throes of yet another lockdown, we planned to host events that would provide some light relief and allow us all to have a bit of fun. Sean Brokensha, The Music Guru, took us on a musical
journey that traced the evolution and revolution of music in our country and how the sound of the new South Africa was born. TV presenter, author and safari guide James Hendry delighted and entertained us by sharing the story of humanity’s tumultuous relationship with wilderness
during his presentation, Plugged into the Wild.

We will always remember July 2021 as a tumultuous one in our country’s history. We all felt rattled by the events taking place. In order to try and make sense of what was happening, we hosted an event with thought leader and renowned scientist Prof. Anthony Turton, who shared his reflections on our young democracy, with particular attention to understanding the complexities of the events that took place in July.

In August we celebrated Women’s Day with Nikki Bush, who gave us tips and valuable insights on how to bloom through disruptive times. During this month, we also hosted Director of NinetyOne, Jeremy Gardiner, who shared his invaluable insight into the impact that the disruptions were likely to have on our investments, our economy, and the country we live in and love.

We kicked off Spring with an event hosted by Dr Karin Lourens, Nicci Wright and Richard Pierce, highlighting the plight of the world’s most trafficked mammal, the pangolin. This was followed by a session with Ida Doyer, a sensory integration occupational therapist, who took us on an enlightening journey around our response to the environment around us through the seven senses.

Renowned political commentator Justice Malala was our guest speaker in October, and his insights into the political landscape of South Africa and the elections were sobering. Given the events of the past year, we have realised what a necessary skill resilience is, so we decided to end October off by hosting endurance athlete, author and brain cancer survivor, Richard Wright who inspired us with his story of endurance, passion, heartbreak and triumph of the human spirit over crippling adversity.

Evita Bezuidenhout entertained us at our final event of the year – Evita Adapts and Does Not Dye.

Thank you to all clients who joined us at these events. We look forward to hosting a combination of in-person and hybrid events in 2022.

Lockdown Lifestyle Changes

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Lockdown provided the perfect opportunity to reflect on what is important in our lives, as well as what no longer serves us. Some of our clients used this time of reflection to make small lifestyle changes, while others made big ones. Either way, the changes have had a positive impact.

Kobus and Elaine Joubert

Breaking bad habits

When lockdown initially began and the government announced that alcohol and cigarettes were banned, Elaine and Kobus decided they weren’t going to source cigarettes illegally but rather give up smoking. Having both been smokers for close to 50 years, this was no mean feat. Anyone who has ever tried to give up smoking knows this decision is usually preceded by months of agonising over the how and when. Kobus and Elaine bravely decided on the spot, with Kobus even going cold turkey from the word go.

To keep busy and their minds off smoking, they spring cleaned their house, sorting out cupboards and even cleaning their carpets by hand. Elaine dusted off her sewing machine, and they spent time gardening.

Another bonus after stopping smoking was that they both started to exercise, something they now do six times a week. Elaine walks up and down her driveway 25 times, equating to two kilometres, and Kobus trains in his home gym while listening to music.

It just goes to show, it’s never too late to break bad habits and form healthy new ones.

Patricia O’Hare

Celebrating differently

Patricia has always loved music. Her daughters don’t recall a day of their childhood that didn’t involve music. She woke them up singing and sang them to sleep. As a result of her love of music, it was a given that she thoroughly enjoyed the online events with The Music Guru, Sean Brokensha. After each event, she would call her daughters and gush about his knowledge, expressing how it was on her bucket list to one day have dinner with Sean, where he could dedicate a whole evening to telling her about Leonard Cohen, the history of his music and the inspiration
behind his lyrics.

During hard lockdown and not seeing her family, Patricia, like so many of us, realised that it is people and memories, not things, that matter the most, something she would tell her daughters often. As a result of her desire to make memories, her daughters, much to her absolute delight, helped her celebrate her birthday differently this year by not buying gifts but instead making memories by arranging a dinner with Sean. It was an intimate affair held on the patio on a beautiful spring evening. The presentation was peppered with videos, captivating anecdotes and biographical information about this amazing artist.

It was a beautiful evening and one that was filled with love, laughter and most importantly, family.

Mike and Natalie Pennel

Vitamin Sea

In 2019, while visiting family in Melkbos, Mike and Natalie decided to take a drive to Paternoster, however, they never made it that far. During a breakfast stop in Langebaan and while on the phone with their son in New Zealand, the idea of moving to Langebaan was born.

And then Covid happened. With lockdown and travel restrictions, many people would have put their dream of moving to a different province on hold.

