Long-Distance Grandparenting: Staying Close Across the Kilometres

When grandchildren live far away, grandparents can worry that they will miss the everyday moments that build a relationship. Chartered clients June and Ross Tudhope have found that closeness is not determined by geography, but by showing up consistently, creatively and with genuine interest.

When June’s grandson, Monty, talks about the year ahead, he has a very clear sense of what makes it important.

“It’s a big year,” he told her. “You’re turning 70, you and Grandpa have been married for 25 years, and I’m turning nine.”

Monty has lived in the UK all his life, while June and her husband, Ross, live in South Africa. Yet listening to June speak about him, it is immediately clear that theirs is not a relationship defined by distance. She knows his friends, his teachers, what he is learning at school and which children have been naughty that week. She knows the programmes he watches, the things that worry him and the stories he cannot wait to tell her.

That closeness did not happen by chance. It has been built through small, consistent acts of connection from the day Monty was born.

Start today

June’s first piece of advice to grandparents is simple: “Start today. Don’t leave it.”

She believes the aim should never be to force a long conversation. If a grandchild only wants to talk for a minute, enjoy that minute. Keep it easy and positive, and do not make the call feel like a chore.

Over time, those brief exchanges become something more. You begin to know the names of friends and teachers, understand what is happening at school and remember the stories that matter.

June keeps a notebook nearby to jot down names and details she wants to remember. For her, this familiarity is what allows a grandparent to become part of a child’s everyday life rather than someone who appears only on birthdays or holidays.

This matters because children rarely build closeness through formal conversations. Ask an eight-year-old what happened at school and the answer may be “nothing”. Share the ordinary details of daily life, however, and the stories begin to emerge naturally.

Be part of the ordinary moments

For June, staying close means treating a video call less like a special event and more like popping in for a cup of tea. She makes a cup for herself while Monty fetches something to drink, and they spend time together without every moment needing to be filled with questions.

They also do things together. June bought the same board games Monty has at home, allowing them to play over a video call. During school holidays, a long game of Monopoly gives Monty something fun to do and gives his parents a welcome break. As June jokes, it is “long-distance babysitting”.

She has watched his favourite television programmes with him too, with the phone propped up facing the screen. It may sound like a small thing, but it gives her an understanding of his world. When he talks about a character, an animal or a storyline, she knows what he means. He does not have to explain everything from the beginning.

“You don’t want to be asking, ‘What’s that?’ all the time,” she explains. “You want him to feel that he is sharing his life with you.”

Find practical ways to help

As Monty grew older, June began helping him with his homework. At the start of each week, his parents send her photographs of his spelling list and the relevant pages from his reading book. From Monday to Thursday, Monty comes home from school, changes, has a snack and calls June. They practise his spelling and complete his reading, and his dad tests him on Thursday ahead of Friday’s test.

The arrangement supports far more than schoolwork. It gives June and Monty regular, purposeful time together, while easing some of the pressure on his parents.

Create your own little traditions

Technology has also allowed June to spoil Monty in the ways she might have done if he lived nearby. He loves ice cream, particularly blood-orange sorbet, so she found a gelato shop in the UK that delivers to his home. When supplies run low, he calls her, and they look at the website together, discuss the flavours and choose a treat.

They plan future adventures too. Much of their conversation is currently centred on an upcoming visit to Disney World, where Monty has strong views about what they should see and do.

These rituals are not really about ice cream, board games or holidays. They are ways of saying: I know you. I remember what matters to you. I want to be part of your world.

Pick up where you left off

June and Ross still treasure their time with Monty in person, but they do not rely on visits to sustain the relationship. When they meet, there is no awkward period of becoming reacquainted.

“He runs into our arms, and we carry on the conversation we were having the day before he left,” June says.

There is no denying that having grandchildren in another country is hard. Screens cannot replace a cuddle, and visits will always be precious. But June’s experience offers a hopeful reminder: distance does not have to mean disconnection.

The kilometres remain. But through consistency, curiosity and effort, June and Ross have made sure they are never strangers in Monty’s world.