Having my 90-year old grandmother staying over occasionally has shown me that there are particular needs of an older person to be taken into account, and especially more so for longer visits, say over the festive season. This article is useful for those preparing to host older loved ones in the long term, but I also found some valuable tips for me as sometime host.

When you become a caregiver, you need to prepare for your loved one’s arrival. Preparing your home for a disabled or ill adult is much like childproofing your home. Each room must be reorganized and made as accident-proof as possible. Maria Sandella (www.articlecity.com) has created a room-by-room checklist as a guide.

Common Living Areas

• Are all electrical and telephone cords secured or out of the way to avoid being tripped over? Don’t run cords under rugs or furniture, they become damaged or frayed; don’t use nails to secure them down.
• Will your loved one be able to turn lights on and off easily? If not, try touchable lamps or lamps that react to sound.
• Do the doors and windows open easily and lock securely?
• Are walking pathways free of clutter?
• Will your loved one be able to get up and down from your sofa and chairs safely and easily? Straight back chairs with armrests and firm seats may be a wise investment. Add a firm cushion to your existing chairs – adding a bit of height will make it easier for them to sit down and get up.
• If your loved one still uses the phone, perhaps purchase a telephone with large push buttons to make dialing easy. Program all emergency numbers into speed dial, and also write the numbers down and tape them to the wall by the phone. Obtain an emergency call system in case of fall or injury.
• Obtain a wireless intercom system so you can be easily reached if the person needs assistance.
• Make sure a television with remote control is accessible.

Kitchen

• Are your appliances in working order?
• Are your pots and pans, utensils and food easily accessible?
• Are all flammable materials away from the stove?
• Are sharp objects stored in a safe place?
• Is there adequate space to work?
• Can all kitchen outlets be reached safely?
• Is it easy to transfer food from the cooking area to the eating area?
• Are the sink faucets easy to turn on and off and easy to reach?

Bathroom

• Is the entrance to the bathroom easily accessed and free from clutter?
• Will your loved one be able to get in and out of the shower/bathtub safely on their own? If not, install grab bars on both the inside and outside of the bath/shower. Towel racks are not sturdy enough to be used as grab handles.
• Make sure the shower/bathtub has a waterproof wireless intercom so assistance can be summoned.
• Can your loved one shower safely standing up or is a chair needed? Purchase one with non-skid pads.
• Have you placed non-skid strip pads and a bath mat in place?
• Have you installed a raised seat, a safety frame or a grab bar for a safe transfer to the toilet?
• Can the outlets, and light switches be easily reached?
• Do you have a nightlight for those midnight bathroom trips?

Bedroom

• Consider purchasing an electric bed if your loved one has problems getting in and out of a regular bed safely. You can also install a trapeze bar for them to use.
• Can the bedside light be reached from bed?
• Is there a phone that can be reached from bed?
• Is there a wireless intercom that can be used to reach you in case of emergencies?
• Is there a clear path from the bed to the bathroom?
• Do you have guardrails on the bed to ensure your loved one does not fall out during the night?

General Safety

• Do you have working smoke alarms and fire extinguishers throughout your home? Periodically check to make sure they are working.
• Do you have emergency numbers such as the hospital, fire, and 911 by the phone?
• Have you placed night lights in every room of the house if your loved one is a night wanderer? The little bit of light they do give off will help to prevent tripping and falling.
• Special equipment that you may need
• A hospital bed
• A cane and or walker
• A wheelchair
• A bedside commode
• A transfer lift – to help get in and out of bed
• Oxygen
• Wireless intercom system

While this may seem like a lot of work to get your home ready, it really isn’t. Go through each room one at a time and make a list of things that need doing, based on your loved one’s disability or illness. You may find you are more prepared than you thought.

There are some wonderfully practical and inspiring snippets in this NextAvenue.org article to regret-proof our lives. I found number 6 my most challenging … and I like number 8’s idea of an outdated script.