Despite the uncertainty, Mike and Natalie decided to go ahead and put their home in Johannesburg on the market. All viewings were by appointment only, and much sanitising was required after every viewing. Two offers they received fell through, and then finally, third time lucky, they sold their home at the end of June. Leisure travel was still not permitted, but they managed to get a permit as you could travel if you were buying a new home. They flew to Cape Town and spent three days searching for their new home. They knew that if they were going to move to the coast, a non-negotiable had to be a good view. Natalie knew before she had even walked over the threshold that she had found her perfect home.

With the wheels set in motion, the next challenge came when organising movers to transport their worldly possessions plus two dogs and three cars to the Cape. Mike is a firm believer that if something is meant to be, and you plan properly, then you will make it happen. And he was right, even though it was rather an unconventional solution with Mike and Natalie travelling down to the Cape in the moving truck. According to Natalie, it was the longest 48 hours of her life and one she will never forget.

Natalie and Mike have been in their new home for a year now, and they couldn’t be happier. Natalie walks rescue dogs a few times a week and has also joined a group called Lagoon Ladies, who meet once a month to listen to a guest speaker and have a catch-up. Mike loves anything to do with cars and boats, and word quickly spread that there was an expert in town, so he spends much of his day helping locals with advice about their boats. They are both grateful that they weren’t deterred and followed their dream despite the uncertainty of the past year.

Karen Kruger

Finding purpose and choosing happy

After a career spanning 43 years in the hospitality industry, Karen was excitedly preparing to retire in September 2020. Unfortunately, the last six months of her working life were ones she describes as awful, mainly since the hospitality and tourism industry was so severely knocked by
Covid, with events being cancelled and hotels being closed.

Karen had a clear vision as to what her retirement would look like. Having time to do things for herself was important, as was pursuing activities she enjoyed, such as travel. Karen had planned to spend the first six months of retirement giving back through helping a sports organisation with their events, but this fell through as all sporting events were cancelled.

This freed up more time, and she began to reflect deeply on her purpose in life now that she had made the transition into retirement. After much reflection, she decided that her purpose was simply to be happy, and she only pursued activities that helped fulfil her purpose. She never imagined that exercise would become such an integral part of her life, yet now she does aqua therapy and pilates five times a week, both of which have become activities she loves. She also spends time playing online scrabble with friends, learning bridge and socialising with the people she treasures most in her life. While she has some plans for the future, she firmly believes in grabbing every bit of happiness and good that you can each day. Karen describes herself as the happiest pensioner she has ever met—keeping herself busy being happy.

Russell and Audett Dixon-Paver

Let the music play on

Russell and Audett have been in retirement for ten years now, leading full and busy lives pursuing activities they enjoy such as sewing and aviation photography —and more recently, learning to play the ukulele.

Music has always been a part of their lives. As a youngster, Russell played the trumpet and Audett the piano and organ, so it’s no wonder their youngest daughter, Robin, inherited their musical genes. Robin is a music teacher and is passionate about the ukulele. She believes that the ukulele is a wonderful instrument for children to merge the theory with the practical side. She runs the Tiger Valley College Ukulele Society and has entered her group in eisteddfods where they have excelled.

When lockdown happened, all of Robin’s lessons went online. As it is Robin’s dream to teach the ukulele online, she enrolled in an online course. As part of her training, she needs to teach pupils how to play the ukelele, and her pupils came in the form of her parents and sister, Gaelyn. Each week, they spend a few hours learning to play the ukulele, and they are all loving the experience. It’s been a wonderful opportunity to learn a new skill while having fun at the same time. Most importantly, they have found music to be a therapeutic tool in dealing with the stress of the times we find ourselves living in. It has also sparked a new passion for Russell, and he plans to begin building ukuleles in his workshop.

You are not alone in the face of change

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Purpose. No Comments on You are not alone in the face of change

If you’ve experienced a longing for change, you are not alone. It is a natural reaction to the worry, fear and isolation that the Covid pandemic brought into our lives. It’s also normal to have some anxiety around re-entering the world and resuming your pre-pandemic life.

Covid has robbed us of control over our own lives in many ways, and now that we are ready to integrate back into work, friendships and communities, we’re still feeling a little lost and less joyful than we thought. We feel awkward and uncomfortable. And it’s not only about living as we did before, it’s also about the changes in our lives that Covid has been a catalyst for.

When I feel lost or out of control, I try to make sense of my emotions. I came across the term pandemic flux syndrome, which Dr Amy Cuddy and Jill Ellen Riley coined in the Washington Post. The article helped me understand why we’re feeling the way we do and made me feel less alone knowing that others feel exactly the same.

