Have 2020 vision for a fulfilling new year

Yes, I am one of those who makes new year’s resolutions. Who’s with me?

I relish the sense of refreshing and hope that comes with a new year. I feel sure that these ‘self-promises’ reflect our longing to improve, to create a more contented life for ourselves, those we love, and those whose lives we can touch positively. The goal may be to lose those five kilograms (or 10!), sign up for a course of learning, or be a better friend – whatever it is, it sets an expectation of a better year.

I know that many people pooh-pooh this habit, mostly because we so often fail to sustain our resolve. Check your inbox and you’ll find any number of articles suggesting ways to stick to our intentions: create small steps, write it down, form an accountability group.

It seems to me, though, that 2020 lends itself to the notion of fresh vision – and if we want an improved life, a renewed view of ourselves, our relationships and the world can be freeing and empowering.

Change your view

Professor Adam Brandenburger, in a Harvard Business Review article, encourages us to ‘defamiliarise’ our way of seeing – “to stop seeing the world in the familiar way and start seeing it in unfamiliar and generative ways”.

He expands: “When we look at the world, we should not just examine, but examine with a deliberately different perspective. Not just name what is around us, but come up with new names. Not just consider the whole, but break things up (or down) into pieces. These techniques can help us see our way to the new and revolutionary”.

How does this new habit help us create a meaningful life?

Avid birdwatchers, or regular bush trekkers understand Branderburger’s advice: taking that moment to enjoy, not only identify the bird, but admiring its colour, its wing formation, its song, makes that moment beautiful.

Consider those things you take for granted, that are now ‘habituated’ and live in our peripheral vision. This applies to our relationships, work, hobbies, and daily rituals.

He urges us to counter our built-in tendency to habituate, to sink into familiar ways of seeing and experiencing.

“One way in which great artists, entrepreneurs, and creators of all kinds come up with the insights that enable them to change the world is that, very literally, they do not see the way that most of us do. By seeing differently, we can end up seeing what no-one else has yet seen. That is how the future is built,” he concludes.

Your year of seeing differently

So, what will you see differently this year? What needs renaming in your world?

A starting point for me is to change the term “new year’s resolutions” to “steps in making personal progress” – it has a much more active ring to it!

How can you redefine ‘success’ to encourage self-acceptance and gratitude?

I love Arianna Huffington’s thoughts in her book Thrive:

We now know through the latest scientific findings that if we worship money, we’ll never feel truly abundant. If we worship power, recognition and fame, we’ll never feel we have enough. And if we live our lives madly rushing around, trying to find and save time, we’ll always find ourselves living in a time famine, frazzled and stressed.

There’s a collective longing to stop living in the shallows, to stop hurting our health and our relationships by striving so relentlessly after success as the world defines it — and instead tap into the riches, joy and amazing possibilities our lives embody.

Finally, I am recognising that much of the contentment I seek is what I already have; it’s just having the eyes to see it – faith, hope and love. I take the words of Thomas Merton, monk, scholar and social activist. I hope they will serve you also for fresh vision in 2020:

We have what we seek. It is there all the time, and if we slow down and be still, it will make itself known to us.

Kim Forbes is the Writer and a Life Coach at Chartered Wealth Solutions.

And why Excellence is a better for you and everyone else!

Aiming for perfection always in our lives – our expectations of reality, our expectations of ourselves, our tasks, our relationships. Excellence, experts and psychologists suggest, is a healthier goal. It allows us to meet high standards and still leave room for mistakes. This article highlights contrasts in the influence and effects of each approach:

(source: Psychology Today – Dr Barbara Markway; Forbes – Angela Civitella)

It’s the season of festivities and the hosting of family gatherings … and my stomach is already in a knot. How can I make the event perfect by meeting each person’s needs and preferences perfectly? What would be the perfect menu? How can I get everyone to relax and enjoy themselves, when I am contorted by anxiety?

It can be paralysing.

As someone with a tendency to criticise myself for not achieving self-imposed high standards, I found the advice in this article to relinquish perfectionism immensely helpful. I hope you will benefit also, by embracing excellence without the need for perfectionism.

One is myth, one is reality, says Angela Civitella, CEO and Founder of business coaching service Intinde.
(source: Forbes.com)

Harriet Braiker says, “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.”

Which one do you aspire to attain? Some people think excellence and perfection are the same. Actually, the best way to achieve excellence is not to demand perfection.

Maladaptive perfectionism prevents you from starting or completing things you set out to do. Your head and heart get in the way, and you’re left inactive, in perpetual inertia and with a constant drip of self-blame, and in some cases, pointing the finger at anyone and anything because you can’t accept the demons inside you that are leaving you paralyzed in the face of getting things done. There isn’t much fun there.

Here are tips to help you navigate and conquer perfectionism and make room for pursuing excellence, a much better option all around.

1. Forget the perpetual lie you tell yourself that being perfect will make you successful. It’s not true. Hard work, great vision, knowing the right people, asking the right people for help and getting others to believe in your journey make you successful.
2. People don’t relate well to perfectionists. Perfectionism makes the rest of us feel like there’s no common ground and no equitable human exchange. To put it mildly, it’s intimidating, and people don’t seek out people that intimidate them.
3. There’s no power in being perfect. All perfectionism does is show how weak you truly are. Powerful people are comfortable with showing their limitations — it gives them the pulse to want to do better and better. That’s what people respect.
4. Being perfect doesn’t increase nor decrease your self-worth. They aren’t connected. Value all of you — the good, bad and very ugly — to function in a healthy, productive and results-oriented way. If you’re focused on how it looks, rather than how it is, you’ll never get to your destination.
5. Being perfect isn’t normal or regular. If you get caught up in being perfect, you set yourself up to think that you’re more than everyone else. A word to the wise: being perfect is an illusion; it doesn’t give you superpowers others don’t have. All perfectionism does is isolate you from participating in life and from the people around you who, if asked, would gladly help you on your journey to excellence.

People gravitate toward others’ strengths, not their weaknesses, and striving for perfection is just that — a sign of weakness. Strong people with conviction are admired and respected. People who think and work alone because they think they’re perfect and above all others end up only doing one thing: being alone.

Stephen McGowan was 36 years old and fulfilling a lifelong dream of biking through Africa when he was kidnapped by Al-Qaeda from Timbuktu, along with a Swedish and a Dutch national. Just short of six years later, he was released. On 2 October, Chartered Wealth Solutions hosted this remarkable young man, whose tale of courage and endurance kept the audience spellbound.

While very rare videos would be released, showing Stephen and his fellow captives still alive, his family had no idea where he was, nor indeed how he was faring emotionally, physically and psychologically.

The truth was that he was being kept deep in the Sahara, hidden from French surveillance planes and drones. Communication with the world beyond was limited, then completely cut off when French military forces showed up in Mali.

Stephen’s story became even more harrowing as he shared of how he learned to protect himself from extreme natural elements, while daily dreading a violent end at the hands of his captors.

Living outdoors, Stephen learned a range of survival skills (including how to dig for water and skin a gazelle) but keeping hope and the will to survive alive were the real challenges. He shared with the Chartered audience how he maintained sanity, with a positive attitude, gratitude and relinquishing what you can’t control as crucial mindsets.

He also stuck to a daily physical exercise regime, and learnt to speak and read Arabic, and recite from the Qur’an.

Stephen was released end July 2017 and is adapting to life back home in South Africa with his family. Chartered guests enthusiastically asked questions, in awe of Stephen’s bravery in sharing his story and inspired to face life’s hurdles with the same courage.