You may recognise the name of this month’s author: Morgan Housel wrote the hugely popular The Psychology of Money, which we reviewed in the March 2023 edition of Inflight. In this subsequent offering, he sets out to identify what never changes in a changing world.

Morgan Housel delves into history to discover what has remained consistent over time. This includes the sobering fact that the future will always serve up surprises and, as he states in his initial chapter, “much of the world hangs by a thread”.

The book is divided into 23 short chapters, each with a punchy title, such as “Calm Plants the Seeds of Crazy”, “Risk Is What You Don’t See”, “Casualties of Perfection”, and “Wounds Heal, Scars Last”. They all revolve around human nature and motivations, as well as repeating cycles or trends – economic and otherwise.

As he does in The Psychology of Money, Housel weaves real-life stories and examples into each chapter to flesh out his concepts and includes numerous famous names – with mavericks like Steve Jobs and Elon Musk featured in the chapter entitled “Wild Minds”. Quotations from Benjamin Franklin to best-selling author James Clear (“People follow incentives, not advice.”) add credence to the topic “Incentives: The Most Powerful Force in the World”.

Compounding is a favoured theme in The Psychology of Money. In Same as Ever, it pops up in his premise that most catastrophes and major achievements result from a series of tiny events that combine to make a big impact. In another echo of his earlier book, Same as Ever also makes the point that nothing worth pursuing ever comes without a price in some form or the other. “Too Much, Too Soon, Too Fast” discusses both nature and business – and the failures produced when combined with this trio of excess.

Although the individual chapters in this book don’t seem to flow quite as well as those in The Psychology of Money, Same as Ever certainly gives you food for thought about recurring patterns and behaviours over time.

Both Same as Ever and The Psychology of Money are available on a short-term loan from our Chartered client library.

After a distinguished 40-year career in banking, Chartered client Eddie Coetzer never imagined he would find himself deeply immersed in the world of baking. Having retired in July 2022, Eddie’s transition from financial services to sourdough starter began unexpectedly but with profound passion and purpose.

“In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would become a baker,” he admits, having never baked anything significant until recent times. His only prior baking experience was a cinnamon cake, fondly nicknamed the “Dallas cake,” during his childhood.

Eddie’s retirement coincided with a family crisis. His mother-in-law’s cancer diagnosis led him and his wife to the UK for six months. After returning to South Africa, he sought solace and a new direction. Eddie always liked the idea of a father figure baking something that the family enjoyed. His initial thought was a bread of sorts. Inspired by the prevalence of sourdough and gluten-free breads in the UK and Canada, his wife suggested he explore baking healthier bread options, particularly as she is gluten intolerant.

A course at Melville’s Crust and Crumb ignited Eddie’s passion for sourdough. “I fell in love with the whole process,” he shares. This enthusiasm quickly transformed into a small business, which he named ‘Sour Ed’s Bread’. Eddie began by baking loaves and sharing them with friends and family, who encouraged him with their positive feedback.

Recognising the health benefits of sourdough, particularly for those with gut issues and diabetes, Eddie expanded his repertoire. He took a gluten-free baking course, resulting in two popular varieties: whole grain blend and white blend gluten-free breads. These breads, praised for their taste and quality, are more affordable than store-bought options.

Eddie’s bakery operations are modest but efficient. He converted half of his double garage into a bakery with a deck oven and prover. Despite the challenges of working alone, Eddie’s dedication to his craft is steadfast. “I’ve baked over 1,200 loaves,” he proudly states, balancing his time between baking sourdough twice a week and preparing gluten-free options. In addition to bread, Eddie has recently ventured into making rusks under ‘Ed’s Rusks’. “I’ve baked 265 kilos of rusks in the past few weeks,” he says. This new product line has been well-received, adding another dimension to his burgeoning business.

His venture also includes selling at local markets and at a water shop, Agua e Vide, in Krugersdorp. Though expanding further is logistically challenging due to the thin margins and high labour intensity, Eddie is content with the current scale of his business. He maintains a Facebook page and a WhatsApp group for regular customers, ensuring a steady flow of orders without overwhelming his capacity.

A crucial aspect of Eddie’s journey is his faith. Deeply connected to his beliefs, Eddie feels that his newfound path is guided by God. His faith has provided him with the strength and clarity to navigate this unexpected career shift.

Eddie’s story is not just about a career shift but about finding joy and purpose post-retirement. His passion for baking has brought him immense satisfaction and a sense of fulfilment that was missing in his corporate life. “I never felt truly at home in the corporate world,” he reflects. “Now, I wake up excited about baking.”

His story is a reminder of the power of reinvention, faith, and the joy of finding a new calling, even after decades in a completely different field.