It’s time to take charge and live the life you want.

1. Holding onto a grudge

Someone once said that holding onto a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies.  It hurts you more than the offender.  Need proof? Researchers at Hope College discovered that when study participants thought about their enemies in “unforgiving ways”, the stress response – sweating, heart rate, blood pressure – increased.  And Tina Tessina, psychologist and author of Ten smartest decisions a woman can make after forty, adds, “Forgiving does not mean it’s okay that the other person did what he did; rather, you’re saying, if only to yourself, ‘I release you from this resentment.’ Big difference.”

2. Postponing an Estate Plan

Granted, it’s one of the less fun things to do in life, but experts say that “aside from any legal benefits, planning your estate is truly a selfless act.  If you are without a plan, you leave your heirs wondering about your wishes, which can lead to problems and fighting.  When you take time to plan your estate, you remove the burden from them by letting them know exactly what you want.  It does not matter whether you’re single, have minimal assets, whatever, put a plan in writing.

3. Deciding it’s too late to make new friends

If you’ve reached your 60s, you already know that friendships often change during transitions – a new job, having kids, getting divorced or widowed, relocating. But you’re never too old to make new pals. Look for people who seem interesting in your tennis class, at volunteer functions, with common hobbies and strike up a conversation – ask a question, make a comment.  Someone has to initiate.  It might as well be you.  Next – a coffee date, a walk, a golf game or a knitting session together.

4. Ignoring medical tests

No question, good genes help with healthy ageing.  But you still have some control here. Make sure you ask your doc when and how often to have these screenings: blood pressure, PSA (prostate), colonoscopy, mammogram, pelvic exam, papsmear, eye exam (macular degeneration, cataracts, glaucoma are common with age), cholesterol, vaccines (shingles, pneumococcal, flu shot, tetanus) and bone density. Of course, also ask for frequent tests for any ailments you may particularly suffer.

5. Letting fear rob you of what you want

Maybe you were raised by an overly anxious parent.  Maybe you’re fearful because of a past traumatic event. Perhaps a therapist is the quickest route to overcoming this issue.  However you choose to tackle it, make facing your fears a priority.  “The saddest thing is to have regrets at the end of life about things you really wanted to do and didn’t because you were afraid,” says Tessina.  “Use the chance now to try something you want.  You have everything to gain and nothing to lose – but fear.”

6. Feeling too awkward to tell people how much they matter

If your family of origin was not particularly emotive, expressing feelings may feel totally alien. But it’s critical for this reason:  “Not expressing your love to others ultimately separates you emotionally from them,” says Tessina.  Forget the old excuse: “But they already know that I love them,” and step up.  It can be face-to-face or by a note sent to every person you care about, telling them how you feel about their presence in your life.

7. Thinking you’re immune to falls

According to the CDC, one out of three people aged 65 and older fall each year, and if you fall once, you are at twice the risk of falling again.  Know how to protect yourself.  Ask your doctor if any of your meds could be making you less stable; also ask if you might be Vitamin D deficient. Incorporate strength and balance exercises into your routine.  Get your eyes checked. Make your home safe (add grab bars at the bath or shower, add more or brighter lighting in dim parts of your home, create unobstructed walkways throughout and put up railings at stairs.)  And consider retiring those stilettos.

8. Finally, living by an outdated script

If you’re like most of us, you’ve been living by a script written in childhood that highlights your weaknesses: I’m too fat, I’m not good enough a daughter/father/friend, I never finish anything I start. By the time you’re in your 60s, it’s time to rewrite the script – with YOU as the hero of your life.

According to Tessina, there are three things you can do to feel better about yourself. Acknowledge with gratitude all the things in your life that make it good.  Be generous to others, especially with kindness and thanks. Live by your personal ethics as a way to feel good and increase happiness. And finally, remember that if you think poorly about yourself, that’s how others will respond to you. If you think highly … well, you get the picture.