Pandemic flux syndrome refers to the emotional impact the virus has had on us. It explains the continuous cycle of hope and despair through each wave, and living in the face of uncertainty has been incredibly hard. Our bodies were not designed to cope with so much pressure for so long. Very often, when we are confused and anxious, we take control by looking for change.

Covid has channelled a lot of introspection for many people. Being isolated and living in so much chaos has directed our attention inwards, and I have seen many positive changes as a result thereof. The yearning for change does not discriminate. I have seen people in all phases of life wanting change, my daughter Gabi included. We spent many hours introspecting and working through various scenarios when Gabi asked to change schools in Grade 10. Of course, we wanted to be sure that she understood the consequences of her decision and that the change would give her what she was looking for.

Some people have been so overwhelmed that they have not been able to make necessary changes. Instead, the status quo has seemed the safer option
for now. But mostly, the pandemic has pushed us forward to make significant changes that were vital to living our best lives. In this newsletter, you will read some of the beautiful positive changes clients have made during this period.

I have also seen many people implementing small changes for big rewards. I count myself in this category with my running routine. I have shared my running goals with you before, and I still run four times per week – even when I don’t really feel like it on a particular day. Without fail, I feel so much better on the days that I do run.

If you have made changes – big or small – that have left you feeling inspired and grateful, please share it with us. We would love to hear them!

Change is inevitable – that is certain. But if you have decided to put essential change on hold, don’t despair. We are all doing the best we can, and it’s important to be kind to yourself and those around you. Big decisions should also not be taken lightly. It takes a whole lot of introspection and the support of important people in your life. Ask your Retiremeant™️ Specialist to partner with you to guide you through the change and how it affects your Plan. I hope the stories in this newsletter inspire you to weather the storm of change.

Mindset exercises

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Do you believe that intelligence, artistic ability, character and personality are something fixed? Qualities that you’re born with and that you can’t really change? Or do you believe that each of us can fundamentally develop and improve many of our qualities over the course of our life?

In her book, Mindset – How you can Fuel your Potential, Carol Dweck shares her research about what she calls fixed and growth mindsets. She explains the fixed mindset as a belief that your qualities are carved in stone, where the growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.

Dweck believes that although people have vastly different talents, aptitudes, interests and temperaments, everyone can change and grow through application and experience.

Fixed Mindset
Growth Mindset
Afraid of being judged with a tendency to
• take feedback as criticism
• be sensitive about being wrong or making mistakes
• avoid trying new things
• give up easily		A desire to learn, which means that you
• embrace challenges
• keep going when things get difficult
• see effort as the path to mastery
• take feedback as an opportunity to grow and learn

Which personality mindset do you have?

Look at these statements about personality and character and decide whether you mostly agree or mostly disagree with each one.

  1. You are a certain kind of person, and there is not much that can be done to really change that.
  2. No matter what kind of person you are, you can always change substantially.
  3. You can do things differently, but the important parts of who you are can’t really be changed.
  4. You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.

Questions 1 and 3 are fixed-mindset questions, and questions 2 and 4 reflect the growth mindset.

Which did you agree with more?

Mindsets in Practice

Personal reflection

What mindset do you operate from? How has this impacted what you have achieved in life so far? If you worked on cultivating a growth mindset in all areas of your life, how might things change?

Can you identify people you know with a fixed mindset? What do they do and say? How has this mindset impacted them?

Think about a time when you felt incredibly motivated and inspired to work hard and contribute your best… What was it about this environment that motivated you to give your best, to perform at your peak?

“Becoming is better than being” – Carol Dweck

Source: Claire Holden, Change in Mindset

Makeover from the inside out

Written by Kim Potgieter on . Posted in Purpose. No Comments on Makeover from the inside out

We have been in a state of flux for almost two years now. Our lives and our circumstances have become fluid and our boundaries flexible. The old rules no longer apply. And just as we think we have a handle on how things are in a new kind of normal, things change again. If you’ve recently tried booking an international flight, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The rules about being on the red, green or orange list and Covid protocols around entries and exits constantly fluctuate. It’s confusing.

I was attending an online workshop when this quote popped onto the screen: “Never allow a good crisis to go to waste. It’s an opportunity to do the things you once thought were impossible.” – Rahm Emanuel, Obama adviser, 2008

The quote inspired me. It also explained why so many of us have undergone such powerful makeovers from the inside out. We’ve made massive mindshifts in many ways. But one, in particular, has stood out for me – the courageous act of letting go.