The thrill of opportunity and the promise of a brighter future—these are the images often painted when our children or grandchildren decide to spread their wings and fly to foreign shores. Yet, beneath the excitement and logic that propel us to cheer them on, there lies a profound and often unexpected grief. It’s a complex emotion, a bittersweet mix of pride and pain, that echoes in the hearts of countless South African parents and grandparents.

My own journey with this complex emotion began this month when my son Mike embarked on an adventure to pursue his master’s degree in international business at the University of South Carolina, a programme that qualifies him for a work visa and subsequent career opportunities in the United States, making it uncertain if and when he will return home. On the surface, it was a decision brimming with potential and excitement. Below this excitement, however, was a growing sense of emptiness. The realisation that my daily interactions, the shared laughter, and his comforting presence would be replaced by fleeting visits and digital connections was a stark and sobering truth.

It’s a grief that often feels at odds with the circumstances. Logic dictates that this is a positive chapter, a stepping stone to a fulfilling life. But the heart, it seems, has its own agenda. It yearns for the familiar, the comforting rhythms of shared existence.

This experience was amplified when I considered the impact of Mike’s departure on my parents. The passage of time, with its inherent fragility, casts a different light on these farewells. While I can still plan and anticipate future visits, their ability to do the same is limited by the uncertainties of age, making the goodbye even more heart-wrenching.

My mother found comfort in the words of Kahlil Gibran, which she shared with me. His poignant reflection on children as “arrows loaned to you by life” resonated deeply with her. As he writes, “They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.” These words, while offering little comfort in the moment, provided a broader perspective on the cyclical nature of life.

So, how do we navigate this complex landscape of emotions?

• Acknowledge your feelings: It’s essential to give yourself permission to grieve. This isn’t about denying the opportunities or minimising the achievements; it’s about acknowledging the depth of your love and the changes that accompany this new chapter.
• Build a support network: Connect with other people who are experiencing similar emotions. Sharing your feelings can be incredibly therapeutic.
• Embrace technology: While it can never replace physical presence, technology offers invaluable connections and can help bridge geographical distances.
• Create new rituals: Establish new traditions to mark special occasions. Whether it’s a weekly video call, a WhatsApp group, or a virtual family gathering, these rituals can provide a sense of continuity. My son created a WhatsApp group for the extended family where he posts videos, pictures, and daily ramblings.
• Don’t be afraid of social media: If your grandchildren/children are on Instagram or TikTok, go ahead and create an account and follow them. This can be a great way to stay connected and up-to-date with their lives.

Remember, this is a journey, not a destination. It’s about finding a balance between celebrating their successes and honouring your own emotions. With time, the pain will soften, and the joy of their accomplishments will continue to grow. Hopefully, one day, the distance will feel like a bridge rather than a barrier, cultivating a deeper and more meaningful connection.

By now, we are well-acquainted with the notion that nothing in life is constant except for change (and taxes, of course!). While it’s tax season, don’t worry, that’s not the focus today. Instead, I want to talk about the kind of change that transforms your life and demands that you reassess your path forward.

I recently presented a workshop where I shared my insights from Chip Conley’s Learning to Love Midlife course. What struck me about this phase of life, which Conley suggests can last up to the age of 75 – or even longer – is how many transitions we navigate. It’s rarely just one change at a time – but a convergence of many shifts all at once. Many participants struggled with significant transitions intertwined with unexpected changes and emotional turmoil. These ranged from relocation and relationship changes to physical and psychological challenges, losing loved ones, changes in how we approach work, and often, a deep search for meaning and purpose.

Navigating difficult situations

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by a transition, as if you’re drowning in doubt and uncertainty – wishing someone would throw you a lifeline? The good news is that you have your very own lifeline – filled with the lessons and wisdom you’ve accumulated and applied throughout your life. Imagine your life as an unwritten book, with each new day offering a blank page waiting for your mark. Your past experiences provide the inspiration to write your future, helping you navigate the complexities and challenges of trying times. Of course, music can also be a great companion for finding solace.

Drawing your Lifeline

To give you an idea of what this exercise is about, here is a snapshot of the most recent part of mine. It involves reflecting on your life so far and identifying the stories that shaped who you are today. Include all the key moments of your life, from birth to the present day. Everything above the middle line represents high points, and everything below the line represents low points that made you feel unhappy or challenged.

Reflect on your Lifeline

What lessons can you take from your timeline?
Are there any significant themes?
What (and who) helped you through your lows; what (and who) supported you during your highs?
What strengths did you find to help you through your lows?
Is there anything you could or would have done differently, knowing what you know now?
Can you document all the lessons and wisdom you have gained?

