Cowboys don’t have to ride alone
There is an old joke about men and their health.
A man will hear the smallest rattle in his car and immediately book it in for a service. He’ll research the right tyres, compare prices and spend three weeks organising the garage just to change a single windscreen wiper.
But that pain that has been nagging for a few months?
“I’m fine.”
Sound familiar?
Maybe there’s a bit of cowboy instinct in there. Keep going; stay strong; don’t complain. Just ride it out. But when it comes to our health, there are some things we shouldn’t simply ride out.
When “I’m fine” means something else
In my recent conversation on Life Chapters, Money Choices with oncologist Dr Adam Nosworthy, he used an expression we all know: cowboys don’t cry.
For many men, being strong means being capable, dependable and in control, the person everyone else can rely on. So admitting that something feels wrong can be uncomfortable, especially when it involves sexual health, physical changes or cancer.
All this can make it very easy to postpone a doctor’s appointment and hope that whatever is bothering you simply goes away. But Adam made a good point: when something is picked up early, treatment can often be simpler and less invasive. As he put it, everything is easier when it’s small.
Who do men talk to?
Adam shared an interesting difference in his consulting rooms. Women often arrive for treatment with someone supporting them – a partner, close friend or family member. Men, on the other hand, are much more likely to come alone. He even has patients whose partners work in medicine who still insist on attending appointments by themselves.
And perhaps that sense of going it alone doesn’t only happen in the consulting room.
I saw how hard it can be to talk about illness when Gys was undergoing treatment for bladder cancer. He didn’t want many people to know, and when he did share, people naturally wanted to help. They told him about someone else who had cancer, suggested treatments or shared stories about what had gone wrong.
They meant well, but eventually Gys stopped wanting to talk.
When somebody trusts us enough to say they are frightened, worried or struggling, we don’t always have to have an answer or share a story of our own. Sometimes we simply need to listen and stay long enough to hear the real answer.
Maybe there is an opportunity here for men to look out for one another a little more. If a friend keeps mentioning the same pain, ask if he has had it checked. If he is nervous about an appointment, offer to go with him. You could even book your check-ups together and have a coffee, or something stronger, afterwards.
Check your own warning lights
September is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month, which feels like a good reminder to pay attention to your own health. If you have been putting off a check-up, perhaps now is the time. And maybe there’s a friend who’s been putting his off too.
Cowboys may not always cry, but they certainly don’t have to ride alone.
For a thoughtful conversation about men’s health, prostate cancer and the conversations that often happen too late, listen to my conversation with Dr Adam Nosworthy, specialist physician and medical oncologist.