I started hearing from clients about things they let go of when I wrote the two eBooks and Midlife Money Makeover last year. Some clients got rid of small habits with big rewards, like not buying take-outs, buying fewer coffees on the run and travelling local instead of international. Others have focussed inwards and chucked out thoughts that make them feel ‘less-than’, anger, guilt, the need for approval, and preconceived ideas of how they think their lives should look. I have been most excited seeing how people let go of living in ways that don’t fulfil them and embrace the life they yearn for.

I am intentionally trying to throw out being in a rush. I don’t always get it right and see this journey as work in progress. I have always had an urgency to get things done and would often start thinking of my next project while still busy with a current one. I remember making lists of all the things I have left out of my first book Retiremeant – get more meaning from your money, and the next book was already taking shape in my head shortly after it was published. My mindshift is to focus more on the present. To savour special moments and make them last. With my latest book, Midlife Money Makeover, I am going to try my best to spend the next few years exploring what value people have found in the book and consciously enjoy the process.

I have been a maximiser my entire life. I move fast and get things done quickly. Now, I savour special slow-down moments and have brought a PJ-stay-at-home day into my weekly mix. So many of our clients have shifted from a fixed to an open mindset since the start of Covid. We are trying new things, being a little more daring, embracing challenges and living life more fully. Having an open mindset has made all these positive changes possible.

We recently explored this concept at Chartered through our work with empowerment coach and director of Change in Mindset, Claire Holden. She guided us through an exercise on understanding mindsets and how to shift from a fixed to open one. I have included her exercise in this newsletter for you. If you are feeling fearful in the face of so much change, give it a go. The overall message is that mindsets can be changed!

Wishing you the courage to live more fully.

Ring the bells that can still ring

Written by Patricia O’Hare on . Posted in Purpose. 3 Comments on Ring the bells that can still ring

At the age of 72, I am so blessed to be still able to work part-time at a Mental Health Care Unit nearby. Not only does this job provide me with stimulation (which I crave in this Covid dominated world), but it also allows me to interact with all the other doctors and therapists in the team. Each of them brings new ideas and suggestions which are truly invigorating.

The therapeutic modality which we follow in this ward is called Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (DBT) – a well-researched and documented therapy especially for disorders where emotional dysregulation causes negative consequences for the patient. The overall goal of the therapy is to give patients a life worth living. The programme is skills-based, and a number of the skills taught can also be invaluable to people who do not fall into the emotional dysregulation category – they are good, simple, down-to-earth life skills that can be used in various situations by a variety of individuals.

The particular skill I would like to share is called Radical Acceptance, which is defined as “complete and total acceptance, from deep within, the facts of reality. It involves acknowledging facts that are true and letting go of the fight with reality” (Linehan).

The above definition sounds obvious, yet for many people, when reality does not accord with their hoped for or expected reality, a huge mental and emotional process is unleashed. This flood of negative thoughts and emotions can be very unsettling and interferes with the individual’s coping capacity. The emotional mind goes into overdrive with intense feelings of disbelief, fear, outrage and anger, to name but a few. The emotional mind then dominates the rational mind. The result is usually poor problem-solving techniques followed by impulsive behaviour (which is generally later regretted) and the ensuing emotions of shame and regret, which add to the emotional turmoil.

To identify whether you have trouble with radical acceptance, monitor your thoughts for a while, and if you catch yourself thinking thoughts like” this shouldn’t happen, this can’t be happening, this is not fair, I don’t deserve this, I don’t believe this” you would, in all likelihood, have problems with radical acceptance. When you are unable to accept what is, all your emotional energy is used to generate more and more inflammatory thoughts and emotions. This type of behaviour will never result in acceptance because all you are doing is fanning the flames instead of trying to douse them. No matter how unpalatable the event that caused your pain, if you don’t allow yourself to accept what is, the pain will persevere and cause prolonged suffering.

To illustrate the above, a song by Leonard Cohen comes to mind (I am an unabashed devotee of his – his poetry is magic). The song is Anthem, and the chorus line is as follows:

This refrain encapsulates for me all the ideas about radical acceptance. Firstly, there is always a chance for a new beginning even though it may not be our ideal – there will always be bells that still can ring even though your preferred one is out of the equation. Secondly, forget the perfect offering because it doesn’t always guarantee the perfect outcome. Thirdly, there is a crack in everything – although perfection is highly desired, it is seldom realised. Lastly, that’s how the light gets in refers to possibilities and a new way of thinking that may not have been possible had the crack not appeared to let the light in.

Radical acceptance is a tool that you can use, not to dull the pain but to prevent long-time suffering because of your inability to say, “So be it. Amen”