Embrace your Inner Strengths

When I look at my lifeline, I reflect on what each story is teaching me and what I can learn from every transition. I consider the strengths that helped me through previous difficult situations and think about how I can draw on those strengths now. It’s often your inner strength that pulls you through.

I do believe that things happen for a reason and that the story of your life is a powerful teacher. And then there’s always music! In times of change, I often turn to music. Natasha Bedingfield’s song Unwritten reminds me that there are always ways to find comfort and strength in the unwritten possibilities ahead.

I hope the lifeline exercise benefits you as much as it’s helping me right now. If you’re looking for a song to draw, reflect on, and work to, here’s a link to Unwritten: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI

As we grow older, we often reflect on the memories we have created throughout our lives. These memories are an integral part of who we are, and they have shaped us into the person we are today. For many of us, the idea of writing down our memories can seem overwhelming, but it is essential to recognise the value of documenting our life experiences for future generations.

Recording our memories allows us to preserve a piece of our personal history for future generations. Our experiences, both good and bad, can provide valuable lessons for our children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Our stories can help future generations understand where they came from, the struggles their ancestors faced, and the legacy they have inherited. Our memories are a gift we can pass down to future generations to ensure our legacy is not forgotten.

Writing down our memories can also be therapeutic. Recalling our life experiences can bring back long-forgotten emotions and feelings. By documenting our memories, we can process and make sense of the events that have shaped us. This process can be incredibly healing and help us find closure on past experiences.

Everyone has a story to tell. No matter how ordinary our lives may seem, we all have unique experiences. We often underestimate the value of our memories and assume that they are not worth documenting, but our stories are essential to understanding the human experience. We can all learn from each other’s experiences and find comfort in knowing we are not alone in our struggles.

Understandably, the idea of writing down our memories can seem overwhelming, but many resources are available to help make the process more manageable. Some people may use technology to document their experiences, such as recording audio or video diaries. Many books and online resources are available that guide how to write down our memories. Jackie Lee-Son created a beautiful framework called A Place for Stories to help guide people through the writing process. Short chapters cover general themes (e.g., Education & Teachers, Careers & Work) to help you organise your memories. Click here to access her guide, which she generously shared with us. Print it out, bind it and start recording those memories. Future generations will treasure them.

As first experiences go, becoming a mother-in-law and gaining a new daughter in the family – and of course, seeing the first of my children and my oldest son get married, is pretty epic. And this is my unique and new experience for March!

Adding a new experience to your month does not have to be something large, audacious or expensive. It could just be saying ‘yes’ to something you would not have considered doing before. What I’ve learnt from the three first-time experiences I have shared with you this year is that it always goes hand-in-hand with learning and something new to be grateful for.

Apart from having the best and most joyous time with family and friends at Ryan and Nix’s wedding at the beautiful Webersburg Wine Estate in the Cape, I feel incredibly blessed and privileged to see our family size increase with the very special and much-loved Nix. Still, becoming a mother-in-law for the first time can be daunting, and I’m sure Nix feels the same way about her becoming a wife and daughter-in-law. Getting married is a significant life-changing transition as you move into a new, unexplored and wonderful stage of life.

A few days before the wedding Nix and I chatted about our new future roles. We’ve all heard some horror mother-in-law stories – from criticism, stopping by unannounced to rearrange the furniture without being asked, and coercing the daughter-in-law to have children. Nix and I both felt that it would be helpful for us to set boundaries upfront so we don’t make assumptions about what we each value, trust and respect.

I realise that Nix and Ryan will live their new life together on their terms and in their own way – different from how we live our lives in our family. But I also know that we share common values which gives me a great sense of pride and joy.

Setting boundaries are not only important with in-laws; they are essential for creating trust and respect in any healthy relationship. And honouring the boundaries of others builds a strong connection where each one feels heard, seen and valued and where both your needs are met.

Boundary discussions are brave conversations to have. It’s talking about how you want to be treated and your expectations in the relationship. It also defines what’s acceptable and what is not. It’s brave because by setting boundaries, you value yourself, prioritise your needs and create space to thrive and grow. I love the fact that Nix and I understand each other’s boundaries. It makes me feel safe and secure knowing what she expects of me and what she values and appreciates. These discussions may seem hard at first, but it’s better than the resentment when boundaries are overstepped.

I found a helpful article on PositivePsychology.com written by Jo Nash, who obtained her PhD in Psychotherapy Studies and lectured in mental health at the University of Sheffield. She masterfully explains what boundaries are and how to set healthy ones. I love this explanation of the different boundaries involved in relationships.

READ: How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships

Do you have relationships in your life that may need redefined boundaries? Relationships change and evolve, and it may require an adjustment of boundaries. Remember, having boundaries are not selfish or self-centred. It really helps those you love with clear guidelines of how to treat and love you in a way you appreciate.